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Step-parenting

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Original poster

His ex is seriously brainwashing DSD against our newborn

39 replies

PeppersTheCat · 07/09/2017 10:20

Ever since I got pregnant, my partner's ex seems to have launched a campaign to alienate DSD (age 7) from us. She got the child arrangements order changed from 50/50 to every other weekend. The courts did this on the grounds that the two parents cannot get along. She also changed the school to a school on her doorstep but far away from where we live.

My baby is 3 weeks old, and today DSD told us that her mother said her father requested the change in child contact and school change because of the new baby!! (Totally UNTRUE; My DP fought for months to keep his daughter!)

We are upset, scared and fuming. Tried phoning social services but they didn't care. We've gone from having 50-70% contact to every other weekend, and now this!

Do we have any course of action available to us?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 08/09/2017 13:33

No one is defending your partner's ex lying to the DC about the reasons for the change in contact.

The court did not order the change in arrangements "because the parents don't get on".

How is deep denial working out for you?

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 08/09/2017 16:12

What would you have preferred she tell the daughter then? The truth? "DD I went to court to reduce access because your father is an abusive violent arsehole and social services are already involved and the preferred option would be for him to never see you again,"? Would that be preferable to telling her her dad reduced the contact because of the baby?

Although if memory serves me correctly you objected to him having her mid week anyway while you were pregnant because you felt he should be spending his time with you so it's not altogether lies is it?

stitchglitched · 08/09/2017 16:55

This is the guy who was harrassing his ex during your relationship, telling her she'd come back to him eventually. He also wanted you to wear her clothes? You objected to having his daughter 'off schedule' and your older children don't live with you because you can't cope with them. And when they visit your partner treats them badly. You have far more to be concerned about here than what his ex may or may not have said to her daughter. To call her abusive given what you are subjecting your own children to by staying with this man is a bit rich.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 08/09/2017 17:32

Sounds like the OP and her charmer of a husband deserve each other.

SandyY2K · 09/09/2017 01:01

I've read the previous thread. All I can say is goodness gracious. Why bring a child into such an environment.

swingofthings · 09/09/2017 07:29

How do you know what she said? You say you have little to no contact and surely you know that at 7 children are good at distorting what they see or hear.

Your gent sounds as dysfunctional as it gets and you are better off focusing on what you can do to make it less so as there seem to be many aspects in your relationship and your behaviour that you could improve and forget about trying to influence a change from someone who you are in total conflict with. Calling SS on this basis will only impact negatively on you not her.

swingofthings · 09/09/2017 07:30

Gent? Family!

eyebrowsonfleek · 09/09/2017 13:39

I think that "Dad is unable to have you round" is kinder than "Dad is not allowed to have you ". The second statement is going to make the child feel guilty and possibly keep future abusive situations quiet so that contact isn't reduced further. The first absolves dsd from feeling any guilt.

Out of interest do you think that the mum should have said Dad can't have you because he's been legally proven to be abusive?

Children ask when routines change and I can totally understand why mum would pick a gentler version of the truth. Coming up with a completely new lie is going to anger dsd in future and put mum in the firing line.

eyebrowsonfleek · 09/09/2017 13:47

He is bloody lucky to have any contact. If I knew his ex I'd be giving it a wobble tbh.

Original poster
PeppersTheCat · 09/09/2017 20:18

DD I went to court to reduce access because your father is an abusive violent arsehole

He is not abusive towards his kids. If he was abusive to her in the past, that has nothing to do with his current care of DSD.

And I've seen the court order. There is NOTHING about abuse

OP posts:
justtiredofcoping · 09/09/2017 20:55

If he was abusive to his Ex in the past - this has everything to do with how his EX behaves.

There is a small step from partner abuse to child abuse.

I have lied so much to my DCs about their father and his lack of contact when he left and when their new sib was born. He has now left the OW and at 11 my eldest has realised how much I " shielded" them from. The difference in Dad and contact is amaing.
Mothers do all sorts to protect their DCS

stitchglitched · 09/09/2017 21:03

OP do you really think he is a good man, and a good parent? Do you not think his daughter is better off away from a household and an environment that you, as an adult, have struggled to cope with? You have started so many threads about this man and this toxic situation, yet seem to think his ex is in the wrong for wanting to keep her daughter away from it.

PerfectPenquins · 09/09/2017 21:14

Please do call SS back they need to protect your baby because your not. You should have walked away stop deflecting the issues onto your step daughter. How dare you try to get your step daughter more contact with you and her dad you are actively trying to give her to an abusive twat. That's evil absolutely evil.

Sort yourself out and focous on being a mum to the kids you can't handle and this poor vulnerable newborn who hasnt asked for any of this.

Starlight2345 · 09/09/2017 21:43

I have read your other post..

Who do I feel sorry for is all of the children in this situation..

You already know he is abusive and yet your reason for staying was for your newborn..With little thought of your other children..

No where are the children been prioritized except possibly by abusive dads mum, Protecting them from the truth .

You need to get out ..Get the support you need to raise your children and leave him to deal with DSD...

Except I don't think that will happen

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