Broody, sad stepmum

[Saff33]

I'm sorry. I just need to get some stuff off my chest.

I've been with my DP 2 years. He is the love of my life and best friend.

He has a 7 year old son with a VERY difficult mother. She demands a huge amount of money but my DP won't go through CMS (who calculate he owes HALF of what he pays her, on top he pays half of childcare, school trips, school dinners as she will threaten to mess with contact, and he desperately wants to avoid court or conflict. She is demanding emotionally despite being remarried, and will often start text arguments when she knows we're having quality time together (for instance when we're on holiday). She's a really vile person and emotionally abused my DP for years.

Things are getting slowly better, boundaries being put in place. But the most overwhelming thing is how unbearably broody I am. We take DSS to a soft play and the sight of the children running around and their happy mummies and daddies watching them makes me cry. I My PT told me last week she is expecting and I cried all the way home. I'm even jealous of my DP. I see him and DSS and I'm so jealous that he has a child I can hardly bear it sometimes. And then I start to resent DSS because if he hadn't been born, I could be trying with my DP by now. DP is likes the idea of having more children but phrases it like, 'I think it would be lovely for DSS to have a brother or sister'. What? That should have nothing to do with it. I want to be told, 'I think it would be lovely to have family together with you, and I think you would be a wonderful mummy'.

Every day feels empty. I love my job and have a great career, my own house, a good life. But it feels pointless. Like I'm just walking along an endless, pointless road.

Time? For what, for him to string you along another few years telling you of course he'd marry you and have a baby if it wasn't for the wicked ex?
How long are you going to believe that for? Until your chance is passed and he goes on to the next one.....

Saff - do not waste time.

You need a man ready and able to give you a family. Preferably without difficult Ex issues. You say he is the love of your life, but his love so far is dragging his feet over what he knows you need, and that’s not love.

Please, please, give him an ultimatum. Or just leave and start afresh with someone who has not got kids.

I would honestly re think my relationship with him.

You want children but your DP is more concerned about his Ex and Ds.
Even if you do have a baby, your DP will be walking on egg shells because of how jealous his ex and son might get.
It'll put such a huge damper on your pregnancy and baby.

I would rather go it alone or with someone else without this baggage.

So in your posts you are upset because:

Your dp talks about how nice it would be for his ds to have a sibling rather than how nice it would be to start a family with you. He already has a family, you having a child would simply be adding to it.

And the fact that he pays the ex maintenance above the CMS level when she has married someone else.... sorry, but again the amount of money he pays is indicative of the fact he is a decent father.

You’re clearly not cut out to be in a relationship with someone who has “baggage” (for want of a better word,) that’s not a criticism, it’s not for everyone, but you should leave the relationship and look for one with someone who doesn’t have children.

Please, please, give him an ultimatum
Anyone giving me an ultimatum would see me telling them goodbye, even if I'd been considering what they wanted in the first place. There is no more controlling behaviour than giving someone an ultimatum. It's an immediate turn off for me.