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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Re: I can't stand my step children

39 replies

Bailey1986 · 11/08/2017 16:13

I am 31 years old and my partner is 10 years older than me with 2 children age 10 and 13. He sees them every Saturday and insists I am constantly around. The children are spoilt and they do not know what 'normal life is' as they are always having money spent on them. I am confused as to whether it's them I don't like or their father. I have been with him for 2 years. He is controlling and abusive. He has pushed me in front of the children on two occasions and has then blamed me for it and insisted that I do not start arguments in front of them. When it is actually him. I can't stand to be around them on a Saturday but I feel I have to in fear of the consequences if I don't. I'm miserable and I dread to weekends because we have the kids!! Help! Any advice would be welcome thank you

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 11/08/2017 16:17

So you know he's controlling and abusive. You don't like being near his kids. Why exactly are you with him?

Justoneme · 11/08/2017 16:21

MmMMm and why are you still with him?!

ChinUpChestOut · 11/08/2017 16:21

For goodness sake - your DP is physically abusive and controlling, and you don't have a good relationship with his DC. There is no need for you to stay. Seriously.

Leave now, before the abuse escalates to punches and slaps and belittling you in front of the DC. End this unhealthy relationship, and get on with the rest of your life. You will feel so much better.

Onemoresliceofcakewonthurt · 11/08/2017 16:22

I feel for you lovely, that cannot be a nice situation to be in at all Flowers

Caring for someone else's children is hard enough as it is without him making it worse. If he is abusive I would say leave; you don't like his children or him, pack your bags and go, there's nothing holding you there.

LuluJakey1 · 11/08/2017 16:25

LTB

Oswin · 11/08/2017 16:27

He is abusive, please start making plans to leave. It's not the kids it's him.

TheMythOfFingerprints · 11/08/2017 16:32

Not only do I think you should leave asap, I think you should let the children's mother know how he is in front of them.

Farmerswife4life1984 · 11/08/2017 16:32

Leave him . Nothing is keeping you there

LoyaltyAndLobster · 11/08/2017 16:36

Why does he insist that you are constantly around?

OP you need to start making plans to leave him.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 11/08/2017 16:38

Its him , not them , poor kids

Migraleve · 11/08/2017 16:42

He is controlling and abusive

Any advice would be welcome thank you

End the relationship perhaps?

QuiteLikely5 · 11/08/2017 16:42

Total, absolutely dysfunctional relationship.

I feel sorry for the children who are growing up in this toxic atmosphere.

You are an adult and you have a choice who and what you are exposed to - those poor kids don't

Seperate

Bananalanacake · 11/08/2017 16:43

I was with you until you said he is abusive, what's the point of even staying with him. Do you rent or is it his house.

Mrscropley · 11/08/2017 16:48

Ltb. .

paulapantsdown · 11/08/2017 16:48

So why are you with him? Just leave.

Original poster
Bailey1986 · 11/08/2017 17:47

perhaps not everyone has experienced an Andy I've relationship those that have will know that leaving is not that simple. I know I need to leave I have known that for a while. What I need to do is learn how to survive before I do. I can't leave until it is safe and until I have a safety plan. I am scared about the aftermath.......

OP posts:
Original poster
Bailey1986 · 11/08/2017 17:49

So that was my auto correct I meant to type abusive relationship

OP posts:
LoyaltyAndLobster · 11/08/2017 17:54

The longer you leave it the harder it is going to be to leave.

Do you work OP?

IrritatedUser1960 · 11/08/2017 17:59

You can't leave unless it is safe???? What on earth are you talking about, it will never be safe all the time you are with him. Living on the streets would be safer.
Get some money together, find somewhere to leave, go simple. next time he so much as looks at you funny call the police, it will scare the shit out of him. Mean business. he is a vile bully.
I've been in a physically violent relationship, you will never be even remotely safe all the time you are living with him. Living in a bedsit or HMO would be a better start than staying there.
Have a think about leaving now and going to a womens refuge.

lookatyourwatchnow · 11/08/2017 18:05

What needs to happen to enable you to leave?

SciFiG33k · 11/08/2017 22:52

I think the MN saying is you need to get your ducks in a row asap and leave. Have you got family and friends in real life you can talk to and help you get out. Good luck

Original poster
Bailey1986 · 12/08/2017 06:29

What is stopping me? That is a good question and I often frustrate myself with seeing what the answer is. Over the years he has caused my low self esteem, insecurity, vulnerability and financial dependency and I feel to weak to leave because of all of that. I know that makes me sound crazy and you would be further scratching your heads if you knew what I did for a living!

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 12/08/2017 06:33

But if you stay and have kids what then. It's so much harder to leave. A lot of women on these boards myself included have been in abusive relationships. Read the boards in relationships. Prepare. Talk here.

Original poster
Bailey1986 · 12/08/2017 07:07

He cannot have anymore kids. He had taken illegal steroids for body building for far to many years after his children were born. That is a blessing in disguise. What things can I expect once I have left the relationship? I'm scared of how I will feel? Also, is it worth me telling the police that I am about to leave an abusive relationship just in case?

OP posts:
HotelEuphoria · 12/08/2017 07:14

Start at the beginning. Do you have a job, money? Do you have family or friends that you can stay with temporarily.

If yes to both, just pack your case and go. Today.