To consider ending my relationship because of DP/DSD

[BabySharkInMyHead]

Let me start by saying my DSD is fantastic, an absolute sunshine in a dark sky and I love her. We have a great relationship.

My issue isn't with her it's with DP's parenting. It makes me worry for our future and the support I would get if we ever have children together.

Firstly, DSD has to sit in front of the car and DP refuses to budge and doesn't understand why I think this is unacceptable. It's a total non issue to him. I have to sit in the back of my own car sometimes. If I sit in the front, the whole journey is "why aren't I sitting in the front?" And DP responds "princesses sit in the back, darling"

Every time he goes to the shop, he has to buy her something. I think hang on, how do ever reward her or buy her a genuine treat when it's now becoming expected?

She's five and she decides whether she is staying with us overnight or whether she goes home. If she doesn't get to go home she screams for hours, literally hours. Even if she's been laughing her head off previously, as soon as it's bed time, she decides to go home and DP has to drive her back or her mum come to collect her and cancel clients at home.

He will give her a thousand options over every little thing, she can be screaming because she doesn't want to go to bed and DP says "who would you like to brush your hair baby?" And I'm sat there thinking, she is absolutely knackered and working herself up. Take the lead and just brush her hair?

"DSD, what would you like for dinner" and DD chooses and then says she doesn't like this dinner anymore. Followed by DP saying how about Jam on toast?

DSD is very confident and will argue with adults, I'll say "the grass is green" and she will argue till she's blue in face. He just laughs his head off.

I love DSD, we get on great and I keep my mouth shut about these issues but his parenting style worries me.

Can I really say to him that's DSD doesn't get to choose whether she stays or goes? I mean I totally agree, however, I am not her parent...

It's up to DP to have the balls to do that. He agrees to plans with me and to plans with his ex of what to do, which in theory should work, but he never does or follows it thorough.

His dad was never around and he spent time with his friends family a lot who's dad did a lot of fun things. I think he is so trying so hard to not be that dad who is never around, which is great but children need and then they respect boundaries.

Due to the kicking off and screaming for her mum at bed times; I suggested a plan that if she is to come to us to stay and agrees and when it's bed time she screams (when she knows she is staying) she must stay. We do not phone her mum and she cries it out.

The first night following the plan DP allowed her up to 9.15pm (already far too late, but I stepped back a bit) and then it was bed time and a cuddle. 10pm he went in to check and she was awake but not upset. So he laid down with her for longer.

He then begins to ask do you need a drink/toilet? I thought fair enough, she's not crying but she may need water. He gets into bed with for another cuddle. 10 mins later he comes into bed.

He comes back and I say no more opening the door and checking, we've made sure she's ok, she's been fed, watered, a treat, play time and time on the iPad. You've read a story and now you're bugging her by constantly opening the door.

He walks past the landing, she's whispering so he said what are you up too? Now queue a huuuuuge cry shouting for mummy (she hadn't mentioned her before) he leaves her to cry and comes into the bedroom. She is literally screeching the place down "phone my mummy, now!" "Mummy come here and get me" followed by dramatic cries and sobs to the toilet to shout "I am going to wipe my eyes!" Then almost making herself sick with tears. Now he gets up and lays with her until she falls asleep by midnight!

It's a nightmare. I don't even know to suggest, I've asked him to ask his ex for her timetable at home and we mirror exactly that.

Sorry if all that is jumbled up. It's 1.42am where I am and I'm exhausted and I've taken Zoplicone to make me fall asleep.

He sounds like a child, himself.

It depends if he's trying to compensate for leaving, which is unhealthy and clearly not working as he's losing a grip on the contact. Or perhaps he's just a dickhead who has no idea. I think you need a serious talk. Can mum be cooperated with?

You see, I think that's wrong, kids can cope with things being different at dad's. That might be the consistency they need to balance too much laises fairer at mums.

Laissez faire, bloody spellcheck