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Original poster

Well it's finally happened

37 replies

Fooso · 13/06/2017 19:00

My 16 year old son has refused to come home because of my dp. I didn't realise he was so unhappy with the complete disinterest my dp showed him for the last 7 years. I was always asking him but to protect me he said it was fine. My dp has messaged him today and wants to meet him and he has refused. He is very hurt and unhappy. I am torn in half but have made it clear I will go with my ds

OP posts:
Original poster
Fooso · 13/06/2017 19:01

Sorry 17 nearly 18

OP posts:
ferriswheel · 13/06/2017 19:02

Why is your do not interested in your son? What made your son react the way he has today?

Original poster
Fooso · 13/06/2017 19:04

The nagging I think about nothing, the ignoring him when he says hello in the evening. He poured it all out to my dp today via text and it took him by surprise even though we have had numerous fall outs over it

OP posts:
LedaP · 13/06/2017 19:04

Why havent you left your dp before now?

Do what it takes to bring your son home. Even if they means leaving you oh.

Original poster
Fooso · 13/06/2017 19:06

I will definitely look to rent us a flat if he decides not to try and sort it with my dp. I have been like a mother to his 2 ds

OP posts:
LedaP · 13/06/2017 19:09

What di you mean if he decides?

Your oh has made no effort since he was 10. Your oh decided yo show no interest while you treat his kids like sons.

This isnt your sons decision. You know how he feels. Why should he try and sort it out?

Why havent you left before?

You need to decide.

Original poster
Fooso · 13/06/2017 19:12

I agree but we have a home together and 3 children in total to uproot if we sell up . My son isn't sure what he wants to do he says he needs a few days I've said I am there for him whatever he decides

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 13/06/2017 19:14

7 years??!

Why the fuck have you even put up with that?

I'm a LP with DS. No way would I even have a man in my life who showed such disrespect to him.

I really feel for your son.

LedaP · 13/06/2017 19:18

You arent going to anseer why you havent left him, are you.

Your oh created this situation and you have gone along with it.

You have put your sons wellbeing behind your stepkids, oh and relationship.

Take ownership of your mistakes and concentrate on your son before its too late and can never be fixed.

Original poster
Fooso · 13/06/2017 19:32

I can't explain a 7 year relationship in a post it hasn't all been like this and my son is confused so I am not going to pile pressure on him. But my son and I have a close relationship and I will be there whatever he wants to do

OP posts:
Lunar1 · 13/06/2017 21:20

Is your son with his dad?

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 14/06/2017 22:44

So essentially your son has seen you put your love life and money before him.

Even now, you won't act despite the fact you've known for seven years your son was unhappy.

Your poor son, I hope he can find happiness as he moves to adult life.

BandeauSally · 14/06/2017 22:49

I didn't realise he was so unhappy with the complete disinterest my dp showed him for the last 7 years.

Why were you so happy with the disinterest shown by this person you were forcing your child to live with?

BandeauSally · 14/06/2017 22:50

I've said I am there for him whatever he decides

We you're not really are you? You're with your partner. Actions speak louder than words. It means nothing if you don't act on it.

Haffdonga · 14/06/2017 22:56

So your dp would pointedly ignore your ds when he said hello? What he just acted like he couldn't hear him? That's not disinterest. That's fucking nasty.

Your poor ds. I'm surprised you let that abuse carry on.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/06/2017 22:58

Why has it taken your DS refusing to come home, for you to admit that your DP is disinterested in him? It is not your son's responsibility to sort it out with your DP. You say you've been like a mother to your DP's 2 son's, and yet you have not addressed your own son's problems! Nice Confused

DancingLedge · 14/06/2017 23:03

Where is your DS?
What is he trying to decide between?

Your DP ignores your DS when he greets him??This has gone on for years? And you are close?

DancingLedge · 14/06/2017 23:04

It's finally happened.
If this is your title, it can't really be a surprise.

feathermucker · 14/06/2017 23:06

You allowed your partner to show disinterest towards your son for 7 fucking years?????

Why on earth has this been allowed to carry on during some of the most emotional and important years?!

He's your child! Sort it out Angry

PovertyPain · 14/06/2017 23:07

I didn't realise he was so unhappy with the complete disinterest my dp showed him for the last 7 years. oh well, now it's your turn to find out what it's like to have someone that should care about you, acting disinterested in you.

I feel so sorry for your poor son.

AntiopeofThemyscira · 14/06/2017 23:09

It's probably too late to be honest. I know that as I grew older I became much more aware of just how awful my childhood had been whereas before as a child it had just been my "normal". That awareness has only grown as I got older and I have little relationship with my parents now. You let your DP treat your child like an unwanted nuisance for seven years; his most formative years in fact, while you mothered your DP's children. You'll be lucky if he continues to bother much with you and that's a real shame for him and for you.

LedaP · 15/06/2017 05:56

I can't explain a 7 year relationship in a post it hasn't all been like this

You said in your op that your oh hasnt been interested in your son for 7 years.

You knew there was a problem because yiu asked him if it bothered him. He said no to protect you. But if you thought everything was fine and dandy, why would you question him?

The relationship dynamic isnt right. Your son, your child says what he needs to say to protect you.

You may think you are close. But i suspect he doesnt view it like that. He probably views it as he needs to look after you. And is fed up. Its a lot of pressure for a teenager. He needs a mum.

228agreenend · 15/06/2017 06:16

Difficult one.

Your dp has done the right thing in trying to resolve the situation.

You say it hasn't always been like this, and you thought things were okay. Could your teen be going through a sultry stage (I have two teens myself)?

Not saying what your son says isn't true, but teens do go through rough patches.

Meowstro · 15/06/2017 15:51

7 years!? I think it's got to much for your son and if there's been words about it in the past, it might be a little too late. He's probably thinking if he comes back, a week later it'll be the same.

I really hope that even if he doesn't come back, you and him can rebuild your relationship. He has protected your feelings as many children do in that family dynamic but now is time to put him first. Can you perhaps message him and meet up, just you and him? Ask for honesty, ask what you can do and don't accept answers that are for your protection just because it settles best like that. Now is time to look deep and really address the stuff that's been brushed under the carpet so you can move forward. Sitting back and letting him get on with it frankly makes it look like you see it as your son's problem to sort out.

idontaskformuch · 15/06/2017 16:06

I think you're getting a hard time and you have no doubt spent 7 years trying to
hold everything together for everyone whilst not getting much back, by the sounds of it.

Teenagers are difficult but you need to really think about your future with this man.

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