Re: I can't stand my step children

[Bailey1986]

I am 31 years old and my partner is 10 years older than me with 2 children age 10 and 13. He sees them every Saturday and insists I am constantly around. The children are spoilt and they do not know what 'normal life is' as they are always having money spent on them. I am confused as to whether it's them I don't like or their father. I have been with him for 2 years. He is controlling and abusive. He has pushed me in front of the children on two occasions and has then blamed me for it and insisted that I do not start arguments in front of them. When it is actually him. I can't stand to be around them on a Saturday but I feel I have to in fear of the consequences if I don't. I'm miserable and I dread to weekends because we have the kids!! Help! Any advice would be welcome thank you

Leave him. Leave him now.

It's not the kids you hate. It's him. As you said, you know you have to leave, it may be difficult for you in many ways and for many reasons but your life will be so much better when you do.

If you have to family to go to I would at least certainly tell someone you plan on leaving an abusing relationship, friend, work colleague

If you have no family to go to **

Have you been in contact with Women's Aid? Their phone lines are often very busy but do persevere. They will help you make a plan to leave safely.

Ring woman's aid. Dont believe the infertility story. Cover your tracks online.

Are you living together?

We live together yes. It's my house I own it so it will be him that needs to leave. Which makes things more difficult because I can just pack a bag. He was Prince Charming before he moved in then the cracks appeared and by then it was too late.

Please phone the National Domestic Violence helpline. They can help you leave safely.

For everyone else, the most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves the relationship. This is when she is most likely to experience severe physical violence or death. Telling women to just leave as though it's similar to popping out to the shops is incredibly unkind and, quite frankly, dangerous advice. That is not supportive behaviour. It's victim blaming. If you want to help women, support their decisions and ensure that they have appropriate specialist support.

Who is your real life network?

Well said Sisterhood.

It took me over a year from deciding to leave to actually doing it. I was very afraid of what he would do when he realised it was really over.

Thank you sisterhood that was totally spot on! I have family and friends who say I need to just leave but it's so easy to say - it's something else actually doing it. Although my situation is primarily emotional abuse more than physical I know what he is capable of and I not only fear for myself but I fear for my loved ones who he could equally hurt to get to me

OP what is he capable of? you make him out to sound very dangerous.

If you work, and have no DC, why is it finances stopping you? I don't understand?

Good post sisterhood.

I can sympathise with the 'just leave' school of thought because it does present itself as a seemingly obvious solution...but it's not that easy. Abusive men do not just say, "ok then" and disappear into the horizon with their stereo in the back of the car.