Step parent

[Schmikey]

Hi Guys, im new here and really need some advice! Ive been with my partner for almost 3 years. She has 5 children from a previous relationship, 2 live with her and 3 with their dad..As soon as we got together she got a job with working hours of 4pm to 10pm, 3 days a week..Im up at 5am each day and i work 6 days a week..The relationship is on rocky grounds as i told my partner its not fair that i am looking aftre the kids 3 days of the week, im on the go for 14 hours on the days she works, its tiring..I have other commitments in the week also..I have asked her multiple times to try and change her hours, but nothing happens she just finds it acceptable..All of my friends say im doing too much? I just wanted to get some feedback as im not sure what to do, thankyou

OP when you date a woman with children they become your responsibility too when you are in a long term relationship it is not a choice. If you do not like looking after other peoples children can I suggest you do not date women with a responsibility such as parenting.

So you're basically living there.

@Beaverhausen - totally disagree. When you date someone with children, the children don’t automatically become your responsibility. The children have too parents already.

I have a partner with children - that doesn’t make his children my responsibility.

So many times I hear on here that step parents need to back off and remember the boundaries.

I’ve been with my partner almost 4 years. Childcare is up to him. Yes, i’m happy to help out but i’m not a free convienent childcare resource.

I agree with NorthernSpirit. I’m a SM who helps and supports my DH and that includes sometimes helping out with childcare on occasion. They are part of our family, but I am not their mother. I care about them, plan meals and activities with them in mind when they are with us, but the majority of proper parenting is done by DH.

OP when you date a woman with children they become your responsibility too when you are in a long term relationship it is not a choice

Not at all. Totally disagree.

OP ... she's taking the piss because you're letting her do so... because love has clouded your thinking.

She doesn't respect you and simply sees you as her free childcare. She'll see you as weak...because you walk away and come back.

Women don't respect men they view as weak.

Her asking what you'd do if they were your children is irrelevant...they aren't your children. They are hers and she holds parental responsibility not you

Stop being used as a doormat.

She’s using you for unpaid childcare. She should never have taken those hours without checking with you first, and personally I think it’s slack to fob your children off to the step parent on such a regular basis.

I also think it’s a shame these siblings are split up.

run!!

Being in love with someone shouldn’t be difficult! Who told you that OP?!

Being in a relationship should make your life easier, not harder. Dating someone with kids makes life a lot more complicated than dating someone who doesn’t. But there still need to be more benefits than hassles.

If she wants to work those sorts of hours, she should ask their dad to have them. You say he’s already got 3 I’d them full time.

Finding love hard and repeatedly breaking up are two massive red flags.

You know you’re not happy. You know she’s lying to you. You know she’s using you. You know she doesn’t care what you think. You know nothing is going to change.

Don’t be a mug. You deserve more.

@Schmikey - is there a reason her kids are split up? And do the two who are with her ever see their dad?

Give her a month or two notice to find new childcare. See if she still really loves and wants to be with you when you no longer provide free childcare. This will tell you all you need to know.

thethoughtfox has it spot on

Did you get this sorted OP?

LTB