New baby, space is tight. very long. and somewhat boring. But i feel better now!

[swift1]

Hi everyone,

I have 2dsc, 1dd and am 5 months pg. I am starting to stress over where we are going to put everyone, and I'm hoping people out there will help me relax about it.

We have a 3 bed house, the 3rd room being 7ft by 6ft. My dsc stay over 1 night every other w/e and then in hols etc. At the moment dsd has a camp bed put up for her in dd's room when she stays over. Dsd is 12 , dd is 3. Dss sleeps on a cabin bed that has been built into the small room.

The plan is that the small room will become the nbursery for the baby , as it was for dd1. The room is so small that you cannot fit a single bed in it, it has to built in over the stairs iyswim. And it is quite high, like a midsleeper, and so what we did was used the top as a baby change, as it was a perfect height, and for storing all the baby stuff, and the cot went opposite, There was no room to swing a cat, but back then it meant that dsc could share the bigger room.

Now, if we do the same with dd2 , the problem I cannot keep off my mind is where do we put dss? Dh wants to keep the mattress and duvet on the cabin bed so he can sleep there when hes here, and just push it up against the wall when hes not.

I absolutely hate this idea. To me, it is the babys room and I donot want anyone in there , at all. My step children, my own daughter, even me. Its my babys room. I want to be able to do little things to make it my babys like put the baby pics on the wall and the toy hammock, and not have to see a massive mattress and duvet up against the wall everytime i go in there. I just want it to be perfect for my baby, just while he/she is a baby.

Im thinking cant dss sleep on a blow up bed in with dd and dsd? I know its not ideal, but its only every other w/e. But Dh doesnt think its right thats heshould sleep on a blow up bed. Also I keep thinking that the cabin bed was full of stuff when dd was in there, and we will have to remove all that and out it where exactly, on our small landing for everyon e to trip over? THe baby will be in with us for 6 mths anyway so the room will just be used for all its stuff and nappy changes and baths. But after that I dont want to think I have to rush in everytime the baby cries incase it wakes up dss.

THe other option is that dsc no longer stay over. THey only live a few miles away so instead of havin coming every other w/e sat to sund, we could see the, every weekend, one time for the sat and the next week the sund, and take them back at the end of the day. In some wasy this seems better as we would actaully get to see them more, and all the stress completely disapperars, but I don tknow how they would feel abou tthis. Does anyone have comtact arrangements like this, how does it work out?

It really is stressing me out, and I keep thinking am I just letting my pg hormones rule my life, and that its not that big a deal. Its only one night a fortnight . But then I keep thinking that when the baby comes I can see myself crying adn stressing and going completely over the top about all of this, and making it into a massivce deal.

What does everyoone think, am I going mad. DO i have too much time on my hands to be thinking about all of this. I hope somemone can understand cos to me its a big deal, rightly or wrongly. I just want it all to be perfect for my baby , like it was for dd1, I cant see the problem in dss sleeping on a blow up bed. If we had the money for a room for each for them, and a permanaent bed when they came then we would do it, but we dont, we just have to make do.

Please someone help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel better just for writing all that.

Why couldn't you put the mattress and duvet on your bedroom floor or the girls bedroom floor?

You could keep it under your bed or in the loft/garage/rolled up somewhere out of the way when DSS is not there.

Your DH needs to be practical - if your DSS is in with the baby, he'll be very disturbed in the early days.

Thanks dejags for your response... there isnt enough room in either room for the matress on the floor, there would be for a smaller blow up bed though. I did ythik about storing the mattress in the garage, but iis anormal single bed mattress, i dont think dh will like th idea of lugging up and own the stairs every fortnight, but i as worried it would go damp.

THabk you Anemiac, Im not sure Im being reasonable either, i just cant get if off my bloody mind!

DSS is 8 and goes to bed about 9 so lounge not feasable unless we want to go to bed at 9 too!

Its not really an issue of where to put the camp bed, unfortunately there is no room for another camp bed, it would have to be an inflatable, which is easy to store, do you think im beinmg unreasonable expecting dss to sleepon that?

How about if he camps in with us, is that normal or not. It is only one night.

God its driving me mad i wish i could just let it go.

Ok, I too think you have to let go of the idea of a nursery exclusively for your new baby's use. And, it will upset your step children if they are evicted in favour of your new baby, that's a no-brainer for me, they have to feel just as valued as a baby, who quite frankly, isn't going to care where it sleeps. And, not using the tiny room as a bedroom whilst your aby is in with you is daft, IMO.

You have a few options, I think:

baby sleeps in nursery, but moves in with you when dss is staying.

all 3 older children sleep in dd's room when staying (bunk beds for girls, camp bed for boy)

Boy sleeps in living room (you'll have to spend evenings in the kitchen once he's gone to bed)

Boy sleeps in your room, and you and dh sleep in sitting room (sofabed)

another idea: presumably your bedroom is the biggest? Is the second bedroom big enough for a double bed and some furniture?

Swap bedrooms with dd, so her room is big enough to accommodate all 3 children when the sc come to stay.

do you have a dining room you could temporarily turn into a bedroom for ss?

When I was a child there were 7 of us living in a small 3 bed terrace (2 parents 4 kids and an aupair, who had her own room, naturally). There MUST be something you can do that doesn't involve your sc NOT staying over with their dad.

My house sounds exactly like yours (including the cabin bed built in over the stairs). If it is exactly the same design, I really undersand your predicament. When dd was in our main bedroon, the only way to fit the cot in was to block one side of the bed so I had to climb into bed over the foot of the bed and forget about a changing table. The second bedroom is not that big and once you have put in bunk beds and a blow up bed, you have no place to stand.

But do you also have a big roof space. Can you get an architect/builder round to see if they can fit two bedrooms up there (because I am assuming that the third bedroom will have to turn into a flight of stairs). They might be able to come up with a solution that would enable you fit everyone in.

Good Luck

THanks for all your ideas -

I had the idea of bunk beds in dds room, and then dss could have the camp bed , problem solved, but dh doesnt want bunk beds in there as they are not used all the time, otherwise it wouldve been perfect.

We only have 2 rooms downstairs, the lounge which have the stairs in, and then you go through to the kitchen, so theres no even a room downstairs we can use.

We have thought about a loft conversion but we dont have the money - otherwaise we'd just move!!

Tissy - we were like that too,we had a 3 bed terrace growing up with my mum, dad, 3 sisters and a brother! We were able to cope.

I think Im just panicking about how bad Ithink its going to be, and worrying if I dont sort it now, it will be stressful. LIke Anemiac says theres bound to be a way. I must just let it go I know.

THanks everyone

Try talking to him again about the bunk beds. May come in useful if you do sleep overs for your dd when she gets a little older and when the baby is older they may well like to share a room.

Swift it sounds like you and I are in exactly the same position. My dss is 9, dsd is 7, dd is 2 and baby's due end of May. We too have a 3 bed house and I feel just the same as you about the 'nursery'; after all this is my house too and not just my husband's so I feel that my say should be just as valid as his. We're toying with the idea of a loft conversion but had no idea that if would cost so much so are desperately trying to re-mortgage. Short-term solution seems to be hiring a caravan and convincing the dsks that it's a real adventure sleeping in it!?! Either that or putting up a tent in the back garden.
It's a real minefield isn't it - I just wish that my dsks lived closer but they're 350 miles away so really need somewhere to sleep when they get here? Could baby go in with your dd when it's 6 months and dsd come in with you two? Horrid thought but one we're considering at the moment.
Good luck girl.

hey hun, we're kinda in that position at the moment, we have ds - 3, 2 dsk's (dsd - 11 and dss - 8) plus my little sister - 11 to stay for the week and we only have 2 bedrooms, the arrangement is ds and dss will share the room and the girls sleep on a blow up bed in the living room, they wanted to so they could watch tv (we have seperate dining room so lucky for us) it's not ideal but its what we've got.

I'm gonna buy bunk beds for the boys but also for when ds has friends over to stay but the girls prefer to stay in complete seperate room so they can have their own space

you've got to persuade dh about the bunk bed thing!

the top bunk can be used for "storage" when the sc aren't there- chucking toys up there to "tidy up" clothes waiting for ironing, jumbo bags of nappies etc. It's definitely the most sensible idea, and, as Crocodilekate has said, they would be useful for future sleep-overs or when new baby is old enough to go into a bed.

I do see you dilemma, but all your dss is going to see is this.

My stepmum gave my bedroom to her new baby and now I have to sleep on the floor/I'm not allowed to sleep at my dad's house.

agree with colditz. sorry

I didnt really look at it like that colditz. Do you think thats how he would feel? The room he sleeps in isnt 'his' room as such, in the fact that its still decorated in pink etc, and has washing and stuff in it, it really is used as the spare room, so I dont know if he really feels its 'his'.

But I certainley dont want him to feel rejected by us, especially cos weve got a new baby.

I just thought that maybe the non sleeping over, but getting to see us every week instead of every 2 weks might appeal to them. We could arrange to take them back at 8pm, and they go to bed with us at 9pm anyway. Also I wonder if dsd might start to get a bit fed up with having to share with dd. She does get up early and always wants dsd to play at 6.30am! Obviously I wounldnt suggest this if they lived hundreds of miles away, bu they live 10 mins away.Do you think I shouldnt even suggest it then?

At the end of the day we can muddle through, the most important thing is that everyone feels wanted and loved , and that a good time is had by all , I guess I have to give it up and realise we ahvre a small house!!!! thanks all!!

The mother may also feel that if you don't allow the children to sleep over, she is doing all the unsociable hours, and would never get a night out. Which isn't very fair, as the children are half your dp's. Even if they are asleep, they still need an adult there.

But I don't think you should suggest that they shouldn't sleep over. This really would feel like a rejection.

How would it have felt to you if your mother had had another baby and told you the baby was going to be given your room, so you had to sleep at grandma's? I know it's not the same, but your dp is their dad, they aren't just camping out as guests, they are his children.

I really think suggesting they stop sleeping over is a bad idea. That is definitely a rejection. Their dad's new children are allowed to sleep at his house and they aren't.

Bunk beds seems to be the ideal solution. Why on earth is your dh against it? Doesn't make sense to me.

We only have 2 bedrooms, so dd has to share with dsd when she's here. However, it was dsd's room first and when dd was on the way I was really careful not to make dsd feel like she'd been ousted. The room needed decorating anyway but I didn't dsd to feel like we'd only done it for the baby and hadn't bothered for her. I let her choose a new duvet cover and stickers to match for the wall and she had her half of the room decorated how she wanted. The other half I decorated how I wanted for the baby. So we were both happy.

We also opted to put them in the largest room and we have the smaller one, and now dd is older we've change the bed and cotbed for a bunk and it's fab. But just because dsd doesn't live with us, it doesn't mean it's dd's room and dsd just bunks in there when she's here. It's dsd's room too.

Oh dear, now I feel really bad. Ive never thought of any of the rooms as dsc's since or before dd has arrived.
Theyve always been our spare rooms, where people stay over, not just they dsc, we have a big family. We've always hung our washing in them (obviously not when theyre there) and use them to put all out junk in as most people use spare rooms for. Theyve never been designated 'child' spaces.
I have bought them kiddies duvets, and they have all their toys in the cupboards, but they never looked like childrens rooms,unless theyre there, and the small spare room doesnt now either.
Because the spare room gets used so rarely , we use it for our needs first and then accomodate the dsc around that.
LIke I said before, if we did have a big enough house to let them have their own room all the time, that would be great , but we just dont.
I will talk to dh again about bunks, I know the angle hes coming from ,why have dd sleeping under a bunk that will get used once a fortnight, but it reall y does feel like the ideal solution.

So, if the rooms have never been designated child spaces, why start now with the new baby?

I think your rooms need to be flexible enough to cope with any combination, and having an exclusive "nursery" just doesn't come into it, I'm afraid.

Get some bunk beds- you never know if the new baby is particularly noisy at night, dh might be grateful for an alternative place to kip once in a while