Does it need to be every weekend ?

[Everyotherweekend]

Advice needed, we have SS eow and time through the week, which varies depending on needs of DH and his ex's work. However this is now the 6th consecutive weekend we've had DSS. I understand we've have family visiting and he wants to see them (my family not DH) However it's the only weekend we have the opportunity I would have to spend time with my family in an adults only setting. I want to go on a day trip with just my family, then out for dinner in the evening. Followed by a low key Sunday, Sunday lunch etc. DH wants us to move the day trip to Sunday, for me to watch DSS on Friday while he goes out, take DSS to sport training on the sat, for him to come with us to dinner, then day trip on Sunday. Am I being unreasonable to want one weekend for myself with my family? DH has gone in the huff, because I suggested one weekend without DSS.

[RandomMess]

Book a sitter, hire a 2nd car if need be. Tell DH his feelings of guilt do not trump everything and if he he feels THAT guilty cancel his Friday night plans and spend the evening with his son.

What happens when you raise with him that his hobbies come before DS needs and your needs are always behind DS'

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

YANBU

Speaking as someone who had DSCs every weekend for five years!

It was very draining and I never got time to have my own weekend, a weekend with DP, time with my children without step sibling stresses. And not to mention it just enabled their mother to think parenting was just providing meals three weekday nights. The children needed their Mum at weekends just as much as their Dad. Of course bringing this up is awful. You just get labeled evil step mum.

Total and complete sympathies to you.

If it’s any warning to your DP - my DSCs stopped coming completely so DPs efforts to be there didn’t result in any better relationship for him.

[Everyotherweekend]

@RandomMess if I ever raise that I feel2nd to DSS husband just brushes it off ..... I'm with you all the time, etc etc. Love the idea of a sitter and just buggering off doing my own thing. But I want DH to come too and think I would look like the big bad wolf if I was to go to extreme lengths - car hire etc. just to get a day away from DSS. Think that would send the wrong message. But I totally see where your coming from ..... still radio silence from OH !

[smithssquarecrisps]

Your husband is taking the piss

[RandomMess]

You do need to take a stand he is treating both you and DSS badly. His son needs him at the moment but he's quite happy for you to babysit but not a professional sitter???

You need some adult time with your DH and rarely seen family but that doesn't matter to him either.

Seriously he is utterly selfish, self centred and taking the piss...

[Justdontknow4321]

Yanbu. Your husband is taking the piss.
1 weekend out of 6 is not unreasonable.
Why did your husband agree to this weekend if he knew it was your anniversary and it wasn’t actually your weekend to have him? I know his mum is struggling but you don’t have to help to the point it makes you miss key events or not do stuff you have planned.

I’d either say to your dh if he insists on having him that you will not watch him Friday so he can do his event or take him to sports as your busy so he will have to do it or say your have him Friday night but he needs to be dropped back first thing sat and his mum takes him to his clubs etc.

We have my partners daughter eow and I wouldn’t mind if we had her for a few on a trot for whatever reason but I would just say no if I already had plans.

[Everyotherweekend]

I'm just going to leave it with him for the minute. I've made my feelings clear. I can be guilty of being a dog with a bone so to speak. DH has asked to include DSS I've said would prefer not. (We were meant to be going away child free for the weekend but we had to move it to mid week) If DH insists then, I'll go out with my mum on Friday. Leave him to either cancel his plans or take DSS. Continue to do the day trip on saturday, I'm going to book it today and if DSS wants to come he'll need to cancel his commitments/sport and it's the first of the season. BF has said she'll watch DSS sat night if needed. So frustrated, can wait to get back into a routine !

[JustMarriedAndLovingIt]

Mum and step-mum here. I find the dynamic is so different when the two step DC’s are here. We always have to be doing something ‘fun’ and interacting. It’s not like that with DS who lives here full time. He occupies himself, has his clubs, we do family stuff sometimes and he goes to his room sometimes. EOW when they are here is tiring, I know the feeling.

You need to get back to EOW by the way OP. And tell your DH that you are not babysitting HIS son. It’s his time to spend time with him so he shouldn’t be going out!

[Northernparent68]

Seriously a man who sees his son regularly is bein criticised ?

[NeeChee]

Due to illness, snow and pre-booked activities, this weekend will be the 4th in a row we have had DSS. I have to admit I'm looking forward to having a weekend to ourselves, if it happens. Something will probably come up knowing my luck lol.
You should definetly spend some time with your family. I don't see mine enough, and I feel bad for it :(

[timelord92]

Would you go out with your parents on the Sunday on your own without and leave him to it at home? If he gets to go out Friday nights then I don’t see why you cant have some alone time too. Also, if this is a recent thing then why is your partner going out why he has agreed with the mother to have your DSS for the weekend?

It isn’t your responsibility to mind DSS while he goes out either, that is up to him and the mum. I don’t think your being unreasonable as your DSS has been with you for 6 weeks now and as far as I can see, there shouldn’t be a problem having one weekend for yourselves. Afterall, even people still in intact families still have adult only time every so often so why should it be any different for you. Plus, the DSS also has a mother who should be glad to have her for at least one weekend again.