Sorry, new to this and may be a bit long and rambling as I don't really know where to start/where I'm going with it...
Background, been with OH a year, met his 2 x daughters 7 mths ago, moved into a house with OH 6 mths ago, 1 night a week/EOW started with kids 5 mths ago, I really do get on with the kids.
Since Christmas the younger one (8) has decided she doesn't want to stay overnight (previous reasons, fallout with sister (12) doesn't want to come if she is coming etc.) OHEX has made it ok for her to go home, she picks her up in the week and OH has to take her home at the weekend, then OHEX moans via text to OH that she was supposed to be going out/had plans but couldn't do anything because she was having 8yr old back, OHEX also quite often makes OH feel so guilty when it is not his days to see the kids and as good as demands he goes round and spends sometime with them that day (at hers) because 8yr old is crying and wants to see him, he goes round, all is fine.
This weekend has been a nightmare, started off well...8yr old came shopping on her own with me and announced that she is going to stay the night, which is all good, a couple of hours later falls out with sister, tears and wants to go home, OH manages to stop her crying and she is staying again, a little while later, kids fall out again, tears and 8yr old wants to go home this time I get her to come back downstairs, OH texts EX and gets no reply, eventually she texts back and asks him to keep 8yr old as she has made plans to go out, 8yr old is fine about having to stay, up early with me the next morning OH takes them both back early with presents that he has taken them to buy as its Mothers Day, kids fall out as leaving. An hour or so after drop off he gets a really shitty text about "what a fucking disaster that was", apparently 8yr old hates every one and only stayed because the mum wanted to go out (I think OH was supposed to act a bad parent and just say he wasn't taking her home rather than the truth - however this wasn't specified in Sat night text!) "the way she spoke and looked at me was awful" kind of thing.....fast forward to Tuesday...OH receives another ranty text about how he had not replied to previous text etc. etc and needed to go around so 8yr old could see him...by this time 8yr old hates everyone, when he goes round, EX then goes off on one about him spending time alone with his children (I do regularly leave them to it for this reason, OH is keen for me to do stuff with them, as I am now part of his life) and how the 8yr only does stuff with me because she "goes along with it to keep OH happy" (at no point have I ever asked them to come with me, they ask and I always say you need to ask dad).
Another time OH on his none weekend said he would pop round and see the kids for an hour (he quite often does this when it is not his weekend as he does miss them) turns up and EX goes out...two hours later he is texting her to see how long she is going to be...
Next week, EX has said 8yr old is staying because she is going out.
I think I am really asking for advice on how to deal with the EX as my OH and I had a huge row this morning regarding how controlling she is over the whole situation and her "you should do this, that and the other with the kids when you have them" and her tip toeing into our relationship.........
I have seen previous posts where comments are about, what do I get out of it, does he pay his way etc. We have a great time when his EX is not involved in anyway, and we have a great time with the kids when the EX is not involved and we both contribute