Ds not interacting with them

[mpeters82]

Hi,

My son goes with his dad every other weekend but getting fed up not knowing what is going to happen.

My ex tell me my son goes theres does not interact with his gf and her two kids. He wants to come home 2hrs of being there. He told his dad he wanted to only see him sundays but he changed his mind. Now I am on edge and not even sure he go with his dad.

My ex cancelled last weekend my son was upset and he was saying I want to kill myself but went on about school. My ex picked up on his doing that as he wants attention. Really upset both of us.

But my ex come for day with his gf I believe they need quality time together. He don't see him all.

Something happening my son not the same like he was at the start

Hi,

I did offer to go bring my son up there but he accused me basically of wanting to cause trouble at his home and work. Which is bs to be honest.

My ex that when we visited him at work it was causing him issues.

We were living together separated and my ex and I never got on at all. If I would ask him to take our son school he refuse. I would get up leave to avoid that morning struggle with my son. I know I know it was wrong caused him to get in trouble at work.
But I felt I needed him to take him from time to time.
So eventually after thinking this situation too much I took my son and left. I made a lot of mistakes. I nearly went to a refuge but just went b&b got help.
I did stop my ex seeing him although think at time wanted the dust to settle just was so angry. But my ex took me mediation we set arrangments up and those days even though we were arguing he still saw our son. He came to parents evening etc.

He would say off work tommorow can have him until tommorow night.

Then there was a weekend my family was down my ex was like he coming that's it. I think he didn't go that time but each weekend he go with him.

But saying that I do believe since he moved in with his gf. He changed his involvement is less and less. He happy he lives far away. Not hassle taking our son school he got out of that. He don't come parents evening. Infact he just calls school. I don't invite him but if he wanted he come.
I got use to him not there anyway. But he would always see my son. There was no problem with their relationship. My ex use to take him away for week. Do cinema etc.
Now because he gives me money each he don't really do one 2 one.

I get he got gf and stepkids and they planning on extending their family etc. My son feels out of place going there. He upset you clearly see. He been told what goes on here stays here.

All of a sudden my son causing problems the minute my ex and I don't argue. Although my ex tries I don't escalate it by getting angry.
I told my ex you yesterday new year comes I won't be messed around. You and him need to talk. I can really lay in hard. But basically me fighting for me to keep my son and his father relationship going. One time my said no I don't want to see him.
I think it's because I use to have issues with my stepmum and really don't want my son to go through same thing. I still have problems with her too. My son likes his dad gf so as I could say it's her I won't. It's just him making excuses. They go on holidays and not saying my ex not asked me to do passports. I need to do it. But it's like he can go away for a week. Not take few days to me here see him and collect from school take him out.
He just doing less and less cannot be asked to argue you. I do what you suggested but if this don't work.

What do I do?

I am so angry cannot be dealing with this anymore. My ex still trying to control me threw my son.
All I know is my son has to deal with my stepmum too. She jealous of my dad helping us. Yes I gone way of subject.

So do I really need to have my ex and this . No I don't.
When it's just me and my son he okay at times. He talks about his dad and if a friend of mine suggests we meet he say I'm seeing my dad can't go. After that time with my son didh't want to go when family down visiting. I have hidden if this happens so my son goes to see his dad.
I'm not perfect no ones is. But this starting to really me off.
I am going to talk to my son uncle. Yes I am in contact. My ex don't even see his brother. His brother has fallen out with him. My ex said his family won't go behind my back. But they took me and my son for a meal. I told his brothers they can see him when he wants. My ex did not like that as they close to me. I am trying not to say his it's his gf. My ex brother keeps saying it's her he don't like. Now I trying to not say it's her. Even in text my ex said don't say it's her. I said I never mentioned her. It's you I am angry with. I just want this to not come across as me being sound mad ex jealous of my ex new relationship. Seriously not the case at all.
I just want my son and his dad to have good relationship.

My ex has asked me to do passports but need to do this jan. He even asked who keeps it. But he not asked again. Cost money too. But think again if my son don't want to again use as excuse not to pay for him going away.
I feel stuck here

Update

Hi

I am really annoyed with my ex not making contact with our son. Christmas I text are you not going to call him or message your disgusting. He did call and my ds spoke to his dad was happy. But I should not have to bug the ex he grown man.
Then I had another go at my ex. I should not have. But then he text a long message how my son told them I want him back.
So I had to take to my son. When I said we not getting back together he was like yes you are. Then mum you don't like dad. We both don't like each other. You have to like each other he said.
Sunday is coming he meant to have him once a month.
I really don't want to have to go through courts. Although my son has said he never said this or that. I mentioned to my ex he said decision up to him.
I know my son wants to see his dad. He talks a lot about his dad.
I am.getting edge thinking of saying something to my ex tonight. Not going to have a go at him.
I did tell my ex I'm happier without him as I am the only issue is why he not bothering with him. I do believe they need quality time with each not just a few hours a month on sunday.

Like all children, your son wants his parents back together. It is totally normal. You must just keep on gently but firmly confirming that you and dad will not be getting back together but that you both love him very much and that will never change. Your son needs to hear you validate his feelings. It is ok to tell him that you are sorry that things are the way they are and that you understand that it is hard for him to not be able to live with both his mum and his dad. It is equally important that he constantly gets the message reaffirmed to him that you and his dad won't be getting back together, that you both still love him, that it isn't his fault and that you still respect his father and the role he plays in your son's life. Do not allow your son to hear you call his father disgusting. Try hard not to criticise his dad. You cannot control what his father does or when he contacts your son. You CAN control how you interact with your son and with his father and you CAN control the level of emotional security you give your child. He needs you to be calm and consistent and loving. He doesn't need to bear witness to your anxiety and anger. Good luck.

Thanks for you advice.

I just don't get how some men carry on. I even asked him does he like he dad's gf and he said yes. I already knew.
But your dad with her now and loves her. We don't love each other. He said you love so so an ex.
He know we argued and he knows how it was between me and his dad.

I have said we both got to talk to our son sunday. I said this needs to be sorted once and for all.
My ex having it too easy and I'll have to get tough. I mean not argue just let my ex know I am no push over.
I take my son feelings into consideration infact I been way to nice.
I do have my family support and whatever my ex chooses to do I be okay.
I told my ex he goes to you misses me and comes home to me misses u. So he wants us both in same place. He knows this cannot happen.

I’m struggling with your posts too. It doesn’t sound like you are the parent, and the visiting his Dad is all over the place. Why was he seeing his Dad Saturday if he works anyway? And the strong emotional reactions would worry me.

If I were you I’d step way back, calm all this emotion by agreeing a regular schedule - that you all stick to - even if it’s every other Sunday (if his Dad works Saturday) and ask his Dad if he could take him to the cinema. Then provide a calm environment yourself with your son. Is he happy in general? Is he getting on ok at school?

Hi,

Yes he happy but he has his moments. School I think he has a few problems. Being 10 he growing up. Sometimes he hard work.

As his dad said don't tell him what to do. I am getting judged here so I won't bother. If his dad sees him sundays he does. If he don't then so be it.
I just be there for my son which I do anyway. Got out the situation with my ex 2015 best thing I ever did.

Now my ex is a grown man I let him discuss and I listen to my son when he needs me too. Take a step back.
Making me annoyed and I just want to move forward and it to be positive vibe. I leave my ex aswell if he don't call leave him. He not only man to have walked away I suppose from his child. I be there for my son. Hoping my life gets on track and I get to where we need to be me and my son.

My ex decided he not coming to see ds anymore. He not going to pay for him.

I am upset for my son but in way happy he blocked me. I'm done
I will go to the CM now.

He is nasty piece of work.

My son 11 will see his dad one and hope he destroys him.
How nasty he been to my son would not mind if it was me and him. As texts between us was nasty. But to talk to your own son like a piece a out of order.
Don't know who is worse the man or the woman sitting and thinking it's acceptable her man choosing to walk away. He done nothing for him anyway.
He was glad to get out of this town moved to other area. He got away from school runs, everything. Manipulated my son probably into saying he did not want to go up there. So glad and as nice as I was. Hope what he done to his son slaps him in face he gets what he deserves. Really hope he goes through hell and wonders what do I do to deserve this.
I'm not perfect mother either.
How low as a father he can get.