Stepson bad influence on my daughter

[Accy11]

Husband and I have been together for over 6 years. He has two children from previous marriage, 11yo son and 9yo daughter. We now also have a 10month old daughter together.

His kids stay with us every other weekend and every other wed night.

My issue is that his son does nothing but lay on the sofa on his phone or ipad and orders everyone about and generally has an attitude towards everything that doesn’t go his way. He is very loud and swears a lot in front of his sister and my daughter.

Husband tries to reason with him but he just storms off in a huff. And I am a very quiet person so I will just leave the room and go hide upstairs. My main issue is that I feel that I have no control over him influencing my daughter. He keeps telling my 10month old daughter that she will get a phone when she’s 8yo etc.

Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

Thank you for the replies.

I don’t think I explained myself properly in my first post. But I would be here all day writing my life story.

I am not fitting into his family, this is my home as well as his home. I have been part of his family for the last 6 years. I cook him food, wash his clothes, pay towards his activities etc and make sure he is cared for. In my opinion, the least he can do is be respectful in my home.

I never said my DD is perfect, I understand that no child is perfect. And I also understand it must be hard for him having to juggles two homes and not seeing his dad.

Thanks for your time, but I will not be returning to this thread. I was merely looking for advice and support, so thank you to those of you that shared your wisdom.

I can empathise with what ur saying as I had a baby and didn’t think about the impact my
Two older
Stepsons both who have behavioural issues would have on him until it was too late really
And then it was hard to address.
Since he was a baby they were constantly in his face and antagonising him and then when he wasn’t even two they made a video of them teaching him to swear and posted it on a social media site and suddenly
I felt quite scared and negligent and realised I had to supervise their behaviour heavily around him to protect him. Fast forward a couple of years and it is still quite a grind on the days they are with us which are half the time in that I feel I am continually managing their behaviour around him and now his new baby brother. They still swear and act aggressive around him and one of them has quite sexualised behaviour which I get concerned about running off on my younger one. I keep telling myself that things will change and improve as they get older but sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it as it feels like the time they are with us I’m just trying to get through rather than enjoying

No idea why you’re getting such a hard time, OP.

But do pick your battles. Ignore - for now - him being glued to the iPad. Focus on the totally unacceptable swearing and ordering people about.

Explain to your DH that he’s is doing his son no favours by allowing him to disrespect everyone in the house with this behaviour. If anyone is at risk of bad influence it’s your 9yo DSD.

I am assuming that DSS does not swear and play up at school, so he knows better and is choosing to do it at your house. Your DH should find out why, then address it.

Do they get plenty of 1:1 and 2:1 time with their dad?

Sounds like a typical example of everything being fine until your baby comes along, then suddenly you have issues with his previous DCs

Sounds like an 11 year old with piss poor behaviour not being parented properly to me.

Its really not a step parent issue more like a 11 year old issue. I have similar issue with me 12 year old hes attitude is appalling especially towards me hes lazy and entitled. We are working hard with his dad to nip the behaviour in the bud but youre dh needs to be on board with this. Alot is hormones.

I’m glad I came across this post, I feel the same in my home. I love my stepson so much but his Dad let’s him do whatever because of guilt and I have zero say. I feel like a slave doing food, laundry, cleaning, just to be given attitude from both my husband and stepson. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and I fear for her. I want her to grow up to be kind and want to learn, and not be spoiled or play video games all day. It’s hard when you get zero support in your own house. I wish I could give some sort of positive solution but I don’t have one, only think I know I can do is keep trying to instill kindness and love at least into my daughter, and pray.

@Kelsoooo

She's 10months old..... how can he be influencing her

WHATTT ARE YOU MAD?

@Cherries101

Your DH only allows his kids over at most 6 days a month. Frankly if he manages to be a bad influence to a 10 month old on such little contact then you’re shit parents.

And your nasty go and spread your dirty opinions elsewhere dick

I am completely with you on this one I have the same problem so I decided next time my SD comes she will be monitored with screen time I don't care if she's allowed it when she wants at home and as for laying on the sofa all day giving orders just remember we all stick up for a child but if this behaviour isn't challenged no matter how small it may seem to small minded people it will go into adulthood with him and he will struggle just focus on your children and every time he mentions phones and technology and mind numbing devices children are left alone with read your baby a book or play a game show your baby there is more to life than technology good luck xxx

Yep it’s hard!!! My step son is a year older than my son so they are 8 and 9!

I’m having a mare just now because the step son swears, I’ve caught him watching dodgie videos on YouTube! He acts older than he is and I don’t want my boy to think any of that is acceptable. My step son only comes at the weekend so my other half gives him a free reign to do what he wants I think just to please him! Trust me this has caused disagreements in the house!

It’s bloody hard having a blended family but my thinking is the kids grow up and won’t be visiting as much. Then you guys can live your life! When you meet someone with kids it’s all part of the parcel!