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Step-parenting

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Original poster

How to deal with this toileting and DSC situation

47 replies

Littlepiggybrown · 14/09/2017 20:06

My oh has two boys. It was quite an eye opener living with little boys when we moved in, after it being me and my own dd for many years.

My problem is their toilet habits. Dss1 refuses to wipe his bum when he has a poo. It's disgusting. He's with us half the week, so I have to see and smell his poo a lot. It's so bad that you can actually smell it on him. Some pants have been chucked away they are that badly soiled. I get so frustrated that he has no interest in making sure his bum is clean. I've asked him to clean his pants in the sink himself so he knows what I have to deal with (he's 7), but it doesn't change things. My oh spoke to his ex who said that he'll do it one day when he's ready.

DSs2 is 4. He Never concentrates when he goes for a wee. I went in the bathroom yesterday and he'd weed everywhere. On the floor and on the wall etc. He also never pulls his trousers down properly or checks his top is up and his clothes get drenched. I can't keep up with the washing. Plus I've found Boy wee has a stronger smell that makes me gag. I've told him it's not fair that I should be cleaning up after him as he's old enough, but it falls on deaf ears. My partner said it's what boys do.

Now having only had a daughter, it maybe, but I can't help think it isn't?

The above is guaranteed to make me and oh fall out as I get incredibly frustrated that he doesn't deal with it and tell them it's unacceptable, but then I don't know if I'm overreacting? How do I deal with this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Bringmewineandcake · 14/09/2017 20:10

Get DP to deal with their washing if he thinks it's "what boys do". I don't have boys myself but none of my friends who do would allow that sort of behaviour!

Buggeritimgettingup · 14/09/2017 20:12

Not what boys do. I have 3 of each and they all are clean it clean up apart from 4 year old who has sen and physical disability so I have to help him like a toddler. Are there any special needs or are the capable but lazy?

Babyblues14 · 14/09/2017 20:13

Leave the washing for you partner. He will soon want it sorting when he has to deal with the mess himself

dementedpixie · 14/09/2017 20:14

I helped ds (10) with his bum wiping until he was nearly 8. He would have a go and then I'd check and give another wipe if required. He just wasnt very good at it until he was a bit older. Dd (13) was better at it at a younger age

Ditsy1980 · 14/09/2017 20:14

Maybe at 4 a bit of leeway could be given but by 7 dss should definitely be able to wipe himself properly.
Your OH needs to address this with his boys.

hungrytillater · 14/09/2017 20:15

I have 2 boys of a similar age, they are very clean. I don't allow them to wee standing up as it's too messy. I don't think what you're dealing with is normal or acceptable.

halesie · 14/09/2017 20:19

Boy wee smells more? Really?

user1499786242 · 14/09/2017 20:34

Could you try some of those toilet tissue wipes? So he can clean himself easily?
I have a little boy who has just potty trained last week so can't say I have any experience but I definitely don't want to still be wiping him at age 7!
I find it quite strange that their mother isn't concerned? Or embarrassed? If someone else had to clean my sons piss and shit I would be mortified!

Ttbb · 14/09/2017 20:43

This isn't just what boys do- I have a three year old, he is very careful to make sure that his wee goes in the toilet and at least tries (often successfully) to wipe his bottom. This is just bad parenting. Make you SO clean up after them every single time and see how quickly his attitude changes.

lunar1 · 14/09/2017 21:14

It's not what boys do, it's what children with lazy parents do, boys and girls alike-assuming you would have mentioned if there was any type of disability.

Boys wee doesn't smell stronger, however if the children have useless parents they may not be drinking enough.

While it's lovely of you to help, any you sound like the only hope they have, I'd make your dp deal with it all.

MeridianB · 14/09/2017 21:15

I agree it's not 'what boys do'. That is such a cop out. Apart from the hygiene issues, is your OH happy for his 8-year-old to be teased or ostracised at school for smelling so awfu?

lThere's no way I'd be clearing up after them. do you have more than one loo?

Original poster

Littlepiggybrown · 14/09/2017 21:36

That's good to hear as my partner is making me feel bad for making it an 'issue'. His eldest was in my car and he smelt really bad, which I feel awful saying. I had a little
Chat with him and said that at school people can be mean and it's really important to wipe your bottom. But he just doesn't listen.

My youngest dss is just a day dreamer. He is an incredibly messy eater and when he goes to the toilet he just doesn't concentrate. I find myself biting my lip not to flip when I go in for a wee myself and forget to check the toilet and sit down. Or when I stand on it on the floor. My dd has also sat in it.

We actually have three toilets. I suggested that the 'boys' use one and me and my dd use the other, but my OH said it's favouritism??

I think the reason it smells so strong as both boys don't have wees very frequently so I wonder if that's why?

I would let my oh wash them but he would just throw them in the machine with all the poo in it. And without sounding pathetic I don't want clumps of it going through it as I'll be forever running a bleach cycle after!

OP posts:

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 14/09/2017 21:46

Christ your DP just 'spoke to the Ex' and lets him wander around like that? That's terrible. How do you go out? What does he do in school? He's going to be called names, poor boy.

DP is not doing his parenting job at all here. He needs to get a grip.

I wouldn't let this happen either, I'd be taking the boy back to the toilet each time and showing him how to wipe. Getting those wet wipes for him. Being kind but firm, as soon as he you notice or he goes. And every time he does do it, reward him. I wouldn't wait for my DP, it's as bad as letting a kid go without food it's really basic stuff.

Identity1 · 14/09/2017 21:48

Agree with all PP all boys do not do this. My DS1 is 3.5 and recently toilet trained he does not make a mess now. Yes i help him clean his bum but he is still learning. He has a step to reach the toilet could you invest in one of these and insist 4yro uses it and sits on the toilet until he no longer makes a mess. Older SS sounds like he is just lazy, but your OH and his mother should also be telling him to clean himself, and showing and checking him if needs be, this should not be down to you. No way should you have to put up with the stench of poo in the house, I cannot believe your OH thinks it is ok and normal can he not smell it ?
As for all their dirty laundry i would put it into a separate laundry basket and give it to your OH to sort.

Original poster

Littlepiggybrown · 14/09/2017 23:02

Yes I bought him the wipes but he won't use them as he's "not a baby" I'm told.

Every time I bring it up with my OH he says there are worser things his children can do. I totally get that, but it's not him who's clearing it up. He said he'd check the toilet when he thinks about it - so I took a back seat and he didn't do it. He just doesn't see it as an issue. His eldest, is getting better, I'll give him that but when he gets undressed, I have have to try and not heave. Im surprised his not sore!

OP posts:

Mummyamy123 · 14/09/2017 23:06

Leave their clothes for DH to wash.......then after he's washed their dirty underwear kindly put on a wash of his clothes before you bleach cycle the machine 😳
Maybe that will do the trick????

halesie · 15/09/2017 00:27

About the wee - yes makes sense that they may not have had enough to drink as PPs have said.

My 6yo understands that if his wee is dark he hasn't had enough water and he'll go off and drink some, perhaps you and OH could persuade them to drink more. They should go to the loo a bit more regularly then too.

lunar1 · 15/09/2017 00:39

I honestly don't get this, how does it make you feel about your partner? How can you make a like with someone who can't even ensure the most basic needs are met?

What you are doing trying to help is admirable but is this really what you want for you and your daughter?

ViserionTheDragon · 15/09/2017 01:00

Put all their soiled clothes in a black bin bag and leave for DH to wash by hand. Get a key and lock for one of your preferred bathrooms and put a 'ladies' toilet sign on it. Have the boys been bullied at school becuase of the smell? Have their teachers said anything at all? Surely other people must have noticed that their hygiene isn't up to scratch!

DressedCrab · 15/09/2017 07:00

Your DH isn't going to deal with it because he's a lazy prick. Throw out any soiled underwear and reserve a toilet for you and DD. If he doesn't like it that's tough, he needs to parents his children.

mammmamia · 15/09/2017 08:21

This is almost like child neglect. Why hasn't their mum done anything about it either?

Crumbs1 · 15/09/2017 08:34

It's lazy parenting and quite unkind to allow children to smell.
For the aiming problem with the little one try a coloured table tennis ball in the loo - they have to aim and spin it. Make sure he's in easy pull down trousers.
The older one needs to be told he smells. That he needs to use the wet wipes until he can manage properly and to supervised cleaning himself up by his father or you. If he moans about not being a baby explain its babyish to not wipe himself properly.
Really surprised if other children arent saying something.

swingofthings · 15/09/2017 09:22

On one hand boys who are a bit behind with toilet skills. It happens. A father who is not bothered buy it. A SM who makes a much bigger deal of it then necessary.

If that is having such an affect on you then maybe you might consider that step parenting is not for you because it could get a lot worse when they go through the ' I can't be bothered to shower whilst the hormones kick in.

But yes it passes and speaking with other parents I realise it didn't affect my DS only but also boys who used to be obsessed about cleanliness. Thankfully although unpleasant (And yes led to some moaning on my part) it didn't define him.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 15/09/2017 09:29

Both these boys parents are disgusting individuals. At their ages there is NO reason why they should be covered in shit or wee, or for it to be ok for them to not be able to wee without it going everywhere. It is simply terrible parenting and I'm actually quite shocked neither of their parents are bothering themselves about it.

Also, it's NOT going to improve with age. I think we've all read enough threads about some dh's and their horrendous toilet habits, and now we know how they become like that.

I have two boys btw.

Winteriscomingneedmorewood · 15/09/2017 09:43

I have 8 x ds and no way would I allow this!! They get frog marched back to the bathroom if it's not left appropriately!!
Personal hygiene is very important - is your dh such a disgrace? If he wants his ds to end up bullied and without a job then tell him to accept this - or parent his dc!! Ffs felt sick reading your post tbh!!

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