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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Hiding in bedroom away from skid

87 replies

NotJuliaRoberts · 07/03/2017 12:11

Does anyone else do this?

We have 6yr old SD for two thirds of the time up from 50% (recent court order, hopefully temporary). I find her loud, overbearing, and the recent increase in tantrums is unbearable. She will follow me around the house and even into the bathroom and sit and watch me pee.

DP is a Disney Dad with the typical guilt and permissive parenting. He also seems to have a bizarre love affair with his SD and often says he'd be happy if life was just him and her.

I have recently began hiding in the bedroom whenever SD visits. I am very quiet and just read or watch TV. I am 19 weeks pregnant and can't deal with the relentlessness of SD. I'd much rather sit on my own, lonely as it is.

I know I can't do this forever, but for now, it's keeping me sane.

Anyone identify?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DixieNormas · 07/03/2017 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BToperator · 07/03/2017 19:56

I truly hate all the bashing of stepmothers on MN at times, and would normally be sympathetic, as it is a hard role to be in, but your posts are very hard to read OP. She is only 6, and it sounds like she has had a tough time. If you really dislike her so much please leave for her sake. She has no choice about where she lives, but you can choose to take yourself out of the situation. If you don't things are not going to get better for any of you.

SecretWitch · 07/03/2017 19:57

I feel very sorry for your stepdaughter. She is only a baby still. She has no control over her life. She does know though who loves her and who doesn't.
Family counseling might be of assistance if you wish your relationship with dp/dh to continue.

How would you feel in 6 years if dp has a new partner who sees your child in this way?

Herdingcows · 07/03/2017 20:01

I'm wondering how old you are OP

You come across as very immature and honestly a bit spiteful. She's a little girl, the way your treating her is appalling.

Makes me wonder how you will treat your own child when they get to the "I hate you mummy" stage

You seem completely wrapped up in your own feelings and wants. Being part of a family generally means you have to think of others too

needsahalo · 07/03/2017 21:42

Can't get past 'skid'.

needsahalo · 07/03/2017 21:42

Can't get past 'skid'.

deaddeadgood · 07/03/2017 22:00

For their sake, not yours, you need to leave.

deaddeadgood · 07/03/2017 22:01

Gosh this is one of the saddest posts I've read on mn. Sickening.

Thattimeofyearagain · 07/03/2017 22:07

How old are you op?

Redken24 · 07/03/2017 22:08

Why on earth are you having a baby with him? That poor young girl is just getting stability. When you take on a partner with kids they become your family too whether you like it or not. Grow up! That wee girl was there before and will be after you. Would you rather a man that didn't care about his child? Pfft

stitchglitched · 07/03/2017 22:11

Do you have children who live with their Dad? Your posting style seems familiar.

Either way, you have no business living in a house with a child you actively dislike. You have choices, she doesn't.

Dollyparton3 · 08/03/2017 13:31

i remember my step mum who told me when I was young that "I've had my children, if you want anything from me you can forget it. no lifts, no treats, no pocket money, nothing". She may as well have declared war on me that day, 5 years later she was gone and I had my Dad back.

She saw me as an interference and one that she had to suffer whilst focusing all her time and attention on her children.

There is no way I'd treat my stepchildren in the same way. They can both equally be high maintenance for different reasons on different days but as far as I see it, they were here first and I have a LOT of time when they're not around. So when they are with us, we work through the teenage hormones, tantrums, demands and discipline as it's an important part of their development.

If you think a 6 year old is tough, wait until she hits 14, if you get that far with her Dad. I'd say that's looking unlikely but raising a 14 year old on your own will be much tougher on you.

paxillin · 08/03/2017 20:29

"When is [my name] going to die? I want [my name] to go away, right NOW!"

Well, she is a 6 year old who has an adult who hates her living in her home. She's not a visitor there. I'm in my 40s and would be extremely distressed having to live with someone who hates me, it would be soul destroying. Poor kid.

workingmumsarebad · 08/03/2017 21:03

It is rare on the SP board that there is universal condemnation of the OP.

You have united an amazingly diverse group of lurkers, posters, SPs and non SPs in their absolute revulsion at you attitude.

That really does take some beating.

So sad for the little girl and by the sounds of things - a Dad who is not really Disney just doing the best he can and prioritising his child.

badabing36 · 08/03/2017 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

tigerrun · 09/03/2017 12:15

You are absolutely right workingmums, well said. However OP long gone, clearly didn't like the sound of the truth..

FilledSoda · 09/03/2017 13:15

Are you really grappling with the choice of staying or leaving and having an abortion?
Is it not too late?
I do sympathise OP.
I couldn't be in a relationship with a father and thankfully I know that about myself.

paxillin · 09/03/2017 13:38

On the upside, he will be a great dad to your child, too when you split up. And it is when not if, unless you make some major changes. You cannot sit in one room with "your" child and he sits in another with "his". Your stepdaughter will be the sister of the new baby and he is the dad after all.

paxillin · 09/03/2017 13:40

I do say this as both a mother and a stepmother by the way, I know step-parenting is not easy.

Pinkbottletop · 10/03/2017 15:45

Everyone needs to back the F off of this woman. She's 19 weeks pregnant, hormonal, and clearly unhappy. Calling her names and talking to her like this is disgusting of YOU. She's come for advice and support and you're acting like a pack of wild animals. Shame on YOU.

She got the SKID thing wrong. Cool. We all get things wrong and on MN you can't make amendments to posts - so chill out.

No one knows what the full situation is here. No one lives in that house. Don't presume to know. There could be more things at play and you know what, there are plenty people in this position.

OP - try and take each day as it comes. I know it can be hard to have affection for a child that doesn't like you and comes with drama and of course there's jealousy of your DP and the relationship with SD but things take time. Bit by bit, start to do things with her. No big steps, but little ones. Do a puzzle with her. Create a booklet of activities to go through - just you and her. And be honest with your DP on how you're feeling and what he can do to help. End of the day it's his child and therefore he should have the most investment in making sure the two of you get on. Too many men these days sit back and allow divides out of laziness and ease.

Good luck!

Underthemoonlight · 10/03/2017 15:59

I think it's great that everyone defending this poor little girl stuck in the middle of what appears to be a selfish persons attitude. To the previous poster being pregnant does not give you grounds to be vile about her dp existing child. It really says a lot about your moral compass that you would defend such a woman..

Pinkbottletop · 10/03/2017 16:05

No one said it's an excuse. I said give her a break and back off. Do you live in that house? Do you know the full story? No. The OP has been very minimal in what she replies to so she hasn't helped her case by not being as open about why she feels the way she does, but perhaps people need to get off of this woman's back. She might be suffering from depression or anxiety or any number of things that happen to some pregnant women with all the hormonal changes and the things you're all saying are enough to drive someone not in a good state to do something silly.

QuiteLikely5 · 10/03/2017 16:10

If you carry on with this attitude you are on the road to hell - wise up or ship out

She's here and here to stay.

I guarantee that you are the one expected to change your attitude etc not her, she's a child and remaining in your room during her visits??!! Seriously who is the child here?

Grow up

SecretWitch · 10/03/2017 16:23

Pinkbottle, she is an adult woman clearly capable of removing herself from an unhappy situation. Her stepchild (skid is deplorable in any circumstance) is a baby. A baby caught with a nasty stepmother, she has no defense against.

workingmumsarebad · 10/03/2017 17:14

Pinkbottle - read some of her other posts about her DSD.

Either way pregnant or not, her attitude is awful.

Skid was not a mistake -terminology on here is fairly simple and very obvious what causes offence.

A 6yr old is not restless - they are 6yrs old

Oh and most of us on here have been pregnant a few times and understand hormones and what they do to you - thanks for your patronising comments!!!!

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