Bedroom allocation 😒

[badgerread]

Situation is this:

Selling both houses. Buying one. 4 bedrooms. DS8 and DS12 with us full time bar every other weekend. DSS11 and DSS13 with us 50%. DSS's have their own room when with Mum. DS's sleep on the floor at their DF's.

How would you allocate bedrooms??

DSSs share the biggest bedroom.

Agree, dss's share.

DS8 and DS12 have own rooms, DSSs share.

If DSs share whilst there are empty bedrooms they may feel resentment. Is DSS13 old enough that privacy is a concern? Is their relationship good enough that they don't fight often? If they hate each other but DSs are best mates, use common sense.

Avoid arguments. Room 1 for you and DH. Rooms 2 and 3 have two boys sharing in both, and room 4 can be a games room with a TV and games consoles etc - everyone is treated the same and the games aren't messing up your sitting room! (Assuming they're gamers of course!)

DSS share of course, but is ther space to put a bedroom up in loft? Or a future extension?
Don't know if money an issue but it would be nice if everyone had their own rooms.

Oooo unicorn you are smart. That's a great idea 😮

What Unicorn said. Boys all share, and the fourth room is a "den", maybe with a sofa bed for sleepovers.

Unicorn hit the nail on the head

Thanks everyone! Unicorn - great idea but we're lucky enough to have a summer house/games room/den already.

I think DSS"s should share as they have the luxury of their own rooms at their DM's. Mine don't with their DF ☹

I agree that DSs get there own room and DSSs share. That way each child has a room of there own when with one of their parents

We would like to do an extension eventually which will give everyone their own rooms, but that's 2 years down the line...

Thanks Shylo. Exactly right!

Slightly depends on which boys have been used to having own rooms so far. If DSSs have been used to having own rooms and DSs have been sharing then I might consider asking both sets to share and having 4th bedroom as guest room/kids' zone. Otherwise, I'd ask DSSs to share but give them first choice of room and IKEA furniture solutions to ensure they both have under-bed desks etc (maybe with line of bookshelves down the middle to ensure a bit of privacy) and never ask them to move out for guests while in situ but ask DSs to move for guests instead.

I would also take personalities and fraternal relationships into consideration. Basically, DSSs sharing is obvious solution but I would be somewhat flexible depending on what I felt was best for this particular set of kids.

How many out of the 3 are doubles OP?

3 ilove

Both sets share, only fair. I'd not be happy to be buying a house with somebody who considered my children second rate as they had the audacity to have their own room at their other parents house.

It's tricky because the older they get, the more they want/need their own space. That 13 year old might get pretty fed up as the time goes by. Yet your kids living there full time - it seems unfair they should share. In a sense you've both taken on 50% or more share of your children, and that should mean that they all have their own bedrooms.

Did the boys all have their own rooms under the previous set up of two houses?

Yes they do Unicorn

What they had at their other parent's is irrelevant. They need to be equals in your house so if one set are sharing then so should the others be. Also, you've already said that they were sleeping on the floor in current house? Therefore if anyone takes priority it should be them.

I genuinely think I'd try to treat all the children the same in this situation, OP. (So both sets of brothers sharing, or partition wall/use a downstairs room as master bedroom so they can all have their own rooms.) The situation at their other parents house doesn't really have anything to do with it. Nor does how many nights they're resident with you. What matters is them all feeling, as much as possible, that no-one is being favoured ahead of anyone else.

One of DD1's friends was telling me recently that she's stopped seeing her dad as much because he prefers his second wife's kids to her and her siblings because 'he lives with them all the time AND he gave them their own bedrooms'. I know the father a bit and I'm sure he'd be horrified she feels like that.

I'd wait till you can afford to build the extension to move. Nothing quite says less important than blending unequally.

Why is it more important to you to keep a games room than use it as a bedroom to make things equal?

No.

DS's sleep on the floor at their DF's house every other weekend. They do not have a bedroom, they sleep on the floor of their DF's GF's DC's.

DS's have their own room at home with DM bar every other other weekend when they are with DF.

DSS's have their own room at their DM's 50% of the time and own room with DF 50 % of the time in the current set up.

Lunar - the games room/den is a wooden summerhouse in the garden so can't really be used as a bedroom. House we are looking at has 3 double bedrooms and 1 single.