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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Paying for DSC emergency childcare

40 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 26/06/2018 17:03

Question around what's reasonable.
I went to midwife today, they thought I may have pre clampsia following tests and asked me to go to hospital. I rang dp and my mom as didn't want to go alone just in case as midwife said if positive they would induce. Both said they would come but dp said he wanted to be there and came with me.
Today is our days as is tomorrow to have his children overnights. He arranged aftrschool club for today, which he is paying for, and let his ex know. Said he'd update her asap with what's happening.
Fortunately turns out I'm okay and it's an infection, so I've been released.
In the meantime the ex has booked the children in for after-school club tommorrow, on our day, which needs to be paid regardless if used without talking to us first.
Ex says he has to pay for it IE tommorrow as well as today but he doesn't have the money ( he would have asked his or my mom or sorted something). He has asked me to pay for the after-school club for them for this second day. What should I do?

OP posts:
Biscusting · 26/06/2018 17:07

I’d just pay it. Ex was being helpful I assume perhaps thinking you would still be in hospital and DP at your side.

Biscusting · 26/06/2018 17:08

What are your options otherwise??

RoboJesus · 26/06/2018 17:10

Your money should be together if you're a family. You need to treat your step kids the same as your own. If you had to put your (yet to be born)baby in child care would you pay for it?

Akire · 26/06/2018 17:11

Genuine family expenses given he was only doing it to support you and new baby. If you can afford it with out any problem then of course, unless you can’t then he have to ask his family.

italiancortado · 26/06/2018 17:11

Oh for god sake just pay it. You have enough to be worrying about with your health problems without creating needless arguments as well. The children were booked into club because it was expected you wouldn't be there and childcare was needed. It's not as if the ex went booked it for her days so she could go out and get pissed, and expect you to pay it!!

italiancortado · 26/06/2018 17:12

By you I meant both of you btw.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 26/06/2018 17:14

Yeah I assume she was trying to be helpful to tbh as I'm not sure if you need to book ahead or not.
Yes I'd pay for child after they are born, as their dad would, as it's mine but I wouldn't ask someone else to. We don't do joint finances as dp request - no joint bank accounts etc.
Prob easier though tbh - ta!

OP posts:
schooltripwoes · 26/06/2018 17:16

How much is after school club? A few pounds at most I expect. And he can't afford it for just one day? How is he expecting to support another child misses point of thread Confused

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 26/06/2018 17:17

Ohh I re read my post and it's nlt clear. The issue isn't that we pay the childcare - it's that I pay for one day of it rather than dp. Obviously the childcare has to be paid for and no way his ex should pay

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 26/06/2018 17:18

It's 45 quid per day for the club

OP posts:
RoboJesus · 26/06/2018 17:19

Right so you need to treat all your children the same. Step, biological, the prefixes don't matter. Please don't worry on this non issue.

animaniac · 26/06/2018 17:21

£45 for an after school club?! Surely not..

animaniac · 26/06/2018 17:22

In any case, the aftercare needs paying. If your DP cant afford it then yes theres no option but for you to pay it

SD1978 · 26/06/2018 17:25

I’m not sure what you’re asking. Are you saying that you have to pay with your money, £45 because the arrangement was made on the basis that you were the cause (albeit medically) of them being booked in? And that you both have seperate finances, not at all combined, and your partner believes the cost is your fault, so your responsibility, and not his, from ‘his’ money? And where do you send them that costs £45?????

Dadsbigsausages · 26/06/2018 17:26

Pay the bill, allow him to owe it to you. Don't let your partner worry about unmet bills when he's probably already worrying about your and your baby's health.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 26/06/2018 17:27

Robot Jesus : our money isn't joint. His request not mine. But its how he wanted the finances and so that's way it is.

Animaniac: yep 15per child per day , so 45 for each day. Total is 90 for the two days. Is that a lot?? I don't have kids yet but I know childcare is expensive.

Tbh I'd agree with idea it is a non issue given health stuff , it's not conviment timing as short but is what it is. Just threw me as not normal for dp

OP posts:
Shiftymake · 26/06/2018 17:30

Wouldn't even blink to paying that bill...

italiancortado · 26/06/2018 17:30

Oh right, I misread completely. I thought you were asking if you (as a joint you and him) should pay or if the ex should.

He wanted separate finances? Let him work out how to pay then Grin

RafikiIsTheBest · 26/06/2018 17:33

£15 per day for after school care, so like 3 hours of care? That's £5 per hour, that's crazy money!

I'll admit it has been more than a couple of years, but not many since I last saw wrap around care costs but surely no more than £10 each at a push?!?! And discount for siblings?

animaniac · 26/06/2018 17:33

Maybe it depends where you are, £15 seems steep.
Anyway, the bill needs paying, whether you just pay it, or pay it and have him owe it you is up to you

funinthesun18 · 26/06/2018 17:35

If he wanted to have separate finances then it’s his problem. He can’t have it both ways.

PotteringAlong · 26/06/2018 17:36

It might be wrap around - I pay £16 a day for out of school club. £8 for 7am - school drop off and £8 for school pick up - 5.30.

It doesn’t sound a lot to me for wrap around.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 26/06/2018 17:38

Yep agree ta everyone , I will cover it as tbh I just want to rest n CBA with a discussion on it
Just threw me as never been an issue before.
Childcare costs are scary tbh but I guess there is a lot of demand for it and I will be having these types of bills for bump when I go back to work anyway

OP posts:
Slapdasherie · 26/06/2018 17:39

Why does he think you should pay instead of him?

funinthesun18 · 26/06/2018 17:43

If you are paying for it then I think he needs to rethink whether his preference for separate finances is actually doable. He can’t just use you as and when it’s suits him. In my opinion he should give you the money back when he has it.