Ex wife problems

[Stepparentchallenges]

In my last post complicated advice needed i have explained that I have chosen to ask him to rent a room locally for the time being and to prove himself with regards to money. (Needing some advice on that post about csa) but I am feeling so run down and depressed with everything that I think we need it to be this way so I am only relying on myself and he can actually step up. Anyways my sister for my birthday bought me and my partner a overnight stay at Thorpe Park and is having my eldest for us whilst she arranged for my partners/ex partner (not really sure what we are,)mum to have my youngest son for us. She handed it to me as a surprise after I made the decision I wanted him to move into a room somewhere. I have decided I think it will be good for us to go together, it'll be fun and have some time alone and we can really talk about things too. However this is where the problem comes into it. We have arranged to drop him off to MIL at 10am next Friday and then drive the two hours from hers to Thorpe Park, have our day at Thorpe Park and check into hotel, then Saturday use our second day at Thorpe Park, get to hers for 5.30 and then make the two hour journey back to my house as we have got to collect my eldest son by 8. This was all fine as my partner is due to see the girls this Friday. His ex wife asked the MIl if she could help her out and have the girls next Friday and she explained she couldn't because she has got our son. The ex wife is now kicking off to my partner as we won't be seeing the girls when we come up and dropping our son of, but they will be in school. And if we were leaving our son with her and she lived closer it wouldn't be a issue. He's now trying to say thy maybe we should just miss out the first day at Thorpe Park to keep her happy but am I being unreasonable to think that we shouldn't have to miss it out when it's not our weekend to see them, and it would waste a day of the gift my sister has given. What would you say to him? He doesn't want us to miss the day but she is just keeping on :(

[Stepparentchallenges]

@Gazelda we are now living seperatley from 31st August. He will see the boys Monday's when I work, and Saturdays when I work.

Financially everything is now seperate I pay my bills, my boys stuff and days out. He pays for his girls, his room, his days ours with the girls.

The girls still think we live together purely to stop the ex wife stopping him having them overnight if we get back together and he moves back in with us. As she has said if we ever split again they wouldn't be allowed to stay:

The boys know that daddy is living elsewhere for now until he gets better.

We aren't in a relationship as such, just putting him as partner on here to save confusion. We are living seperate lives, donohr own things durn the week, and only talk about the boys and how we can try and work out our relationship and see if we can try again.

I am yes taking him to see his girls via car EOW asking as he pays for the fuel so that our son can see his sisters and also his grandparents.


To me Thorpe Park next weekend would be the make or break, we could have a lot of discussions. I have suggested this morning he is honest with the ex and says he is living elsewhere and next weekend we are using Thorpe Park to work everything out for the kids and to be the best of what we can, and to see what he needs help with and how I can help maybe.

[TwistedStitch]

Peppa Pig World, Thorpe Park, Butlins, holidays. But his greedy daughter tried to get a meal that cost a whole £9! Have a word with yourself.

[TwistedStitch]

Btw as I said on your other thread there is no point in separating if you are still doing stuff for him, running around after him, covering for him with his ex. The whole point is to see if he steps up himself. So let him do it all, including getting the train to see his girls. I think you are worried that if you don't still facilitate his contact for him that he won't bother and then you will have to acknowledge how useless he really is.

[Stepparentchallenges]

Peppa Pig world- first time is as a four as the girls were going to Bristol zoo with their mum paid with my bonus and cost me £110 with fuel. Second time is just me and my mum with my son (with my finances)

Thorpe Park- a gift from my sister so haven't paid for it.

Butlins- this year yes we went without them but we couldn't afford for us all to go BUT we are taking them next October (if we stay together.)

Greece next year paid for by my family!

My bonus doesn't have to go on his kids, I wanted to treat my son so I did. And my family aren't responsible to feel they have to pay for my kids and his.

Apart from that we go to the park, or swimming etc which we got free.) so out of all of those things only one thing came out of the budget vs all the trips to see the girls, dinner, days out up there. And it won't be Everytime she is told no she can't, but he earns £240 a week. And that week he has to pay £165 csa, £30 fuel, fed himself for the week and their meal. So yes going for the most expensive stuff plus all the upgrades and making large did double the price from when she had a happy meal or even a normal burger meal. But it's not going to be a issue as they will be having meals with his mum. He will be getting the train which costs slightly more than fuel. Plus his room cost now, so he will soon learn to budget I'm sure as otherwise he will quickly be homeless.


he has just told her that we have seperated, after this mornings message, and that he will be ringing csa to inform them and that he will have to put our son on there, first thing she said was well they'll be changing my payments to lower again then. She has said that as I will be going up next weekend to drop our son of she isn't worried about him seeing the girls as I will be there. She is happy for me to be there this week as a last week: and even if we get back together I am
Not allowed to be there when he visits the girls. So being honest has screwed everything if he does move back in and we make a go of it alls

[rainingcatsanddog]

You had to be honest with the ex because she will twice as angry if she found out from the girls.

The ex will always seem unreasonable to you and your partner because she's not tying herself up in knots trying to make his life easier like you do. In a normal situation he would take your son down on the train to see the girls and his mum.

He has only seen the girls consistently since the summer. That's nothing to crow about.

[rainingcatsanddog]

Btw you said that you weren't going to accept maintenance from him so why is he calling CSA to get his maintenance reduced?

[Stepparentchallenges]

Yes I have said I don't want maintenance, but he is insisting that he pays maintenance and does it all legally incase jr ever turned sour and I tried claiming for when he didn't. I will be putting it straight into w bank account. My only other thought is is he doing it because if he didn't phr my son on to pay me then his maintenance would increase to her now he's not living here. Or am I just being synical.

He won't take our son on the train it's two trains there and two trains back and it's a nightmare taking him, it's so much easier in the car. I do think woman that do buses and trains are brave as I couldn't do it.

He has now told her. So Will wait and see what happens. Will be going in a minute to see them and he's got to explain to them. Suppose at lteasr also her knowing now means I won't get any Backlash treating my kids x

[Bluebell36]

So he's paying you maintenance that you don't need, to avoid paying her maintenance that she does need?

[sue51]

It's not the ex wife who is a problem. After only being constant for 2 months, he is now reducing payment to her with no warning. She must be at the end of her tether with him.

[TwistedStitch]

Look at it from the ex's point of view. He abandons his kids for months whilst getting with you, playing Dad to your son and creating another baby. He is then unreliable with contact, unsuitable sleeping arrangements and going here there and everywhere with the boys whilst moaning about buying his daughters school shoes. He finally appears to be starting to commit to contact with you facilitating it and then he announces you've now split up. She is probably wondering what she will say to her kids when he inevitably stops bothering again.

[HerondaleDucks]

I just have no sympathy for you. I just can't. Leave him. Leave his daughters and just move on with your life. You're obsessed with really pointless stuff and you seem so blinkered and you're blaming his ex all the time. This will be you. He'll move up near her as soon as he knows it's over with you and then this will be your life and they will be slagging you off behind his back.

[youbrokemytwatometer]

Your partner is beyond pathetic. Moves miles from his kids, doesn't see them for months, then can't manage a train journey with his kids, needs his mum to cook his daughters dinner and buy school shoes, lies to get out of seeing the kids, prefers drinking coke to supporting/seeing his kids, and panders to what his ex "allows" him to do instead of going to court for proper contact.

The guy makes my skin crawl and I don't even know him. What the hell do you actually see in him?

[rainingcatsanddog]

What's with all these women (you, his mum...) falling over themselves to sort out a adult man? How can you bear him

[Stepparentchallenges]

Sorry I was driving up here. She doesn't need the maintenance, she wants the extra to go out and do more. We got here and she sent him a message asking him to tell her school that the youngest is attending after school club and breaksft club next week. Which he has done and then they said he owes them £53 for it as she told them he would pay. He's had to refuse as he doesn't have the money and has rung her and she's just had a screaming fit they because he hadn't paid it she probably won't be able to go now. And I'm not lending it him.

If his mum makes dinner jr means less dragging them around in the rain and he can save some for days our and treats for them (so he says).

I presume I can tell csa I don't want to accept the money?? Or will I have to accept it?

I'm hoping he may go to court if she carries on makingbit difficult knowing we are apart.

I wouldn't find jr much fun taking our son on the train as I know how upset he can get in the car for too long. Won't do his family any harm to come and visit him. I would like to think he sticks to his word and stays living close to us, as he said he would never want to move back to his home town and even when we have discussed moving up country for my work he's always wanted to avoid the area.

Today this journey has actually made me feel really fed up as we drive to the home
Town which is two hours. Then drive to one side of town to visit his family, drive backs cross town to pick the kids up, drive back across town for dinner and then back across town to take them home. It's time I make him get the train and be independent and
I can go back to doing stuff with the boys before he starts school next year. Even if we did get back together I think he will need to
Continue the train, will show his commitment. All I can do is give him a
Chance to prove he can do it

[Ember12]

Wow!

[newusername12345]

how about you stop lying? Your partner is so concerned about his ex finding out that you have separated ( apparently because he is sooo concerned about the overnight visits over Christmas), that he decided to start paying you child maintenance (which you don’t want), which means is ex will get less maintenance and of course find out that you have “separated”. Oh and by the way the excuse you give as to why he is paying child maintenance now to you is all rubbish. When you apply for child maintenance your claim starts on that day you can’t just ask for maintenance for the last 10 years, it doesn’t work like that! Why don’t you just admit that you are together? If you have “separated” why do you always say “we”, “it’s not our week to have them”... we did this, we will do that... just because you don’t live together doesn’t mean you are not together...

[Stepparentchallenges]

@newusername12345 sorry I automatically say 'we' it's just habit. I've just dropped him of Home now and working our youngest son into bed. Long day, he told the ex this morning that we are seperated and living seperatley for now to give us some space and make a decision on the future, she isn't happy and isn't happy that he will consult csa but it actually feels so amazing to know that she isn't actually my problem anymore. Took the girls to the fayre tonight which they enjoyed, did throw a tantrum as they could only have 3 rides each but soon calmed down. They seemed to understand that daddy is living elsewhere for now. Saying goodbye to them tonight was sad but I think the best for now. I believe all your advice is right that I do need to take more of a step back and he can catch the train, and probe himself, if he really thinks that much of us he will carry on the progress he has made. Time will tell

[youbrokemytwatometer]

There's always a dig thrown in about those poor kids!

[Bluebell36]

I'm a bit confused. Upthread you say that you've been living apart since the beginning of September but in your other post from last Monday, you say you're looking into him moving out?

[lunar1]

For the op time doesn't flow the same way it does for the rest of us.

[TwistedStitch]

That's true. Turning up twice in a row for contact turns into 'he's been making an effort for months now'.

[UnicornSparkles1]

Good lord OP. I just read through your past posts and it's sobering stuff. He is a waste of space. Stop defending him. Stop trying to make his ex and his daughter's the villains in all of this. The negativity in your posts makes me feel depressed, never mind all the poor people actually living through this shit. Walk away and save yourself.

And take ANYONE else to Thorpe Park. Not him.

[MadameButterface]

"My question was for on advice with dealing with the ex wife and whether I am unreasonable to actually be selfish for a change and not think of any of the kids and enjoy my weekend."

ahahahhaha

'selfish for a change'

hahahahahahahhahaha

good one op

look, if you and he really have separated, you need to sort contact out so that eow he takes his child with you on the Friday and brings him back to you on Sunday. that's it. whether he spends his time dragging him on two trains to see his half sisters and gps or spends the weekend picking his arse, it's none of your business. if the journey is a nightmare for him, it's none of your business.

he will never grow up while he is protected from the consequences of his actions: namely being a bone idle cunt stuck in a low paying job because he can't get his shit together to turn up for work consistently, and spending his weekends juggling kids on public transport because of his decision to move around the country sperminating daft women with gay abandon. he needs to: get a better job, find a place to live where contact can reasonably take place with all his children, learn to drive, pay the correct child support to his various baby mamas. plenty of men manage this. you need to stop obsessing over £9 burgers and school shoes and boring the tits off us with the ins and outs of your Peppa Pig world/Butlins/Thorpe Park travelogues, and parent your kids, not your "ex".

btw pound to a penny says he is using his time away from you in the week to line up the next sucker to fall for this 'my psycho ex hell' bullshit script.

HTH.

[twattymctwatterson]

Honestly read back your posts. You practically parent this man. He's an awful, awful father and a waste of space but you're constantly minimising his terrible behaviour and trying to paint the ex as the unreasonable one. She's losing her shit with you both because she's had years of putting up with the useless cunt and is sick of what he's putting her children through. You're a mug pal. Honestly when your relationship finally goes down the pan and he's moved on to his next victim, you'll look back on these posts and cringe

[funinthesun18]

Now you’re not living together, break those fucking chains OP. Stop running around for him, stop engaging with the ex, stop being involved with his daughters. Just move on and move forward!