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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I can't stand my partners kids

59 replies

Naomi12345 · 21/06/2017 16:52

I know it's gonna sound horrible, but I don't want to leave him just because of his kids.
My partner and I live together for a year now the problem I have is his kids( I can't stand them 3 and 9 year old). The agreement between him and his ex was every other weekend kids will be with us(and that was fine with me). We moved to new house, got kids rooms sorted shortly after that I got pregnant and he asked me not to have child and get termination done as he didn't think it he was ready to have another child..I have done termination at age of 28 and I realise that I might have difficulties to get pregnant when I want to but it's done.. Things have changed now his kids are around me during the week days too!! Nor only that when he goes to work I have to look after them!! I hate it and I don't know what to do! If I would of have my own child it might of felt different but at this point I don't want his kids around me apart from every other weekend as agreed. They mess the house up, they eat like pigs(I found food in their beds), they scream and shout, they are just spoiled brats! Should I tell him how I feel or should I just pack my stuff and leave? Sometimes I feel like locking myself in a room and leave them there crying( and I understand it's bad....). Thnx for advise..

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 21/06/2017 19:57

I feel sorry for the poor children.

Leave him. Youll be doing the kids a huge favour.

Quartz2208 · 21/06/2017 20:06

You shouldn't leave him because of the kingdom Ds, you should leave him because of him

MikeUniformMike · 21/06/2017 20:07

Naomi, move on. If you stay with this man you will end up brining up two children - his not yours. Making you have a termination was a clear indication that he is a shit. He is treating you as an unpaid nanny with benefits.

MikeUniformMike · 21/06/2017 20:07

Naomi, move on. If you stay with this man you will end up brining up two children - his not yours. Making you have a termination was a clear indication that he is a shit. He is treating you as an unpaid nanny with benefits.

Only1scoop · 21/06/2017 20:08

I'd run for the hills

Lemonnaise · 21/06/2017 21:00

Is he leaving you with his kids when he's not there or is he bringing them home during the week with him?

Where is the mother when the kids are with you/him?

swingofthings · 22/06/2017 06:56

*This man makes you

  1. get a termination
  2. pay 50/50 for a house you only use 1/3 of
  3. look after his kids like a free au pair.* That's ridiculous.

He didn't make OP have a termination. He didn't want children, so the fact that OP got pregnant by accident doesn't mean he should have been delighted at the prospect of having another child. OP had the choice to go ahead and keep the pregnancy, she decided not to, a decision that might now be regretted, but that doesn't make him at fault.

The second point is not worth commenting on.

The last point is really the key one. Why oh why are you, and most importantly, have you not said anything about the situation and just let resentment take over? You must have agreed to move into the house and pay the bills 50/50, how could he have forced you to do that? Surely he must have asked you to look after the kids and you said yes.

He is using you, but that's because he has no reason to believe you are so unhappy with the situation. Telling him what he wants to hear and doing what he would like you to do is your own doing. If you are not happy with it, then why go ahead and do it?

You need to take responsibility for the choices you are making rather than putting yourself in the role of victim and him perpetrator. You have two choices now, you either sit down and talk to him and say that you can't continue as it is, that you are not prepared to continue with the pretend happy family and that there will need to be a readjustment within the dynamics of the household, with you taking a step back, or you need to accept that you are not on the same wavelength and the relationship has come to an end.

Underthemoonlight · 22/06/2017 09:35

I agree the kids are not to blame here, you felt pressured in having a termination and seeing the kids are a reminder of what could have been. However imagine if you had your baby I think your resentment of them would have escalated it sounds like your not cut out in being a step parent. Honestly I don't think could do it even though my
Dh is a brilliant SF to DS he was in his life from 2 years old and lives which him. Your young to met someone without kids.

Original poster
Naomi12345 · 22/06/2017 10:37

I think you are right my feelings towards his kids won't change. As much as I love and care for my man it will have to come to the end..
I did agree to get 3 bedroom house just for his kids but as I said they meant to be there every other weekend, not weekdays. I don't wish his kids bad and I feel horrible for hating them around me( I don't show that in front of them, I just keep it to myself, as I know it's horrible and I wouldn't wish that to anyone). I did talk to my partner about termination and his kids(didn't tell him I don't want them around me tho) and I have booked appointment to see physiologist as things were fine before I got pregnant. I didn't mind them being around me if I did why would I agree to move in with him. As horrible as it might sound there's a lot of children around me(family, friends) and I love them all apart from his kids..

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 22/06/2017 12:09

I wonder if its because you blame their existence for the fact that your baby does not because he was not ready for another child and therefore if they were not here yours would be.

OliviaStabler · 22/06/2017 12:23

I do think it has to end I'm afraid. Good luck Flowers

Bananasinpyjamas4 · 22/06/2017 21:28

This is only going to get worse - he's moving you in as the kids 'mother' but not allowing you to be a mother. It's a horrible situation for you, but also for the children. This is damaging you, and also damaging them.

The only person who seems to be getting anything out of this if your OH.

swingofthings · 23/06/2017 11:25

I wonder if its because you blame their existence for the fact that your baby does not because he was not ready for another child and therefore if they were not here yours would be.
I suspect that's the issue, hence talking with counsellor might be the best way forward.

troodiedoo · 23/06/2017 11:32

Very understandable that you would feel resentment towards his kids. But not fair on them either, it's not their fault if they are bratty if their dad is a bit of a moron. As the saying goes, you have a dp problem.

I wish you all the best for moving forward. Very sorry you were pressured into a termination Flowers

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 23/06/2017 11:35

He's using you and dumping his kids on you. I understand your resentment but it really should be directed at him, not the kids. Does he even slightly understand how ot must feel to have to look after his kids when you are still grieving the termination that he wanted and you didn't? This man does not have your best interests at heart.

NellieFiveBellies · 23/06/2017 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FizzyGreenWater · 28/06/2017 20:25

Pack your bags.

Walk... and find a nicer man to have your own family with.

A man who pressures you into a termination is a scumbag.

A man who does that and then expects you to play nanny to his kids is worse.

It's not his kids' fault... but they are a focus for your very jusitifable anger, and that's awful for them.

You've only been living together a year - fuck that. Leave, and he can pay for a childminder. Seems that's the main reason you're there!

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/06/2017 12:32

You sound so miserable, it's a horrible situation for all of you.

I agree with everyone else I'm afraid, this relationship isn't serving anyone well apart from your pretty grim sounding partner, and you need to break up to have a chance at being happy.

Can you look forward a year and see what life would look like in and away from the relationship?

Does he never want children with you or was it a case of bad timing? If he doesn't want any more and you want your own then you need to end this and find someone else to have a family with.

SerfTerf · 29/06/2017 12:36

Just leave.

Gemini69 · 29/06/2017 20:46

good luck lady xx

barrygetamoveonplease · 29/06/2017 20:51

You are being used. He pressured you into having a pregnancy terminated. You share his housing costs and act as unpaid childcare for his children. Presumably you have sex with him and share household chores as well. Oh, he's on a good thing with you, isn't he?
Leave.

user1471451259 · 30/06/2017 13:59

I don't understand why it's considered a problem on MN for someone to look after their DH's or DP's children when the DH/DP is at work or just generally? Either you're in a serious live in relationship/partnership or you're just boyfriend-girlfriend with very different expectations.

My DP looks after my children. He loves them and they get on great. And they are not massively well behaved either. But we are a package and he can't have me without them. As it should be for you and your DP.

I am sorry about your abortion but you are massively unfair and in the wrong here.

If you can't genuinely welcome his DCs into your shared house then get out. For your own sake as well as those DC who have done nothing wrong.

Gemini69 · 30/06/2017 16:38

Get a grip.... She is NOT in the wrong... she's being taken for a dastardly ride here.. ..

Leave him OP... he does not deserve you x

twinpeak · 30/06/2017 23:45

Take it from me. Leave. I can't stand my OH's kids being in my house (and quite honestly in my life) they are lovely kids. It is not them it is me. We have them this weekend and I am counting down the seconds till it's time for them to leaves

I have a DD and love my partner so I won't leave him. You don't have children with him (so sorry you went through what you did) so leave now is my advice.

twinpeak · 30/06/2017 23:46

To leave.