So ashamed but i don’t want step son here

[JustMarriedAndLovingIt]

Disclaimer- I love my 2 step kids. However, this has been a hard week. DH and his ex finally got to their financial separation after 2 years of her dragging her feet. No joke, they were fighting over NOTHING. No property, no savings, no shared pensions. Zilch. In order to get it, we had to agree to pay the rest of their shared debt to which she claims was never hers. (Joint and severally liable loans) We have already paid at least £6k and the tight wad has paid nothing. You should have seen her smug ‘haha’ face in court when DH told her he would pay the final £1400 if she would just sign. She still wanted a random £3k and spousal maintenance (DH earns £26k) but the judge said no way. She has since sent gloaty texts saying ‘you rolled over re the debts finally’ ‘I will pursue u for the rest’

I just can’t face seeing DSS this weekend yapping on about mummy and how kind she is,knowing how abusive she is to us. She will send 15 texts in a row and call over and over, even if it’s midnight. Just the other week, she announced at 10.30pm that DSS had a Saturday all day rehearsal for his play on our weekend (we live 100 miles away) She ranted for 15 minutes re what we were going to do, was he going? DH said he would call the school the next day as he only had three lines. By 7.30AM, the next day, she was on the phone ranting and texting. What was happening? She needed to know NOW? It’s making me ill.

Sorry for long post but as the SM I feel I have no right of reply. Think I will go to my mum this weekend as DSS is here.

Welcome to the board!
My partner’s ex’s behaviour is truly shocking. It’s never going to get better and anything reacted to only makes things worse than better. I have no direct comms with her. I keep my distance from her which minimises possibility of conflict in front of my partner’s child. And is best for me too.
I derive massive pleasure from spending time with her daughter and her daughter loves me (but not as a Mum obv!) and trusts me. These are the important things. It’s easy to bite my tongue as, even at three years old, she knows that her opinions are different from her mums. There’s no need for me to say anything.
So my advice to you is to bite your tongue at this particularly painful time. Her son is innocent in all of this. Gladly have him over this weekend and make sure to do some fun stuff.

I am going to have to try and stop wallowing by the sounds of it DH has just left to get DSS as I didn’t want to see her. Might suggest the cinema tomorrow.

In answer to your earlier question OP, yes it’s hard having no right of reply. The normal social conventions of life do not apply to SMs. You need to make sure you and your DH are united on how things operate in your home as far as the DSCs are concerned. Too many SMs are with Disney Dads who will not parent their DCs properly and cause endless anguish for their wives.

Please don't punish DSS for the ex. I know it's hard, I have been there too, but it's so important to remain consistant and to allow him to talk about his mum. You don't have to agree, and if you need time out at some point I would hope OH would help to give you space and/or change subject to help.

Treat him how you would want yours treated :)