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Step-parenting

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Drugs are fine..it seems

33 replies

LaBoheme · 05/04/2007 19:14

Just wanted your thoughts really. SS (14) has told DH that M told him Ectacsy and Cannabis were fine (she dosen't mind if he tries) although Cocaine is not so good. I am totally horrified but DH is not so surprised or as upset as I am...I think he needs to adress this with her immediately but he disagrees. Am I overeacting to this?

OP posts:
LostMe · 05/04/2007 20:36

God no! I (fortunately) have never been in this position - but then my two are much younger. But I would be horrified too. Not only is it illegal, drugs can cause long term illness. Someone I knew a long time ago used various drugs and was diagnosed as schizophrenic - probably caused by his drug use.

Your child is only 14. Way too young. Your DH needs to stand up to this.

LaBoheme · 05/04/2007 20:47

thanks LM I was beginning to thing I was alone esp from the responses I have had on another thread. I am really upset by it as it seems to be encouraging SS to try things he would not otherwise. V V frustrating.

OP posts:
TerraCloud · 05/04/2007 21:48

No you are not over reacting to this... how could someone think that ecstasy is okay? It is a chemical that could cause some serious damage to your nervous system.

Furrymummy · 19/04/2007 18:06

Show him (and his mother!) this article. Then let them say taking ecstasy is okay.
Leah Betts
No, you are not overreacting!

FrannyandZooey · 19/04/2007 18:09

Leah Betts died from drinking too much water. She was scared following news reports of people collapsing from heatstroke and dehydration after dancing too much on Ecstasy.

madmarchhare · 19/04/2007 18:10

It was the water that kild her, not the drug.

OK, Im never going to say to my ds, 'hey, go and take drugs', but I do think that people over react at the mention of 'drugs'.

Alcohol is far worse

madmarchhare · 19/04/2007 18:12

killed

Hulababy · 19/04/2007 18:14

AFAIK there is no recognised safe level of (illegal) drugs to take, unlike alcohol for example. And drugs are illegal and you can end up with a criminal record or prison sentence. I have seen so many lives messed up, and the person in prison, because of drugs. Not worth it, not just for curiousity.

motherinferior · 19/04/2007 18:16

But quite fun, IRCC. Which is why young and indeed older people do them.

wurlywurly · 19/04/2007 18:19

Not over reacting at all. My SIL had the same attitude. My nephew first tried drugs when he was 14, he wil admit to trying anything even that he was a guinea pig for one of the local dealer when ever they cooked up something new. He's had sleeping problems, hasnt out on weight and went thru a bad stage of halluncinating. He wasnt my lovely nephew anymore.

He stole from his mum to feed his habit until january when she shopped him to the police. He is now clean and (unfortunaly) in prison (was sentance to 4 motnsh last week). I have never been anti drugs (always believed its a personal choice) until watching my nephew kick his habit. I do wish your SS could see where my nephew is now cos its a huge reality shock. As much as I blame him for being there (and he takes full responcibilty for what he has done himself) I do honestly believe if he had been given more guidance when he was younger he wouldnt be in prison now.

knobrot · 19/04/2007 18:21

Yes drugs are fun
But they can also f*ck up your life
ExDP heroin addict and its not fun to watch someone disappear in front of your eyes

zippitippitoes · 19/04/2007 18:21

I think sensible parenting is to say that drugs are not good and for all sorts of reasons a "bad thing"

vulnerable young people need advice against them not encouragement to take them

Hulababy · 19/04/2007 18:22

Fun for some maybe, but not long term! Have seen too many messed up lives, and worse, to know that.

IMO it is unacceptable to tell a child that drugs are fine.

FrannyandZooey · 19/04/2007 18:22

I think as adults if we send a blanket message that drugs are bad and you must not take them, we run the risk of our children switching off at that point. Especially if we enjoy a glass of wine ourselves in the evening. Yes I know alcohol is legal and other drugs are not, but teenagers are quick to pick up on perceived hypocrisy. If they have friends who have tried drugs and enjoyed them, or if they have already experimented themselves, then they are going to be needing a fuller picture than the simplistic "drugs are bad" message.

If we can enter into an honest dialogue about reasons for taking drugs, ways of keeping safe, peer pressure and relative safety of different drugs, then I think our teenagers will be more likely to listen to our advice, and to ask questions, or confide in us if they need support.

I personally would rather have a child who experiments with drugs, but has the information they need to do so in a more safe way, and can turn to me if they get out of their depth, than one who knows that Mum totally disapproves of all kinds of drug taking and she had better never find out about that dodgy cigarette he tried last week or she will kill him....

Of course what we hope is that knowing the facts and thinking it over, a child will decide not to get involved with drugs and will have the self-confidence to stand up to the peer pressure and say no thanks. I don't think a child whose only message from parents about drugs is that they are wrong, is as likely to have the skills to do that.

motherinferior · 19/04/2007 18:25

And realistically, most adults have tried the odd spliff - or indeed smoked one quite regularly - without turning into crazed psychopathic monsters. Plenty of people have done a line of coke here and there, and not ended up selling blow-jobs in Kings Cross.

zippitippitoes · 19/04/2007 18:26

any teenager who has friends who use drugs must have seen the bad as well as the fun...I think they need lots of discussion to deter them before they get involved

the more actual expereince you can refer to the better

I am shocked at the laissez faire attitude to drugs

and the defences people put up

knobrot · 19/04/2007 18:27

I would've said the same a few years ago when I smoked loads of weed, that I wasn't doing anyone any harm, had a job, paid my bills etc. but it did have a negative impact on my life that I can only see now that I'm not living that way anymore.

motherinferior · 19/04/2007 18:28

I don't agree. I've known masses of people who've used recreational drugs; I suppose out of that yes, I've known a couple of heroin addicts, certainly; and I've known lots of very very boring stoned people. But I haven't witnessed some sub-Trainspotting scenario, no.

wurlywurly · 19/04/2007 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

zippitippitoes · 19/04/2007 18:31

it does have negative impacts..probably a lotless so among the better off than it does for those who aren't as lucky and easily get disaffected by the culture and become idle and unemlpoyable and obsessed

knobrot · 19/04/2007 18:34

Really MI? Because the majority of people I have known who class thenselves as recreational users do imo actually have a drug addiction, ie smoke every night, smoke 1st thing on the weekends, spend more and more on weed, want stronger stuff.

I'm aware I sound like an ex-smoker btw!

FrannyandZooey · 19/04/2007 18:48

Wurlywurly you don't know anything about my life or my drugs experiences so please don't make assumptions about what I have or haven't seen.

Zippi I think discussion is vital, yes. You can't have discussion if the first thing you say is that "drugs are bad - don't take them".

zippitippitoes · 19/04/2007 18:51

no but on the other hand saying drugs are fine, take them if you want to isn't a good approach either

I can't understand how people have the view a child's body is a temple and should avoid processed food etc and then say drugs are fine

drugs are fine for lots of people who have comfortable lives and see it as weekend fun but lots of teenagers don't come from that lifestyle and get dragged into something a lot less fun

FrannyandZooey · 19/04/2007 18:53

That post has fucked me right off

am bloody angry about your assumptions that I sit trying to give good advice having had no experience of what I am talking about

watching someone having a bad comedown is a laugh compared to things I have seen

My advice to LaBoheme is my considered opinion of the most likely way to help teenagers make sensible and informed decisions about drugs.

FrannyandZooey · 19/04/2007 18:53

Sorry zippi I meant wurlywurly's post not yours

am going to go and do something that makes me feel less cross

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