Bf yelled at my 3 year old

[upsetmummyof3]

Posting on step parents as not sure where else to post. Bf of nearly a year doesn't live with us but is here 2 full weekends a month and quite a few mid week visits too. My lb is just 3 and doesn't see his dad so is always here when my bf is. Bf has two kids who are 6 and 8. My older kids are 9 and 11 and usually not here when my bf is. The other night my lb was just finishing his dinner and one of my "best" dishes was on the table as I hadn't put it away yet. Lb decided randomly to launch it across the room. It didn't go anywhere near anyone as he threw it in the other direction. He's going through a throwing phase 😩 I was clearing up across the room and my bf yelled "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??!!" at my lb. I was really shocked as I wouldn't have yelled like that and am trying hard to explain to lb why certain behaviours aren't ok whilst firmly telling him no. Bf immediately apologised but it's left me feeling uneasy. The dish wasn't broken so quickly put away. It was just the three of us about. He shouted at him again one day whilst I was upstairs as he'd turned an empty wine bottle upside down so a drop or two fell on the sofa. No big deal in my world but all I heard was "I told you no!!!" like he's done something really wrong. Quite OTT in my book and I've told him before that it's my job to discipline my kids. I don't discipline his in his home. He says he treats all kids the same no matter who's they are. Would you be upset in my shoes?

I have a toddler and I yell. Mostly when he climbs, throws things and wants to do dengerous stuff...which is A LOT...

I get where your boyfriend is coming from but it sounds like you don't want him to reprimand your son. Frankly you shouldn't have men around him at all if thats your approach. Get a babysitter and go out with boyfriend totally separately of children.

Well men are perfectly capable of dealing with toddlers without yelling at them.
OP, if you can't trust him on his own with your LO, he's not a keeper, I'm sorry.
Ignore the last couple of posters with their ideas of strict discipline for three year olds.

Wow, has no one ever raised their voice at their children?

At the end of a long day when they're not listening? When you turn round and see them doing something so plainly wrong that you react out of panic/ shock with a yell?

If one of my DC's at the age of 3 had flung a plate across the room, I'm 110% i would have yelled. Out of shock. If they did it now, I'd still yell. Out of anger and disbelief.

I think this is about differences in parenting styles and expectations. You're on very different pages and that IMO is the problem.

He isn't the parent. He's the boyfriend and doesn't live there.

Just as an example, my mother let her 'boyfriend' treat all of her children like this throughout their childhood. She married him and they're still together. Most of her children don't talk to her. I barely talk to her and don't have much respect for her. No man will ever treat my children the way she let him treat us.
You choose your own path.