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Step-parenting

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Over reaction or I did wrong?

30 replies

Melrose78 · 02/04/2018 02:19

Hey all. I'm looking for some advice.
I've been with my bf now for nearly 3 years. We are looking at moving in together but I'm feeling uncertain it's wise.
He has 3 girls who are nearly 16, 13 n 9.
They're are awesome kids but very messy. I'm forever asking them to put dishes in sink, turn off lights n clean any food mess they leave (when at my place ) The nearly 16 year old os the worst. The younger 2 most times do their best but she doesn't bother. She hides when she knows it's time to clean up.
I mentioned to bf yesterday he needs to start encouraging ALL of them to clean up.
Didn't mention names.
Later on I noticed a brown mark that was large on couch and asked if anyone has spilt anything.
He had a go at the girls n told them to be more careful (totally wasn't my intention at all. I normally don't say anything n clean up whatever it is)
Eldest said could be dog slobber (i checked that it wasn't wet before I said anything)
Before I knew it he was telling me I shouldn't point fingers etc.. Considering I asked a question I was pretty angry.
Later I said to him I rarely say anything n am hurt it became what it became.
Today we are doing our own thing. After nearly a month in each others pockets (the 2 of us went overseas for nearly 3 weeks)
Did I approach it wrong? Or is he being over sensitive (he said he felt like he had to defend his girls) His previous relationship before he n I seems to have been constant bickering between ex gf n his eldest. Maybe he's worried it will happen again?

OP posts:
Magda72 · 06/04/2018 19:55

@Melrose78 - so sorry for what you're going through but tbh that (to me) seems a very passive aggressive txt & it also reads like he & his girls as a unit decided to break up with you.
From your thread I really do think you're better off as this is the second relationship he's shelved because of his kids. That's pretty telling.
Get that gorgeous dog of yours back in the house for cuddles & leave (ex)bf & his girls to their own devices.
He'll wake up one day & realize that they are all living their own lives & he's by himself.
Silly man.

HeckyPeck · 06/04/2018 20:34

I'm so sorry you're hurting Melrose.

I do agree with Magda though about the text being very passive aggressive. It also sounds like he thinks you'll just wait around for him to be ready which is very Twatty and controlling.

It does sound like you'll be much better off without him, but I know it must feel crappy right now.

Sending hugs

Melrose78 · 06/04/2018 22:20

Thanks Magda72 and Heckypecky.
One thing he has achieved is making me feel like I was just he 3 year rebound.
I know I'm hurting but I know his 2 youngest are going to take it badly as well.
I'm gonna miss them terribly. Miss his whole family terrible. 😢

OP posts:
WhiteCat1704 · 07/04/2018 07:30

OP..honestly you dodged a bullet!

Let your dog sleep with you again and your now ex boyfriend can clean up after his 16year old princess in peace

Ps. Judging by the message he is full of shit

NorthernSpirit · 07/04/2018 08:15

Chin up. Looks like you have dodged a bulletit.

He’s not a 16 year old boy. It’s not acceptable to finish with someone by text. He’s a grown man for gods sake and you deserve more.

The situation was never going to change, he doesn’t think there’s a problem. Let him clean up after his snowflake children the rest of his life.

Good luck x

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