Corrections to Child Maintenance

[Traveller123]

CM for one child was set at 150/week last year based on historical earnings as I was unemployed at the time. However, actual earning for Tax year ending 5 April 2017 are much less.

Based on actual earning CM should be 90/week. To recover the overpayment of 60/week I would be paying 30/week till end of next tax year when review is done again.

Whilst the above is mathematically correct, 30/week would not go very far and I would like to see either Son or his Mother struggling. Anyone else faced this situation? If so how did they resolve

I think if you're worried your ex isn't looking after your son adequately, Ie not taking him to clubs as 'she doesn't have the money' you need to be questioning this. It's so unfair to your son, he deserves a childhood! I know woman who say things like this and I have offered to pay and drive their children to clubs but there's always some excuse, they're just punishing their children. Same for her not letting your son go on holiday with you! She's being an idiot and it's detrimental to your son.
If I couldn't afford to do things with my daughter I wouldn't be sending money to another country and I would be charging rent on my house I owned outright and wouldn't be renting. Everything she's doing is to the detriment of your son!!
I think you need to fight fire with fire and tell her you will be cutting SM and CM if she doesn't take your child to clubs and continues to do all those other things. Clearly the money you're sending her doesn't actually go to your child. Obviously don't do that but hopefully then she'll see what she's doing is wrong, that money is for the betterment of her sons life and she's sending it away?!?

To NeverKnowing: The reasoning behind the capital settlement was to be able to buy a house outright to avoid rent. So the decision to pay £525 per month in rent doesn't make much sense. Sending £200 per month overseas makes even less sense and letting her family live in her house overseas, which letting agents think would fetch up to £700 per month in rent, for free make no sense. Effectively giving £1425 per month! Last year she spent more per hour on unregistered child minded than she earned!

Grandparents offered to take son to his hobbies, but that was blocked.

Some people are impossible to understand .

Neverknowing What so the RP who does 100% of the parenting, should get criticisms and ultimatums from the NRP who appears to have minimal contact with his child, over taking him to clubs and activities?! That's laughable, it's so ridiculous.

Going back to court to ensure the child's right to spend time with the NRP should be the priority here. But OP doesn't seem bothered by that.

Some people are impossible to understand

Well I agree with you there, OP. How you live with yourself when you choose to live abroad, leaving your son with his mother, who you consider to be negligent, I will never understand.

To Somerville: I have worked overseas since late 80s. Long before met wife and throughout the marriage. Had 2 interviews in 5 years for UK jobs. Employers seem prejudiced against expatriates. Recruitment agencies have advised that UK companies will likely think that someone who can earn more overseas won't stick around long and be off as soon as another overseas job is offered

I think you are looking at this from your perspective but your wife is a separate person with her own values.I personally think it's reasonable to give money to her relatives, she sounds like a caring person.

I take what you say about clubs but honestly it is your interpretation.Is your son happy? guess he must be 14? He may not want clubs so please just let your ex parent and stop criticising from the sidelines.

The reason you sound controlling and inflexible is because you are insisting she does it your way..she can parent how she likes.Do you feel you know what's right?

Most people inflate form Es..my stbxh has his expenditure listed for 1 month what I would spend in a year! It doesn't matter what was claimed, you agreed an amount, its in a consent order so move on.

If you really feel as if you would be a better parent then give up your job overseas.Am sure you would get a job with average salary in UK and you don't need to b3 jobless..Then parent at least 50% of the time.Its really not easy knowing your ex is watching you ready to criticise everything.

If your parents want to see your son then they need to do so through you or as your son is old enough directly with him.Its not your ex's job..its yours!

I doubt you will take this in, as your sense of "it must be this way" is too strong.

No doubt the reason you broke up was because you had different values/rules.Can you just accept she is different, not worse to you? This will reduce the conflict as you appear to have contempt for her (and so guess you don't hide it well).

£150 child maintenance for one child is a lot. Is your ex matching that? It doesn't take £300 a week to raise a child.

I get £150 a month in CM and I have two DDs. No other contributions are ever made. I worked out that it just about covers the school lunches.

This is a sad case. There is so much hostility here and must seriously impact on your relationship with your child. Do you regularly use Skype?

To Somerville: If child is being deprived from his clubs and hobbies and blocked from seeing his grandparents how is that good parenting?

I have worked outside UK since late 80s till now. So Ex wife knew befor we married that she would be left alone with children whilst I was overseas.

I keep in contact with child daily via whatsapp. Sadly Skype is another thing that child has been deprived of😩

Been advised that as I am habitually overseas a custody application would have little chance of success. Child's grandparents offered to have child at weekends if his mother was working or at any other time if she wanted night out or to visit her family in home country, but that was rejected too and she chose to spend more per hour than she wants on an unregistered child minder instead.

Judging by your comments sounds like you have had bad experience in the past? If so then you have been unlucky and I would never deny that some NRP make it their goal in life not to support their children.

Can your child not set up Skype on his phone for free? He sound old enough. What does he feel about things? Would he like to come to stay with you sometimes?

To Hermonie: child is 10 and last time I was in uk he told me that he still wants to do his swimming and judo lessons, but mother does not take him as petrol too expensive. That's not the reason as even before divorce she complained how boring it was to sit in viewing area. Considering lessons are 30 minutes it shouldn't have been that hard?

No problem with paying the CM and SM as they were figures put forward by myself based on historical earnings. However, current earnings are much lower than before. I am happy to pay more than assessment made by CMS if it is for the child's benefit, but if it is going overseas that is wrong. Likewise if I provide more than CMS assessment then I have a say in how it is used as it is a gift and not an entitlement.

Jobs in UK that are similar to my experience are either in central London or Aberdeen. Both location are not within commuting distance from where child lives so 50% with child not possible. More significantly i have applied for 100s of UK jobs and never been successful. I have been an expat for too long according to recruitment agency.

Before the divorce my parent used to have child often at weekends while his mother was working or she visited her home country. So why he objection now?

To Dukesofhazzard: ex does not match my contributions

To Fanciedachange17. £150 per month for 2 children is not a lot. Sure NRP has been assessed correctly or are they working part time on low wage?

Son does have Skype on his mobile, but only uses it if he is at someone else's house. Asked him why and was told that his mother does not want him to use it to speak to me. More blocking 😩

To Dukesofhazzard: ex does not match my contributions

Do you mean you pay for everything? You said you pay for school uniforms and activities as well as paying SM and CM. She should be paying half of everything for the child. This doesn't sound right to me, I think you're being fleeced.

She should be paying half of everything for the child

On what logical basis? Two together parents are highly unlikely to be earning exactly the same and making exactly the same financial contribution to the running of the household. In fact, if a mum were to write that her husband earns £100k to her £25k but was demenading she pay half of everything, there would be screams of leave the bastard.

By all means make contributions fair, but a 50/50 stance is rarely going to be fair.,

Janeismymiddlename

The OP is already paying his ex SM on top of CM. If she paid half of school costs,clothing, food and activities, I doubt it would even match what OP is paying out anyway. She doesn't pay for anything by the sounds of it which is a disgrace, she's fleecing her ex.

Dukes of Hazzard

The SM and CM together add to £1050 per month. I pay all school costs direct.

Rent, council tax and utilities cost ex £750 per month. So she has £300 left to cover food. Should enough for 2 people? So essentials are covered by myself.

So the Child benefit of £90 per month, Child Tax Credit of £280 per month, Working Tax Credits of £310 per month and earnings of £500 per month, a total of £1180 is available for whatever she chooses.

I thought it was a fair deal too.

Traveller123

It's more than fair, she's getting a good deal.

To Somerville: If child is being deprived from his clubs and hobbies and blocked from seeing his grandparents how is that good parenting

My point is that your son has two parents - one of them is wholly raising him and the other is whinging about how much money the other spends from hundreds of miles away. I know which one most people would consider to be doing good parenting, as you put it.

Judging by your comments sounds like you have had bad experience in the past? If so then you have been unlucky and I would never deny that some NRP make it their goal in life not to support their children

No, I'm happy to say my children don't have the experience of having a parent who chooses not to see them and is resentful of financial support, like your son.
However I do know what it is like to be a lone parent to children resident with me 100% of the time. This is only because their father sadly passed away. Not having him in their lives is awful, but no one chose it and they know they were prioritised above all else - up to and including jobs and careers. Mine suffers massively from the constraints of being a parent - that is called parenting.

The OP is already paying his ex SM on top of CM. If she paid half of school costs,clothing, food and activities, I doubt it would even match what OP is paying out anyway. She doesn't pay for anything by the sounds of it which is a disgrace, she's fleecing her ex

Your argument was that the ex in this case should be paying 50% of child related costs. I suggested there are circumstances where that was likely not a fair approach to take - I make no comment whatsoever as to what may be reasonable in this case.,

Hilariously, there are thousands of PWC out there paying for everything which is accepted and never considered to be 'fleecing' the ex. Indeed, the arguments 'she gets all the benefits' and 'she got the house' are always used to show that the non payment of maintenance is absolutely fine and reasonable. Indeed, PWC are considered greedy bitches whichever way you look at the issue, don't you think?

@Somerville yes. If she has that much money she should be spending it on her son. if she cannot afford clubs for her son but she can afford to send money abroad then she needs to rethink.
I think that makes her a bad parent in honesty, I too wonder why the op isn't going for residency / his parents to have residency. The poor child is probably being constantly told they have no money to do things. It's bullshit she's sending money away.

Janeismymiddlename

Non payment of maintenance is never ok and OP hasn't said he wants to stop paying, only reduce it, which imo is fine considering he pays all school costs and SM etc. My ex pays nothing but when he did(£30p/w and he didn't pay it for long) if DC needed anything I would ask him to pay half of whatever it was. She's paying for very little by the sounds of it.

Just pay the £90.

It isn't just money though is it. My ex contributes financially to our kids. He pays way over the cm. It means our kids are able to do things as if their parents lived in one house and jointly funded everything.

However he doesn't contribute time. I raise the kids 90% of the time. That is bloody hard work. I can't go out when I want, I can't work the hours I would like too. I'm like a housekeeper/taxi service. It is very hard as my life is on hold whilst his has moved on.

My ex pays for transportation to and from school which is 10 miles round trip. Two gallons of fuel per week maximum which is £12. Remember that she was given £15,000 to buy and run a car. She spent less than £7,000 on a car. So has £8,000 for running costs. Also pays for child's out of school clothes. Don't know what that is per week.

So overall she pays nowhere near the £150 per week plus school costs of £25 per week that I pay pay.

Can't afford petrol to take child to his clubs and hobbies, but can afford to send between £150 and £200 per month to her family in another country. Bad parenting in my view.

I am happy to pay more than CMS figure, but not if it's being sent overseas for someone else's benefit. As judge in court pointed out maintenance is to cover essential needs and not meant to be a pension for the RP

To NeverKnowing:

As I am always working overseas all my life I was advised by legal that a custody application would have little chance of success. Plus some places I have worked in are single status only and dangerous.

Child staying with grandparents was suggested if ex wife found she was struggling, but she rejected that idea on basis that grandparents would look after him for free (which they would) and I would be getting away without paying anything even though I was one that filed for divorce and caused the marriage to fail. So she obviously sees maintenance as a punishment as demonstrated by her application for £4,500 per month for life.

She also threatened to take child back to her home country and nobody in UK would see him again. Difficulty I faced was that child has dual citizenship and so has right to live in ex wife's home country.