BM rant!

[lilbeemumma]

So DH drove my SS home to his BM's house after training tonight... of course she answered the door wearing nothing but a skimpy towel... right at the time he said he'd be there. Of course her fiancé wasn't there either. WTF is wrong with some people!! Sorry for the rant - fed up with dealing with 40yo children.

fed up with dealing with 40yo children.

You sound like one yourself.

Funny people get so offended by terms, I once had a gang of mumsnet lot going off on one because I said biological Mum! Why is it offensive? I’m a biological mum and a step mum so what !

Any op I can imagine how your feeling I have all these issues with his ex, will they always be a thorn in our side? How did your dp react? X

I agree it's a bit odd, but it's something you and DP can laugh at.

I don't think birth mother is offensive. I gave birth to my son therefore I am his birth mother. Some people just like to be offended

But her son was there too, no?

Birth mother / Sperm donor both very offensive.

I think of it as biological mum. That's not offensive surely?

When it is used by an SM in the context of having a rant about said person it is offensive and it is meant to be offensive.

i am a birth mother and have no issue with the term - on this forum it is derogatory and rude.

Sperm donor is very different from bio mum.

Sperm donor is used where you have genuinely used sperm donation...it where you have a dad who plays little or no part in his child's life and is as good as a sperm donor.

Whatever you find offensive...you cannot say every mother finds it offensive.

I accept that it's a term generally used when talking about adoption.... but it would help to focus on what the OP is actually saying...rather than pouncing like a lion .

Birth Mum/biological Mum depends on the context.

In an adoption situation? Perfect. Why? Because the child will have been adopted by someone else who is raising them and performing the Mum role (if it’s an adoption with a Mum involved) so Mum will refer to them and it’s necessary to differentiate who is being discussed so birth Mum/biomum is used.

In a step parent situation? Not necessary. Because everyone know who Mum is. It doesn’t need clarified that they’re referring to the person who gave birth. Mum already means that person. No need to add birth or bio.

BM is a term referring to adopted children's natural parents not as an alternative to step parents.
It's their mum. Not birth mum.
What are you worried about the towel thing? That he fancies her? She was probably having a bath without kids. I think you need to get over it and rethink your use of words.

Ah ok, so it's offensive when a step mum says it. Thanks for the clarification

It is offensive when anyone uses the term to attempt to differentiate between mum and step mum, not just the step mum.

I suspect many who say they have no problem would feel differently had the step mother in Their situation referred to them, to their children, as ‘she’s just your biological mother’.

In the context of this forum then yes - I have yet to see a nice post about a BM on this forum, it is undoubtedly used as a form of insult.

So yes if any step parent father mother or transgender uses it in a derogatory way to describe birth mother or father then it is offensive.

The majority of SMs are decent people who do not feel the need to use insulting terminology. It is amazing how respectful the lone parent forum is. Comments about disliking the SM / GF etc but not the vitriol you see on here.

XH sometimes answers the door in a towel when I drop DS off.
It just means he's not dressed yet- literally have never given it a second thought.

Maybe your DH enjoyed letting you know about it to give himself an undeserved ego boost.

Until now! (before someone picks me up on my use of 'literally' )

MY GOD. A.... a towel?!

I mean is he ok? Is he scarred for life or unable to stop thinking of her when 50% of her body was covered and he's seen it all before anyway?
Or did he accidentally slip and have sex with her because there was no clothes barrier?

Get a grip OP.

Next time you see her just say 'oh no towel today' and give her a