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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Bedroom arrangements

40 replies

LemonMuffin837 · 15/01/2018 21:26

So, we have three bedrooms. One is obviously mine and DP's, the second largest is SD, the box room is SS at the moment.
SD and SS stay every Saturday, but I'd say once a month actually sleep in their bedrooms, they usually fall asleep downstairs. They only ever really sleep in their rooms if they have friends stay or we've got to be up early and don't want to have to tip toe round our own front room to try not to wake them.
I am currently 30 weeks pregnant. I plan on keeping the baby in with me for at least 6 months or until whenever I feel he is ready to go in to his own room.
My question is, and it's just out of curiosity, how would you deal with the bedroom situation?

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Original poster

LemonMuffin837 · 15/01/2018 21:31

Forgot to add that SD is almost 8 and SS is 13.

OP posts:

AFOS11 · 15/01/2018 21:31

How old are they?

WhiteCat1704 · 15/01/2018 21:39

Baby gets a box room and SS and SD either share or one of them gets a sofa bed downstairs.

Chocolate50 · 15/01/2018 21:46

The sd & ss are too old to share. Ask your DH what he thinks? And maybe ask your SS & SD. Share it

20PoundsOfCrazyInA5PoundBag · 15/01/2018 21:46

I would say baby should share with SD. She has the bigger room and is younger. Or ask them if SD and SS would like to share (not likely) and put baby in box.

AFOS11 · 15/01/2018 21:47

Agree - baby gets the box room, other two share but make sure their beds are separated in the room if possible so they have some privacy. Maybe put a wardrobe between them or something.

I have found it works if you include the children in the discussion I.e. we are soon to be three, it’s important we all have our own space - here are two suggestions....etc... but we are open to others, what do you two think. It might surprise you and feeling included means they won’t feel pushed out

Chocolate50 · 15/01/2018 21:47

Your SS & SD could take tirns to stay over & then they could still have friends to stay

grinchymcgrinchface · 15/01/2018 21:49

I think your child should get the second largest room as they will be living there full time. Sd box room and ss downstairs. Doesn't sound like it will be a problem if they only sleep in those rooms once a month.
Or maybe ss in box room and baby and sd in second room depending on how big it is.

SandyY2K · 15/01/2018 22:02

Your SS & SD could take tirns to stay over

Bad idea.

welshweasel · 15/01/2018 22:06

If you give the stepkids the largest room, would there be room to partition it so they have their own space? One of my friends did this with similar ages stepkids and it worked brilliantly. Required some thought as to space saving furniture and a sliding door but solved the problem. Then you have the second largest room and baby goes in the box room. Or baby shares with SD. You can’t make SS sleep on the sofa when the baby arrives.

Gwendolenfairfaxx · 15/01/2018 22:07

Baby’s home 24/7 - baby gets own room. Your SD and SS can’t expect to have a room each for what equates to 4 nights per month.

TheFallenMadonna · 15/01/2018 22:11

They don't go to bed when they are staying with you?

lunar1 · 15/01/2018 22:14

Why don't they go to bed?

Original poster

LemonMuffin837 · 15/01/2018 22:15

I've spoken with SD about it, she says she wants baby in with her, which has made the decision a lot easier. She's Brill, tells me she will keep an eye on him for me and come and wake me if he cries, and during the day if I'm tired and want to go to sleep because he's been up all night she will look after her baby bro for me. Bless her. Obviously I'm not that irresponsible and that won't actually happen!
It's easy for now, as nothing will need to change, she can even keep her pink wall and girly furnishings, she will just have a cot and baby things in her room. It's just when he starts getting a bit older is when it starts getting tricky. I don't want to tell one child they can't have a bedroom because of mine, I don't want them to feel pushed out. But I also don't want my son to feel like he doesn't get a choice on anything because of his half siblings who don't live here. I'm finding the choice quite difficult, I know it's a long way yet, but I do like a plan! Everyone I speak to about it is pretty mixed and I'm just not sure how to get around it. I wish I could afford a bigger house

OP posts:

Original poster

LemonMuffin837 · 15/01/2018 22:21

@TheFallenMadonna @lunar1

They usually all fall asleep watching a film, it's how it's been since I've been with him, been 6 years now.
I just assume this was a Saturday night thing they all did, DP usually falls asleep downstairs with them. As he only gets to have them over night once a week he relaxes the rules a little I suppose.
I don't mind, I get the bed all to myself on Saturdays and it doesn't cause any problems.

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 15/01/2018 22:23

Baby in with SD seems like a plan, you can involve her in planning etc and make feel like the important big sister. SD and SS are too old to share imo.

You sounds like a fantastic stepmum, hopefully it will all go smoothly. Congratulations

grinchymcgrinchface · 15/01/2018 22:29

Probably won't be a problem when your little one gets older as when he is 4/5 dss will be 18 and likely won't want to stay anymore.

Chocolate50 · 15/01/2018 22:55

Thats great news. Your SD will have a close relationship with the baby if they share a room it'll be lovely

lifeandtheuniverse · 15/01/2018 23:19

Glad you have found a solution that works for you.and there were some good ones

Some of the comments on here, we have to hope are evil - step kids stay separately, stick one on the sofa bed - we are now going to be three - sorry how about 5. Baby gets big room and steps split in to one room and sofa.....Seriously glad OP is nicer than that

lilydaisyrose · 15/01/2018 23:24

My 8 yr old looks after my baby while I have a snooze - not during the day but from like 6.30-7.30am or so every so often on a weekend morning. They are in a safe space and he comes to get me if she needs fed or changed, don't discount it!

Greensleeves · 15/01/2018 23:28

I was just thinking that lifeandthe universe. Lucky children that their stepmother is a lot kinder and more inclusive than some posters on this thread.

GrannyMac2018 · 15/01/2018 23:46

@welshweasel great idea to partition biggest room for ss and sd then everyone has their own space
And baby has their own room
I suppose if contact is weekend only you don't have to worry about baby waking sd

@LemonMuffin837 nice to see you have found an approach that works for all 3 kids

swingofthings · 16/01/2018 07:03

No point in planning for the longer future. It might very well be that by the time he is 3, you can decorate in a more neutral colour and your SD might be very happy about this, and by the time he is 5, your SS is off to Uni and not care to have a room any longer.

It's great that you've spoken to your SC and that has led to an agreement that suits everyone.

grinchymcgrinchface · 16/01/2018 07:53

I don't think as some posters have said that the suggestions were cruel. Op has a 3 bed house, step children only stay over once a week and only sleep in their beds 12 times a year. They both have rooms at their mums. Why should her son not have his own room because of 12 nights of the year.
I actually don't think baby and sd in same room will work. She will have a disturbed sleep and may feel has too much responsibility at a young age. But that's just me, maybe I'm a wicked witch.

welshweasel · 16/01/2018 08:07

Grinchy, have you been in the situation of having older stepkids then bringing a baby into the mix? If so, I’m amazed at your response. Have you any idea the resentment that can breed towards the baby and parents if the situation isn’t handled delicately? Baby is going to take up most of the parents time, that’s inevitable, but older kids can feel pushed out. Take their room away from them too and I’d be surprised if they still came to visit.

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