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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Child maintenance and a new baby advice

91 replies

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 11:35

So dp pays for SC the amount set via child maintenance, he pays directly standing order each month. I know I gets about £10 a month reduced as I have DS under the same roof which he classes as supporting.
My question is is the rate different if it's a new child who is biology his.? Or just the £10 a month reduced.
If it is going to be considerably less and we feel this is unfair on what his ex will get for SC then we hope to do our own arrangements with her maybe meet halfway. Ie if the money is going from 200pcm to say 150 we'll see if she would like to meet at 175maybe... Altho she does like to do it by the book even if it cuts her nose to spite her face.

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spewylewis · 10/08/2017 15:24

Why would his ex send clean pjs or underwear for the child to stay with his dad? I don't send that stuff to my ex. He's his dad, thats his other home.

JuicyStrawberry · 10/08/2017 15:30

I'm another one who thinks that stepchildren shouldn't be taken in to account when calculating maintenance. Stepparents do provide for their stepchildren but their children need to come first.
If a woman (an rp in this case) was to get in to a relationship with a man and she was expected to pay less towards her children in favour of her stepchildren then that would be wrong too.

Underthemoonlight · 10/08/2017 15:32

He clearly informed them of your step son living with you which he didn't need to do that information was irrelevant just as you having a dc is irrelevant unless you wish to disclose that inform to cm to have payments reduced. It took me along time before I agreed on a private agreement because he didn't pay before when we first broke up and I went to the csa so I can understand the dm wanting some protection in regards to the payments. Your being massively unreasonable about the pjs. Your dh should provide clothing for their use when they stay at your house.

Underthemoonlight · 10/08/2017 15:33

Wasn't

spewylewis · 10/08/2017 15:33

Rats yes, I see your point. But that's a decision made between a couple who are together and know the full financial set up of the household.

We're talking here about people deciding to have more kids in second relationship and that having a direct impact on the finances of someone else's household.

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 15:33

OK so hopefully she will agree on a figure. I've always send my DS with stuff to his dad's, whether he wears it or not that varies.
Altho the only thing we asked for is underwear and put clean underwear and the previous days clothes on just before going home. T he ex doesn't even send that.
Now last time we sent SC back with clothes from here they got wet as didn't make toilet on way home. They were tied in a bag and given back a month later.. UNWASHED ... After her holiday so wasn't fortnightly.. So u can imagine the smell and were fit for the bin.. So we provided everything for here but surely it's not much to ask for some boxers and socks.. You're telling me that's normal.?
Now I'm very fussy in the fact of washing and or and the boys looking smart etc and I wouldn't dream of doing stiff like that which is plainly to be an awkward cow.

All this amazes me as I never have quibbles with my ex. He can take DS on holiday... Have him when he wants other than the set days around his work of he wants to, if he needs clothes I supply them etc. As I'm. His parent too.

PS dp doesn't get a reduction in anything because we have her as it's only once a fortnight at the moment overnight... Again doe to his ex which we have a court date to sort more access.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 15:40

I'm going to say again. Somehow child maintenance knew that DS was here. He only rang to change his address to mine and they knew, even DS dob etc.. Same as they knew dps income from day one. From hmrc

He has never said he wants to pay less.

We can more than afford another child or even 2 or 3 and still pay her the same.. I only wanted to know if they would lower it as it would be unfair and hope she would accept more... But I also see your point why she'd want to do it by the book.

And regarding pj's. That was an example as explained above she's unreasonable by sending what we sent child home in, whivh child had wet, which the jeans and boxers were tied in a bag for 4, weeks covered in piss and sent back... It's disgusting

I've been on side of things and never was like that. Even when my ex paid me less because he had two step kids.. That's life. And it is pennies..
I support SC by treats, clothes etc everytime I buy DS something.. Because we are a team.. Simple

OP posts:

spewylewis · 10/08/2017 15:43

child's mother doesn't even send the child with even so much as clean underwear for t he night or a set of pj's.

Thats what you originally said, so that's what I based my comment on.

BoredOnMatLeave · 10/08/2017 15:44

Can't you just keep the standing order as is even if CMS say you can pay less? If his exW doesn't want it I guess you can use it to pay for things for DSS or put it in a savings account for him. Either way the child shouldn't get less because his dad decided to have another baby.

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 15:47

Yeah that's my fault that was an example x

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Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 15:48

So yeah guess once we've notified of change of circumstances, if they lower we could say to her keep the same.. I know at first the figure was 209.66 and we rounded to 210 just coz easier. And she told us to do exactly what was said lol. So think it's just a wait and see game. X

OP posts:

Oswin · 10/08/2017 15:51

Why shouldn't your ex have his own clothes for your child? That is parenting. You say why wouldn't you you are the parent too. Well yeah so is your ex. I don't get this at all.
Why do you think mothers should take responsibility for everything.
Yes it is normal for nrp to provide everything at their home.

lunar1 · 10/08/2017 15:53

The calculated maintenance is the legal minimum. So your dh can increase the maintenance back to what it was before he got it reduced due to your child. And send her the back dated money while he's at it.

Why on earth would he think there is a maximum limit he could provide for his child?

SerfTerf · 10/08/2017 15:53

If he pays direct by SO, he's under no obligation to lower the amount, is he?

The reductions are done by percentage but you can all just carry on as you are.

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 16:00

He reduced for my child was from the start as before she rang cms he paid 500 nearly and she thought she'd get more but didn't..
And I've never said he doesn't want to buy the clothes for here as he does and he loves choosing them with him etc. I just don't appreciate the condition they are sent back in.

OK so hopefully she will agree to keep the amount thr same even if he's given a lower percentage.

I can't stress enough how he isn't one of these who shy away from responsibility he does everything for his child.. We both do. Same as for mine. Just like he buys stuff when his ex asks for it.. No quibbles like sch shoes. School trips. Beaver camps. Football clubs.
He could be one of those who say I pay maintenance and nothing else but he doesn't.. Drop of a hat he pays what she wants and we have no issues in that. So let's face it the child doesn't lose that less than ten pounds a month really as gains more than some separated families where the dad pays little as possible

OP posts:

SerfTerf · 10/08/2017 16:02

Why would she not agree?

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 16:02

Yeah I know we can carry on with the same figure but it's to whether the ex agrees.. Or wants it by the figure she's given... That's my point we wouldn't want the child to lose out of she's being a cow.. But he also has a legal obligation to inform of change of circumstances in which that will automatically re send her figures.. Catch 22. Like I say we rounded to the nearest pound and she told us to put it down to exact.

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SerfTerf · 10/08/2017 16:04

If she's "being a cow" by demanding a lower figure of CM?

lunar1 · 10/08/2017 16:04

I don't know why he would even bring it up with her? If he is happy to keep paying then there is no need to even talk about it.

Unless he wants to sound like he's doing her a favour?

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 16:04

Because he offered to continue the total of nr 500 for maintenance and childcare.. and she said no she wanted to do by the books. And ended up with less than half.. God. Knows why I really don't understand it.. Altho he does buy extras she asks him to get.

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Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 16:06

Not bringing it up with her. When he has to I form cms.. They set the figure he pays. Which when he notifies of change of circumstances they will write to her. We have said about seeing of she wants to stop cms and pay her a higher figure so the child doesn't suffer but being as she didn't before i can't see it now..

OP posts:

SerfTerf · 10/08/2017 16:06

He buys all extras, clubs, trips etc and is really generous in all things EXCEPT for providing his DC with underwear for when they're with him?

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 16:07

The cow bit was to the unwashed clothes.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mum2oneds · 10/08/2017 16:08

Ffs of course we provide it.. However we don't expect it to be full off piss and sent back in a bag unwashed a month later..

OP posts:

SerfTerf · 10/08/2017 16:09

You sound as though you are DESPERATE to find things to dislike her for and beyond DESPERATE to Big him up.

Otherwise this thread makes no sense whatsoever. Not a single word.

There's no issue. He can continue paying her atbthe existing rate. He controls the standing order.

A really decent man would increase it to something more akin to their original agreement and buy his kid boxers

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