Hi all
I'm brand new to this, I've only just registered, so please be gentle with me!
My partner & I have been together for nearly 3 years, despite having known each other since we were 15 (we're now 42!), and we're very happy. We live together in London around 60% of the time - he has flat and a job in the city we both grew up in - but he will be moving in with me full time in around a month, and his job will move with him. He had a son when he was young (he was 19 when he & his ex found out they were pregnant) and his son is now nearly 22. His son splits his time living at his dad's flat and at his mum's. I get on really well with his son, and I know that he is fond of me too. His son is an unusual character - definitely (but mildly) somewhere on the spectrum, he is more like an old man than a 21 yr old for many things, and yet he's very infantile in some ways.
I have always been very clear that the son can come and stay with us whenever he likes (I have a spare bedroom), earlier in the year I had a really good conversation with him about how he was feeling about his dad moving away, I made sure I reassured him that he was always welcome to come and stay. However, in the last couple of days, he has decided to take a job in London.
Yesterday, my partner asked me for floor plans of my flat and when I asked him what he needed them for, he told me that he's going to buy a couch for the spare room so that his son has a chillout area. As in - his son is coming to live with us.
I feel resentful that this has been taken as a given. I raised this earlier with him on the phone and it was an awkward conversation - but the last thing I want is for him to feel as though it has anything to do with his son, it doesn't! It is already a big step for my partner to be moving in, albeit one that I am completely ready for - I just never envisaged getting a 2 for 1 deal. My flat is small, it has been wonderful having the spare room for friends to stay & as a general storage area and I'm worried that I'm going to feel suffocated. I really don't mean to come across as heartless - I have 5 godchildren and a niece and nephew that I adore, but the idea of any of them actually living with me full-time would be a nightmare. Any of them could come and stay for as long as they wanted whilst they looked for a flat share, no problem at all! But I am so used to having my own space, playing music whenever I like, eating whatever whenever I want, walking around naked etc etc. My partner regularly complains that his son is messy & disorganised whereas I am almost too much the other way. It just feels as though I have gone from being really happy that my other half is moving in with me, to an awful feeling of dread in my stomach that I can't shift that his son will also be living with us. Any advice on how I can cope with this better, other than gin?! My partner says that his son will be on a very low salary for the 1st year whilst he does his training - so do I suggest a compromise of "it's no problem for the 1st year but then he has to find a flatshare"? This is all obviously no big deal for my partner - after all, he has lived with his son his whole life. But I'm not sure he appreciates how massive this feels to me.
Thank you in advance x