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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

DSD chocolate coveting!

97 replies

PeppersTheCat · 09/04/2018 14:04

Every day I treat myself to a small bag of my favourite chocolates. Occasionally when DH does to the store he'll pick me up a bag. DSD has started to ask for the very same kind of chocolates whereas she was never into them before. Why do I feel so irritated by this? It means I have to hide my chocolate stash in my bedroom instead of in the kitchen cupboard like I used to, But why do I feel so irrationally pissed off?

I have not said anything to DSD or DH, nor do I intend to. I simply want to understand why I feel so territorial over a brand of sodding chocolate. I feel like a crazy woman.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Quartz2208 · 09/04/2018 15:13

How old is she is sounds perfectly normal for a child (under 8). You sound like you dont like her

MsGameandWatching · 09/04/2018 15:16

Storm everything you said in your nasty post could also be reversed to the child's point of view, you do realise that don't you? As for "muscling in"... on sweets? Have you any idea how childish and spiteful you sound? Sadly, probably not.

welshgirlwannabe · 09/04/2018 15:17

Come on now. Adults don't get jealous that a child likes or wants their chocolate. OP you cannot behave like this, it's awful. You have to find a way to stop. I'd be so cross if any member of my family was behaving in this manner, surely you can do better. You're an adult now so act it

WhaleTasting · 09/04/2018 15:21

Anyhoo, I'll switch to a different brand and see what happens. She can keep her love for my hereto favorite brand. If you guys are right and she genuinely likes this brand then she won't switch to my new ones, will she?

You won't eat the sweets you like to "catch" an 8 year odl copying you?

Maybe she just tried them because she ate one of yours and realised she liked them. Maybe she just wants to copy you, she's 8.

I was with you when you thought you were just being irrational (we're all weird sometimes) but trying to catch her out is wrong and mean spirited.

WhaleTasting · 09/04/2018 15:24

She's 8. But mentally 13. No joke.

No she's 8. No machiavellian plots here. Stop trying to pin your issues on a child by making them seem older and more calculating than they are.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/04/2018 15:30

Its how you act on them that makes the difference

Yes, like setting a trap for an 8 year old.

I suspect its because you already have to share so much with her - your partner, your home, your time.

So when OPs own child expresses a like for the same sweets OP will post a thread dripping with spite about it? Because she will be sharing all those things with her own child too.

LemonysSnicket · 09/04/2018 15:48

Because you see her as a threat? He’ll pick her if he had to and the chocolates symbolise her wanting what’s usually yours?

A theory anyway

HarshingMyMellow · 09/04/2018 16:08

You begrudge your 8yo step-daughter liking a certain type of chocolate, because you like them too?

Would you feel the same if it was your own child?

SoupDragon · 09/04/2018 16:12

I had no idea they were hers

To clarify it was definitely my bag of chocolates

Make your mind up. Your “explanation” about her wailing that they were here’s makes no sense.

Anyhoo, I'll switch to a different brand and see what happens.

Or you could try growing up.

Dancingmonkey87 · 09/04/2018 16:24

You constantly post nasty things about your dsd I hope her dads sees sense and leave your arse, she’s a bloody kid.

00100001 · 09/04/2018 16:39

What are you going do if the 8yo does swap to the new chocolates... what will that "prove" on your mind?

00100001 · 09/04/2018 16:44

Also - you clearly don't like your step-daughter. You've said so yourself!

StormTreader · 09/04/2018 16:47

Storm everything you said in your nasty post could also be reversed to the child's point of view, you do realise that don't you? As for "muscling in"... on sweets? Have you any idea how childish and spiteful you sound? Sadly, probably not.

Hahaha! 1. No it couldn't. 2. I'm not spiteful at all, I just seem to be the only person not jumping onto the evil stepmother bandwagon that MN loves to be a part of. The OP is a stepmother but is also a person, and is allowed to have feelings as irrational as anyone. Having a feeling of "waaah, but that's mine!" is human, we don't become some saintly ethereal entity simply because we are in a relationship with someone with a child.

Whats spiteful is trying to tell someone that having irrational human emotions makes her unacceptable as a person.

Dancingmonkey87 · 09/04/2018 16:57

This is the op who hated being a parent and left her two dc with her ex and shacked up with a new man who had a dd from a previous and had a protection order against by his ex and had to go through courts to regain access by to her home and ultimately got pregnant by him even though she hates being a parent! Most of her threads get deleted but there’s one where she admits that she hates being a parent.

stitchglitched · 09/04/2018 17:02

Cafcass have also had to intervene re OP's 'discipline' of her stepdaughter and made recommendations that she leaves her be.

Dancingleopard · 09/04/2018 17:08

I don’t know how men can stay with women when they make it clear they hate their child. It’s my worst nightmare and I hope to god dh never split because of shit like this

MsGameandWatching · 09/04/2018 17:10

Hopefully this thread will be deleted too then and take Storm's spiteful stupidity with it too.

NellythePink · 09/04/2018 17:14

What kind of chocolate is it?

NellythePink · 09/04/2018 17:24

BtW, she might be doing it because she looks up to you and wants to emulate you

Ginorchoc · 09/04/2018 17:38

I hide chocolate from my daughter, I’m an expert at talking whilst hiding a chunk of choc in my cheek without her knowing, I could be a professional ventriloquist when she suddenly appears unexpectedly.

However I’m thinking of my daughters teeth she does get her own and it’s not some weird competition.

Ginorchoc · 09/04/2018 17:40

Oh latest updates from posters changes the scenario some what.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/04/2018 17:43

Is this the OP who posted about social services preventing her taking her newborn home from the hospital because of her abusive partner?

SoupDragon · 09/04/2018 17:44

I just seem to be the only person not jumping onto the evil stepmother bandwagon

I’m not jumping on that bandwagon. I would have said the same if she was the mother. The step mother part is irrelevant.

Having advanced searched the OP, I wonder why she hasn’t left her abusive husband yet though.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 09/04/2018 17:49

Do you have siblings OP? I remember my younger sister changing her chocolate choice to mine at the newsagent and feeling ragey. I've seen my kids swap their chocolate choice to what their sibling is having. Other people's choices always seem much tastier. I suspect that if you swap brands, dsd will too but it's coming from a positive place (wanting to be like you) rather than spiteful.

On a separate note, you eat a little chocolate daily, did you always offer dsd chocolate too? 99% of kids would love some chocolate daily.

upsideup · 09/04/2018 18:03

Poor little girl, threads like this make me so sad.
My dsd used to do the same when she was little, pretend to enjoy watching movies with me that I knew she didnt really like or pretend she wanting a matching top that she really thought was ugly, I didnt think she wasnt being jealous or manipulative or try and play spiteful little games to set her up, she wanted reassurance that I liked her, she wanted something to bond over with me and to impress me, her life had been torn apart and she had a new strange lady in her life taking away part of her dads attention.
Being a step mother is a blessing just like being a mother is, be kind to her, be a grown up.

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