Paying for DSC emergency childcare

[Spanglyprincess1]

Question around what's reasonable.
I went to midwife today, they thought I may have pre clampsia following tests and asked me to go to hospital. I rang dp and my mom as didn't want to go alone just in case as midwife said if positive they would induce. Both said they would come but dp said he wanted to be there and came with me.
Today is our days as is tomorrow to have his children overnights. He arranged aftrschool club for today, which he is paying for, and let his ex know. Said he'd update her asap with what's happening.
Fortunately turns out I'm okay and it's an infection, so I've been released.
In the meantime the ex has booked the children in for after-school club tommorrow, on our day, which needs to be paid regardless if used without talking to us first.
Ex says he has to pay for it IE tommorrow as well as today but he doesn't have the money ( he would have asked his or my mom or sorted something). He has asked me to pay for the after-school club for them for this second day. What should I do?

Because he's short and i have more disposable income than him.
Tbh it's okay and it's an emergency one off. I've thought about it and it's not worth any agro esp with my health, it just threw me

No you shouldn't be paying for it, but of course you should be advancing the money as I would hope he'd advanced the money for you if you had to urgently go and visit your family and you didn't have the money at the time.

Just make it clear he needs to pay you back.

As I think you're discovering, it's not easy to have completely separate finances once you have joint children. If you have more income than him but he has 4 kids to your one how's that going to work?

And really not nice of your DP to be suggesting that you should pay for his kids to be in childcare so that he can be there to support you in hospital

It suggests to me that he's thinking of this new baby as your baby, that you will care for and support and shouldn't cost him either time or money

Summation - we now have a load of abuse in front of kids from ex about how we are not a.fmaily and we arnt reasonable to sort childcare way we have in an emergency and it won't happen again. I am flabbergasted. It was a complete emergency and there was zero other options apart from take them to emergency fetal medicine with us - not appropriate! Also as we are paying and arranged it, I have no idea what her problem is!

In regard to general plans regarding money going forward, yes I agree it needs a re think as it dosnt appear practical in its current format.

No offense but the exact same thing happened to me with my first pregnancy. I went from my normal appointment with the midwife, to emergency admission to hospital due to high blood pressure. My OH was at work. I told him there was no need for him to come as only doing tests and will let him know if it was serious or not. Like you it wasn't and I was discharged so he met me at home. I didn't have any family with me as they lived to far.

There was an option, you said your mum could have come with you, and your OH could have waited with the kids to see if indeed, it became an emergency.

Shouting in front of the kids is never good but your OH need to accept that it was his choice to put his kids in childcare. Maybe she got angry because he suggested she should be paying?

He didn't. It needs a court order tbh to stop this sillynes is bad for kids. It's stresses everyone out for no reason at all.
Yep was option for my mom to go but he wanted to come which I respect as it's his baby too.
It will get sorted I hope, just feels unessisairy

So she agreed to book two sessions herself but is then having a massive row with your OH because he decided they should go to childcare. It makes no sense as surely of she was so angry she wouldn't have booked it in the first place. There must be more to what has been said.

No she does this. No idea why. She did it last time kids were sick and we had them everyday, including her days, to avoid her taking time off but she was cross as had to collect them from ours on last day. It's very strange.
Some people don't like changed routines I guess. About only exploration I can think of

Some people are just argumentative! Although she did seem to be flexible about childcare while you were in hospital. I don’t understand. Or why your DH is wanting you to pay.

The most important thing is you at the moment though. I hope that you continue to have a safe and stress free pregnancy.

I wouldn’t be doing joint money with your DP based on this account of his behaviour.

Tell him you will pay but he owes you it.

You and he can split costs for your DC, and he and his ExW can split the costs of their 3 DC.

Keep it simple.

Yep DP is being cheeky to insist on separate finances then want you to pay for his expenses when he runs out of money!

I'd lend it to him.

Regardless of what the bill is for when me and DP had separate finances we would happily help the other out if they happened to be short. In the end we decided it was just easier to have joint money

Yep was option for my mom to go but he wanted to come

That, in addition to him being the one wanting separate finances, means that he should pay (you can lend him the money).

Hope you get better soon.

Please try to sort out your finances better. You’ll have too much to deal with when LO arrives to be dealing with this. Suggest you open a joint account into which you both pay for joint household expenses, which includes future childcare and expenses for your expected baby.

The contribution he pays to his DCs with his ex should come out of his own money.

Please don’t allow all the costs of this new baby end up being paid solely by you.