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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

I feel like such a horrible person

92 replies

Sillyface29 · 02/01/2017 10:59

Hi!
Il try to keep this as short as possible. I've already posted before about this topic but things seem to be getting worse. Me and my partner have been together for over 2 years. We have our own little boy who is one and he has a son from a previous relationship who is 4. A few months ago stepsons mum decided she "didn't want him anymore" so he come to live with us full time. I've always known he was hard work as we had him on weekends and all holidays and he was just a nightmare but I've had the patience of a saint with him.
These past few months though his behaviour has totally gotten out of hand. He has is fine with his dad. Me on the other hand it's like he hates. He spits on me, hits me, screams that he hates me, totally ignores me in public and has tantrums. He's started hurting my son too and the other night I walked into the bathroom to find him weeing on my son.
This morning I was cleaning up (out of the room for about 2 minutes) and I went back in to find him ramming food down my sons throat. He started choking and my partner had to dislodge it. He couldn't breathe and I literally thought we weren't going to get it out. I've never been so frightened.
I literally can't take anymore, and I feel like I can't stand having him around. I've cried all day and told my partner I think I should go to my mums for a bit as I don't want my son witnessing this and over the holidays I've had to time to spend with my own son as step son always wants the attention. I've gone without, both me and my partner so we could give him an excellent Xmas. Everytime I go somewhere I take him and try and show him love and it makes no difference.
He has an appointment at CAHMS in the next few weeks but for the sake of my own sanity and my sons well being I think I should leave for a bit - my partner has said if I do, our relationship is over.
I feel like the worst person in the world as I know he's only 4 but I'm at breaking point and don't want to feel like this. I love him so much but when he's hurting my son it breaks my heart.
Help!! 😭 xx

OP posts:
Ouriana · 04/01/2017 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tribpot · 04/01/2017 12:21

He's no interest in your point of view, or in working in a partnership. I think you need to go, at least for a short while to get your head straight.

swingofthings · 04/01/2017 12:32

Some kids are more difficult than others, some because of emotional or learning issues, some just because! It doesn't make them bad children, however, bringing them up is exhausting.

I pick up that you are at that stage of exhaustion and stress where everything becomes a big deal and trigger an emotional reaction. Your OH might have a point in that regards, but what he seems to fell to take into consideration is how hard it is on you and how exhausted you are.

Don't make any harsh decisions feeling this way, just step away for a while, rest and then reassess the circumstances. Hopefully that break will help being able to establish what is best for you and your son moving forward, be it working on your family or moving away for good.

SomethingLikeFlying · 04/01/2017 12:37

I really think that having less space is not as bad as where you are right now. At least your baby won't be in danger and nobody will wee on him amongst everything else. Once you've found your feet again you might not even want to go back to him and may want to get a place of your own.
In all honesty I think if you didn't go back there would be grounds for your baby to not stay with his dad for his own safety and wellbeing.

pklme · 04/01/2017 13:17

June's idea about the fostering boards is right. There is more understanding there of where this is coming from and lots of good advice on managing the behaviour.

The only thing is, while DF isn't recognising the problem, there is nothing you can do about it. How did the CAMHS referral come about? Is there someone who can talk to him and explain that this is serious and needs consistent handling, for the sake of both children?

Mamatallica · 04/01/2017 13:21

I find your DH's attitude disgusting to be honest. Ok, the stepson is only 4 but he is still abusing you and your baby and your husband doesn't see a problem with this. You need to keep your DS safe and leave your DH to man up and deal with his older son, the poor kid clearly has a lot of issues but it shouldn't be your problem anymore.

Keremy · 04/01/2017 16:55

I think you should leave and get some space more so because your dp is not willing to consider your feelings or work with you to help the boy rather than the boys behaviour.

Apachepony · 04/01/2017 18:56

If you want to stay with your dp, it is going to be a v hard road as he is giving you no support at all with what is a v difficult situation. This is not typical behaviour at all - not the hurting of your son. I have a v hyper son and could imagine him tipping over a box of something- but he would be disciplined, not excused because he's 4! Practically speaking, do you want to leave your dp? Are you financially dependent on him?

JanuaryMoods · 04/01/2017 19:08

Please leave, you need to keep your son safe.

Your stepson needs far more help than you or his DF can give him, he is a very disturbed child.

kittybiscuits · 04/01/2017 19:13

The SS has a mum who apparently doesn't want him and a dad who can't be arsed to parent him even when he's very naughty right in front of his face. No wonder he has problems. You have to protect yourself and your son.

JeffJarrett · 04/01/2017 19:20

Your DP is massively minimising his sons behaviour. I expect because he doesn't want to accept that there is something 'wrong' with him. But there is, OP. I expect he has behavioural issues from his relationship with his mother, if he knows she didn't want him, as well as possible SN. She might not have been strong enough to deal with his behaviour and it could have worsened the situation. It's only speculation and I'm sure you'll get more insight from CAMHS.

You have been amazing from what you've posted. You've tried your hardest but neither his real mother or father want to do the donkey work with him so why the hell should you be expected to? I absolutely (and nor should anyone else) don't blame you for wanting some head space and to keep your DS safe. You need to do this and your DP is being a twat threatening to end the relationship over it. I agree that he won't go through with it, but he will definitely come to realise how hard things are for you, how bad things are and that the situation needs addressing seriously.

I have a son with behavioural SN and have had times when I felt like I'm in a living hell. Ex wasn't interested so it was all on me pushing for diagnoses, medical and behavioural help and being pulled into school meetings. It has gotten a lot better but it's a fucking long hard road to travel on your own, I can't imagine doing it for anyone but my own child, and I never had any other children to protect. I really feel for you OP.

Go to your mums, stay for a week or two at least and relax and look after yourself and your DS. When behaviour is this bad you really need a break for your own mental health. Flowers

Sillyface29 · 04/01/2017 23:32

Thanks again honestly from the bottom of my heart for these replies, they make me feel much more sane and less a failure.
I definetly think ss relationship with his mum has played a massive part in why he is the way he is. It has always been mind games with her, I remember I picked him up from nursery (before he came to live with us) and while I waited at the door for him, he screamed over to me "my mummy said I don't need to come with you because you're a c*" she just really isn't a nice person.
His CAHMS referral came from the school. The teacher had said when he was living with his mum last year he had a support worker at nursery and was meant to go for meetings but she just sacked them off and never bothered attending. Which I really don't understand. Because when he is nice and behaved, he's a joy. But them days seem to be practically non existent now.
I've been down my mums most of the day and my partner came down to get us and said "just remember he's a little boy who needs us to be strong". Which I agree, but when he's not around it feels like a weight has lifted and I can kind of relax. My son can play and I can nip to the loo with out the worry. Which sounds absolutely awful because if someone said that about my son I would kill them.

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 04/01/2017 23:54

Your partner is the problem here. I'm sad and worried for your SS. He's a very small child who it sounds like has been emotionally neglected and then abandoned by his mum and then passed to a dad who would rather not do the parenting and who has a younger child taking all of the attention. He really needs professional help as both parents have failed him. I think you leaving will unfortunately be bad for him but at the same time I agree you have to protect your other DC

pklme · 05/01/2017 05:29

Explain to DP that you can get primary and secondary trauma from loving and caring for a child like this without enough support.
It's not about calming down.

Try and get a book called parenting the child that hurts, by Caroline archer. That explains brilliantly.

Sillyface29 · 05/01/2017 09:37

Il have a look at that book Thankyou.
I think as much as I'm not getting emotional support from my partner, he is trying to be there for the eldest son. He says he doesn't want to be hard on him or tell him off just show him love. Which I can totally understand, but at the same time it's not teaching him right for wrong, not putting my son and his needs a priority and totally putting a strain on our relationship.
This morning me and my little boy stayed in bed and I was listening to his behaviour and he was like a new little boy so now I'm thinking me and my son are making him behave like this?

OP posts:
MistressMaisie · 05/01/2017 12:54

I'm thinking me and my son are making him behave like this?
Well,, you weren't at the school each time he got in trouble there.

He was probably happy at one to one with his DF.

If you moved out how would DH manage the child care?
If he depends on you to meet the DSS from school etc then he needs to support you in a parent role.

The good thing is that the boy is only 4, so surely can be saved. But his DF is not helping him at all. Can you bring in some experts to guide DH. But meanwhile you need to keep DS safe.

tribpot · 05/01/2017 13:04

He says he doesn't want to be hard on him or tell him off just show him love
That isn't showing him love, it's just being lazy. Your step-son needs discipline and boundaries (as well as love, of course).

I'm sure he does feel threatened by a step-mother and a half-brother. That doesn't mean you are 'making' him behave like this. But his father's refusal to address the behaviour means it won't ever get better, potentially at the risk of serious harm to your ds. Leaving your ds in a situation where your step-son could seriously hurt him would be failing both children.

Ilovecaindingle · 05/01/2017 13:06

Is he jealous your ds has a mam and he doesn't?

SomethingLikeFlying · 05/01/2017 14:00

If you moved out how would DH manage the child care?

I wondered that as well. But in my opinion if it becomes a problem for him then it's his own fault.

Sillyface29 · 05/01/2017 18:45

Sorry ladies but I'm gonna bend your ears again and ask for more advice!
As I've already mentioned money has been really tight. Oh runs his own business but with the Xmas period and cold weather he hasn't had much work. When I had my son I left my job and ran the books for the business and said I would do this till my son was 2.
Anyway as I said before money has been tight. So we've been looking for jobs to do till the weather picks up. There was 2 options a job for 6 nights a week from 4pm till 2am working on the roads or a delivery job for 2/3 nights for the same money less hours and more money.
I've said I would rather him take the delivery job because I will not be able to manage step son on my own 6 nights a week aswell as our son aswell. It would just be FAR TOO HARD after everything that's gone on. Yet again he wanted to go the harder route and not take the delivery job and the one where he's out the house a lot more.
Would any of you ladies be happy with this. Normal situation I think I would be glad of the peace but when my oh went for the interview tonight I had them both and my step son punched me and had a tantrum because I took the remote off him.
I feel like I'm simply can't win! He says this job (6 nights week) is permanent and reliable- even though he's only doing it for a couple of weeks so why would it matter? Why not take the easy option. Yet again my opinion is totally disregarded 😁

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 05/01/2017 20:09

OP I'd really leave him and have a bit of a breather.

He's currently doing everything to suit himself to make his life comfortable. You need to keep your son and yourself safe.

He needs to step up and parent his child. His ds might actually respond positively to having his father full attention for a while.

Blackbird82 · 05/01/2017 20:14

I would leave too. I couldn't cope with that. Sure your stepson must have major abandonment issues with regards to his Mum but ultimately this is not your problem to deal with.

A difficult situation but for the sake of yours and your sons wellbeing, I would remove yourself from the situation. If you can go and stay at your parents then definitely do so.

I'm not sure what to advise long term, sorry.

tribpot · 05/01/2017 20:14

Yet again he is prioritising what absolves him from the maximum amount of childcare. He's not going to get this until you leave.

MagicChanges · 05/01/2017 20:51

Oh how I feel for you. I'm a SP but they're grown up thank god and they never lived with us. I don't think you are in any doubt that you ss is a very disturbed child and that's not of your doing - it sounds like he has never been wanted by his mother (and you have to wonder what his dad doing to compensate for this rejection.............) was there something about the child being looked after by his granny and then mom decides she doesn't want him............and you are having to pick up the pieces for all this. Obviously the child is hurting like mad and can't process the feelings of rejection and abandonment, and is insanely jealous of the new baby and in his eyes "mothers" are no good - they don't want you - and you're a "mother" so you're no good either................and you love the baby and not him. Sorry I'm not criticising I'm para phrasing what your ss is thinking.

Like many others I think the your DP is not being fair -at all - him and his mom have screwed up their child and now you are left to sort it out. Someone has mentioned the book "Parenting the Hurt Child" and it is an excellent book and used a lot by adopters, but if I read you correctly you don't want to "parent the hurt child" and why would you. IF your partner's attitude was different, if he was prepared to exercise care and control over his son and support you in your endeavours to cope with the child, maybe you would feel differently, but he's just sticking his head in the sand and making stupid excuses for his son's behaviour. I hate to say this but things are only going to get worse because if a child is messed up emotionally in his formative years (especially the first 3 years) that will cause problems to a greater or lesser extent, often through the lifespan.

CAMHS are unlikely to be much help. I'm a retired social worker and I worked extensively with foster carers and adopters who were coping with the sorts of behaviours you describe, perpetrated on them by their birth parents. Many fell under the pressure. I saw marriages break up, birth kids leaving home, mental health problems in one or both of the parents.

I agree with others that there is no way DP will want to end the r/ship if you cannot cope with his son. Sounds like he wants to be away from him as much as possible with this job. Someone asked about your housing - are you renting, or mortgaged. I think if you could afford it the best thing would be for you to leave DP and his son because (and please don't take this the wrong way) it isn't good for you or the 4 year old the way things are. He can't cope with having to compete with a baby and I hate to say this but there is a real danger that he could hurt the baby in an unguarded moment. DP and his ex need to take urgently about the child and make a decision about his care.

SO - if the only place you can go is your mother, then so be it - OR you stay and things carry on the way they are...............sorry it's tough I know. Look I might have this wrong but you don't sound like you are a very assertive person. I think with a DP like yours, you need to be assertive - seems he gets all his own way. You need to start standing up to him and laying down some ground rules.

Look after yourself too - and don't feel bad - I know that one - I had a terrible time with my SD and I used to feel like a monster for feeling so horrible towards a little girl, and a pretty one with long hair too!! I hid it but it almost cost us our relationship.

Sillyface29 · 05/01/2017 21:37

I've just ordered the book :)
Can I just ask if CAHMS won't do much what do you suggest we do? Is there other options, would it be through GP?

OP posts:
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