Family holiday

[purplepigs]

Good evening
I wanted to ask everyone's opinion on this.
Me and my partner own a house together and have a joint account and then we have our own personal accounts

Each month we put half of the amount to run the house into the joint account and we leave the remainder of our wages in our own accounts.

We pay equally for everything including food shopping.
I have a son from a previous relationship - no contact is had with biological parent and I receive no child maintenance - long story.

However we are booking another family holiday and I am just wondering whether you all think the holiday should be split 50/50 or whether I should pay for myself and my son and so I pay for two thirds of the holiday???

What do you think???

You say this is "another" family holiday - is there a back story about paying for a previous holiday?

There is no 'should', it's what you feel happy with. I had the opposite, my then-dp had a ds, I had none, we paid 50/50 for everything and the ds mainly lived with us, he came on holidays with us etc.

We went to Devon two years ago and we paid half each for the cottage. This year we went abroad and I paid for myself and my child and my partner paid for there ticket.

Problem is now that we have other stuff to pay for the year ahead coming up and I don't know if I can pay for myself and my child this time around.
My child is the age next year where they will be classed as an adult ticket so makes things that bit more expensive

The Devon holiday was different we somehow paid half and half.

My DM remarried when I was 13 and I lived with DM and DStepF.

They split all household costs equally but my DM always paid for everything for me herself, clothes, holidays etc.

My DF didn't contribute as he had also remarried but had more DC. DM was fine with this).

Bottom line is that your DS is your responsibility. If you can't afford flights then that's that. There are loads of lovely places in the UK.

Can you ask your DP if you can go half and half as you will struggle to afford it otherwise

I am all for half and half in these situations esp given you have no financial support from your ex but there will be quite a few posters who would disagree I expect

If you have a nice conversation about it and say he can think about it if necessary I can't see there's much to object to in that

He will benefit from a nice holiday as well

I think your DP decided to have a relationship with someone that has a child then he also takes on the child too.
I find it strange that some of the responses contradict this because if you were the SM saying you were paying just for yourself and your DP paying for himself and his child knowing he could barely afford it then you would be dragged over hot coals!
I think if your DP wants to holiday with both of you, lives with you, takes on a parental role of your child and has the cash to split the holiday then he should 100% go 50/50 with you. TBH if he doesn't at least suggest it I would personally be disappointed in him.

For me it depends on how long you've been together and what you both earn... if you earn a ton more then you should pay more and if he earns a ton more then I think half and half would be fine... if you are in it for the long term you should both have the same standard of living with your son as well.

Depends on whether you are equal earners, if he earns less than you, yes you should pay more. But if he earns more than you, I'd probably stick with 50/50.

Hi OP,

I think if money's likely to be tight for this holiday you should suggest something like Devon again to your DP, where you split the cost of a house together. If he questions why you don't want to go abroad, explain your situation regarding the money, and he may even offer to go 50/50 with you.

It's a tricky situation. My partner has children and whenever I pay for anything for all of us it's always my choice, my partner never asks or expects it. I don't think I'd be too happy it if he was looking at holidays more expensive than he could afford, on the hope that I'd pay more than my share. I'd expect him to suggest something he could afford, and then if I offered to pay more it would be up to me.

Btw this is all based on the assumption that your earn similar amounts and your partner's wages aren't high enough to easily pay more than his share. In my case, we earn similarly...I have more disposable income, but I wouldn't find it easy to afford 50/50 for a holiday with the kids. I can just about pay for me!

Thank you for all your posts.

My partner earns more than me.

I totally understand that my son is my responsibility and believe me I went 9 years as a complete single parent. Did everything on my own and am proud to say I did.

I would not choose a more expensive holiday purely based on the fact that we would poss be splitting it 50/50. Not at all. Just a normal holiday at a normally price would be fine.

I was just wondering what everyone else thoughts would be.

On the flip side my partner does pay for the board of the animals when we are all away which is between £300 and £350.

I don't ask nor do I expect it.
I just wanted to know what everyone else does.
I suppose what I have recognised is that my partner has looked at holidays based on the fact that they only have to pay for one person where as I am looking it thinking I have to pay times two!
So looks like we will all have to have the cheaper holiday as we have to take in the consideration the times two element.

I have had the conversation today whereby I mentioned I need to be careful on ticket prices as I am now paying for two adults. I have put the idea out there.

Does your son call your partner 'dad'?

Sorry OP, I definitely didn't mean that you'd purposely pick a more expensive holiday thinking he'd pay more at all!

I just meant that if it were me I would expect my DP to suggest a holiday that he knew he would be able to afford. Or tbh I'd be happy if we had a conversation about it beforehand, because if I could easily afford to pay half (or more) then I'd be happy to do it if we'd agreed beforehand.

Could you discuss it with him? I know it's a bit awkward.

Sorry OP, crossed posts!

Good idea to float the idea, he may not have even considered it properly before.

It's still prime time to book for next year and there are loads of free child places available if you are looking to book a package so that could help solve the problem of paying for the actual holiday. Spending money could be resolved in several ways. - depending on age your DS could earn it or youjust split it the way you do household food anyway, go 50:50 or 20:10.

We're in a similar situation with a joint account, separate accounts and mortgage. DH earns quite a lot more than I do but after paying child maintenance and spousal support to his ex we're left with about the same so split things pretty much equally.

He has two DC and I don't have any but holidays and days out etc are split or we take turns. Our last holiday, in the U.K., was paid for by us each putting extra above house expenditure into the joint account.

In the past due to how much he has to pay his ex I've paid for the whole thing. But we don't have lots of money so we haven't had an expensive holiday abroad. If we did we'd probably split it equally and we'd plan to do the same as this last time and each put extra in the joint account to save up.

Yes of course they're his DC but we all enjoy weekends away, days out, holidays and I want them to have these experiences so I don't want to miss out because DH couldn't afford them on his own when we could together.

Sorry to waffle on. In short, I pay at least half and have sometimes paid well over half when it's meant we could do nice things with the DC. For me it's part of the deal. He never expects it but I love my DSC and our life together. We all share our home when they're with us and I'm happy to contribute everything I can to their life.

I have two DC, OH has none. We earn the same amount, but I have many outgoings that he doesn't have.

From our first holiday together (6 months after we met), OH said he would pay 1/2 and it has always remained this way.

I don't think there is any right or wrong, but I saw it as a signed of commitment to my family and generosity with his money that he thought this was the right way to go about it.

Well the conversation has started and I have suggested that I need to be careful with the price of the holiday.

It was mentioned last night that they would like more than 1 holiday a year so I am even more determined to have this conversation now.

I save money every month and place in away in my savings account but when I have a holiday to pay for monthly I can't seem to save anything. Most people save for a holiday also. Am I just being too picky??

Is anyone else in the same problem?

I know there are many families and people who can't even afford to go on holiday and hat who would think my moaning and questions are stupid.

Hi OP,

During the months that I am paying for a holiday my savings take a hit too. I think that's pretty normal for people who don't have lots of disposable income.

I'd definitely have another conversation with your DP about the multiple holidays a year too as it sounds like he's not considering that you'll have to pay for 2 people while he's only paying for one.

my partner earns less than me but always tries to pay half for holidays including costs for my DC as he feels its appropriate as we are part of the same family. If it is something I have suggested and that is outside our normal holidays (eg skiiing which we did together once) I pay for me and my DC and usually offer to contribute towards his costs too (which he doesn't generally accept)

I think sit down with him and explain the situation and set out your concerns about the multiple hols a year thing now your kids are getting older/costing more.

Yeh I am going to have a conversation about multiple holidays a year.

We have two dogs which my partner pays for - very bills, insurance and dog kennels and doggy day care when they need to go.

So there are some things that I don't pay for.

I do try and really try to pay for everything half and there hasn't been many times that I have said no I really can't afford that but at the same time I would like to be able to save a little more.

When we go away with my DSD me and my OH pay half; in part because we wouldn't be able to go away with her if he had to pay for both of them but also because I chose to be with someone with a child and I get the benefit of having a great child in my life so it never occurred to me to mind.

Thank you for adding to my post.
I think I am now getting to that point where I won't be able to go on holiday as I can't afford the two adults tickets for both my son and I. My partner has said they can't cope with only one holiday a year so that doesn't leave us in the same boat does it.

It seems as though my partner what's to add money to the joint account for mortgage, utilities bills etc but that's it every else fro which I would buy my son comes out of my account.

He had dentist today and had braces fitted and as I reward I brought him a game which he was very thankful for but when I got home I mentioned it and it was said that I don't have to justify how I spend my money on him but there was no offer of paying towards the shopping and game I had just brought - it beginning to get on my nerves. If I am totally honest.

I don't see why your partner should offer to pay towards a game you bought your son?

@OutToGetYou
Okay, maybe not then.
I am beginning to think I think more of what I should be getting out of this whole relationship.

My point was they have never brought him a thing.
Even Christmas time I buy all the presents for him which is from us.

So I spend double than them at Christmas.
Everything is double for me.

There are other people in my situation who don't live like this.