Please just tell me it gets easier, please

[Iloveprettythings]

Hi Sorry. Bad evening.
I don't really want to put why because I think a load of abuse that those of us who struggle with step parenting often get will probably push me over the edge. But I have argued AGAIN tonight over OH's kids

Does it ever get easier? Do you ever start to enjoy having your step children stay?

I feel so uptight/anxious/unrelaxed when they are here.

You only live once & life is too short to be miserable - this is what my my dh said to me the last time we clashed over his dd being here every weekend. He basically informed me that she would visit every weekend for the rest of his life and he would rather not be with me than sacrifice this time with his dd or upset his exw! I know he loves me but she will always come first. Life is so cruel. My first grandchild was born just before Christmas and she won't be able to visit at weekends because his (adult) disabled child is here & obviously far more important and precious than mine! Life sucks - but I love him!

That's a really hard situation herewego
That was the conclusion I came to. I was miserable and I only get one life. My DC also had a miserable mother.
Love does funny things to us all

I guess we just have to make the most of the time we have together with our partners but I will continue to disappear (or hide) at weekends and Tuesday nights! It's good to sound off to people that can understand what we're going through.

It is. There a very few people I can do that with in RL. A lot of people have said, or at least think that you know what you're getting into, being with a man with children. I don't think anything prepares you for reality.

I'm actually dreading the day I have to see DPs C again.

OP my first only started sleeping, even for a couple of hours straight at 9 months and his C wouldn't stop screaming when I put him to bed despite me asking 3 times. I was so sleep deprived with my DP working away and breastfeeding a huge baby whilst recovering from sepsis that I was in tears. DP told me I was overreacting, as he always did. Our second has only just started sleeping through (sometimes) at 11 months. I just couldn't have taken another 2 or 3 children on.

We had a fall out last night, it's one of the kids birthdays soon and he was looking for a present he had sworn he had seen in the Argos catalog but couldn't find. I found the same thing on Amazon and told him to order it there. He said he couldn't as he didn't want it damaged in the post or for no one to be in to collect it.... he really bit my head off when I was just trying to be helpful.
How can he expect me to be caring or to feel included if I get my head bitten off every time I open my mouth

BillyDaveysDaughter

Beautiful and honest post.

I also aspire to be like this but often fail!

Well they are not here. So that is good. Friday night is a compromise, not ideal but at least I won't have work the next day.

I never ever feel relaxed or myself when they are here.

The history is that there were loads of ex wife issues and I didn't meet them for 3 years and when I did I had to be so careful what I said or did as the ex hated me. The pressure was too much. The kids had her saying stuff and it was not great.

Oh the bitter ex! Has she moved on & met anyone else?

I don't think it gets easier, but with time you do get better at dealing with it.

Over the years I have stepped away from DSS, as he absolutely wants nothing to do with me. He lives with us and goes to his mother 2 or 3 days a week. I let Dh do everything for him and have learnt only to offer my opinion on anything when asked.

Dh is away with work this week, and I am quite enjoying having a quiet week without DSS here.

Ex wife has moved on.
Skies, is it a weird atmosphere in your house with things like that?
How do you cope?

Skies tnstaafl kind of tension constantly must be awful

I can only manage it as I can get away from SD most of the time

Help, she's arrived for the weekend - I do try to be involved and integrate myself but I absolutely hate the whole situation. I cannot stand the constant noise, I feel completely irritated & overwhelmed with anxiety, my stomach is in knots & I will now have to take myself out for a very long drive until she has gone to bed - God only knows what I'll do tomorrow. I'm really not sure how much more I can take - I'm not super human! I seriously doubt I will ever change this mindset, I'm just not programmed to love another woman's child - I truly envy those of you that can & do! I'm probably just too old, selfish & set in my ways.

Skies, is it a weird atmosphere in your house with things like that?

Not really, it only feels strange when I explain it to others. DSS does not speak to anyone in the house apart from his DF. He tends to stay in his room - totally his choice. He won't come in a room if I am there, so I rarely see him.

The other two kids, dh and I all get on and have fun etc. We used to try to get DSS to be more sociable but he won't join in.

I would not suggest this as a solution to anyone, as I am sure it is not making DSS happy, but we have adjusted to it. The point I was making is that as a step parent you find your way of dealing with the situation, however difficult and unusual.

*I'm just not programmed to love another woman's child
*
This is me. You nailed exactly how I feel. I would never want them to come to any harm and they are sweet children. But I will never love them. I might have done if I hadn't had my own child, but that love is overwhelming and I know I would never feel even small percentage of that for the other kids.
Plus I will never enjoy having them stay over.

skies I wish my SD wouldn't come in a room if i was there. Instead she walks around making everyone in every room utterly miserable...

Have managed to get rid of difficult SD to a hobby she loves for most of the morning so having a lovely lazy morning in peace... although obviously DP has taken her but nice for her to have some time with her dad

to all of you.I really don't know how you all manage.It's hard enough parenting as it is without having to deal with step-parenting.

Phew, I thought I had it bad, but all of our DC were grown when we net, which was a conscious decision on my part, (never date a man with young DC). Even so, there are have been ongoing ptoblems with one of DH's DC, thinking she can treat her father as her own personal banking account. However, we're onto DGC on both sides now, and I will admit, I feel very differently about my own DGC. I'm fond of his DGC, and always try to treat them the same, plus they all think of me as grandma, and always have! But I cannot, and never will love them like I do my own!