AIBU with exwifes/DSD's present?

[Evilstepmum01]

Totally prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable here, just need some perspective really!
DH's birthday yesterday, I got him something and bought him a wee something from our DS. Just a toy they can play with together from asda. (we just get little things!)
DSD got him something too, its usually aftershave or something like that (his exwife tends to buy loads of expensive presents for him which we feel slightly uncomfortable about-a Superdry gilet last year-her boyfriend doesnt even have one!).
Shes got him a personalised cushion with DH's and DSD's face on it.
Now, for fathers day or his birthday, if I get anything personalised, I always put DS and DSD on it. So no-ones nose is out of joint and DH loves them both so its fair!
AIBU to be pissed off with exwife for doing this when he has told her this in the past?
DS did ask where he is because Daddy and his big sister are his family.

So, AIBU to feel for our son?

to be fair, we are really angry with his exwife just now as last week she left DSD8 looking after her new baby (1) while she went to the shop. This may be affecting my perception!!

I said I knew I was being unreasonable TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN

Thanks though. I consider myself well and truly told.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It's a little like she is still 'claiming' YOUR DH. If my DP bought his Ex a cushion with her face and her daughters on it I'd feel a bit icky!

But is it worth getting upset about? No. Although I'd be tempted to stuff the cushion firmly into step child's room - not DHs! It's only because of their shared child that she is able to send a gift at all surely.

It's very churlish now to leave it in the box. Your DSD's birth - you weren't there, he knows you weren't there, you both know she isn't biologically yours - it's no great surprise. How does it make a scrap of difference that her birth date is on a keyring?

My exDP did something similar with a necklace in that he included my DSS on the engraving and I never wore it either. I didn't meet my DSS until he was teen and saw him about 5 times a year so my feelings for him were very different to the feelings I had for my DC! Often I think DPs and DHs are in denial about SC not being the biological children of their new partners. Mine was.

Mycats I take my hat off to you! That sounds like a very tricky balancing act! Sometimes, no matter what you do, its wrong for someone!!
crusoe dont worry, think pp missed where you said you knew it was BU!
bananas I think you misread my post-she got him a cushion with DH and DSD's face on it! We've had 'Ex-Wifegate' already where she sent his relatives a xmas card with her picture on it! had she put her picture on the gift, she'd have to have it surgically removed!
maleficient I think DH expects me to feel the same for DSD as he does, I think a lot of parents forget that step parents just dont have that natural connection with SC's!

A cushion with their faces on? Cards with her face on? It's a bit silly of her!

My DPs ExW also sends cards to his family every Xmas signed 'from the ___(DPs surname) family...' and used to bake DP cakes...

I think even your DP feels a bit uncomfortable!

Maleficent4. That's totally different to a very small child who you see/lives with you frequently.

Crusoe says she knows she's being unreasonable, yet the key ring she asked for, is still sitting in the box. She says she was 'ok' with having her SD's name on it, but not her birthdate.

Evil. I still don't see why your DSD can't give her Dad a cushion with a picture of the two of them. Her & her Daddy.

thethings
we've kind of done the BU bit. And moved on.

bananas
She bakes him cakes? Thats er......naice. As for the cards, they tailed off got lost. DP feels uncomfortable but she doesnt listen. We ebay the stuff now and put it in our holiday fund for kids.

Disclaimer: I am not going to ebay DSD's cushion.

If it's DH present all his children should be on there. If you had posted about making something with you, DH and DS and no DSD then there would be some shock and accusation of excluding DSD.

I have a daughter and step son. With DH birthday I get the cards and presents from both children because they are both his. Recently DD has had more attention off his relatives because everyone is excited about the new baby. I'm the one that makes sure DSS is not left out, I make sure everything DH gets for presents includes both DSS and DD pictures, words etc.

If your son isn't his son I'd get the cushion but if both children are siblings (half siblings) then it's a bit shitty.

Maybe his ex isn't sure if it would be appropriate to use your son's picture/ doesn't have one?

But I think YANBU. If you were excluding his daughter with his ex then you'd be told you were unfair and it's a two way street. She doesn't have to be involved with your son but given she wouldn't want her daughter treated as an outsider she shouldn't do it to your son. I wouldn't expect my husband's ex to buy or contribute towards our daughter but I would not be happy if she tried to behave as though she didn't exist in regards to presents to DH.

You feel what you feel. How can that be unfair? Different things tick off different people. What you do with your feelings is another matter, of course.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. It sounds to me like the ex is trying to insert herself into your household. Why is she buying expensive gifts for your DP? This is wrong. I understand her DD might want to buy her dad a gift but you have 50/50 and as you have a child of your own it's easy enough for you to include DSD in any gift you buy DP. If DSD is upset that the gifts seem inexpensive and has complained to her mum then it needs explaining to her that you don't need to spend hundreds of £s to show love. The ex is out of order and your DP needs to put boundaries in place and explain that you are more than capable of doing gifts from DSD assuming his ex doesn't buy you and your DS presents on your birthday, so why do it for your DP?

Your feelings are your own and only you can say whether they are unreasonable but that's where you need to decide whether you can let it go or to tackle it with DP. To be frank I'd not be bothered about the cushion but I would be putting a stop to the other presents from here on in.

She may grow out of the point scoring (look I had a child with him first) now she has another child with her new dp.