What 5 things do you most like about your SC going back to other parent? (lighthearted)

[Bumbleclat]

1.The room with the TV in being free
2.Not tidying up after her
3.No Minecraft youtube videos constantly in background
4.Being able to leave the house without countless debates on teeth brushing, suitable clothes wearing etc
5.Feeling comfortable at the dining table without having to endure irritatingly bad table manners and awkward conversation.
Roll on this evening

Imagine if you found a diary entry by your SC "5 things I don't like about my stepmum"... or just 5 things I don't like about my mum?

There is a big difference between ranting about your own biological children and complaining about your stepchildren.
Guess adopted parents aren't allowed to rant either?
A lot of step parents spend way more time caring for their stepchildren than the kids actual parents do BTW cannot is a great example of it.

I agree bananas I think in a lot of step parenting situations all the kindness and tolerance in the world won't help you if the kids decide to make things difficult for what ever reasons. I just count myself lucky DSD doesn't remember a time before me and loves me very much.

Being a step parent is the HARDEST job !!! Get a grip you sad cow!!!!!!

Try being a parent to a disabled child....

I'll give you 5 reasons ...

1. Never sleeping even if you drug your child with two separate drugs to endure sleep. They still wake at 2am and that is yours and their morning!!!!

1. Endless hospital appointments.

1. Bring so exhausted you just want to cry because you're child is just so ill.

1. Thinking about the future ... How are you going to carry your child When he is ill? Lift him? Change his nappy? Use a hoist ??? The only option!!!

1. Your child says mum...or dad .... Singing with no words but noise but you can hear the rhythm of the song.

He finishes a peg puzzle and you cry even though they are designed for a 1 year old not a nearly 8 year old!!!

I do honestly think you need to get a grip!!!! I've just spent 3 weeks in hospital with my child. So far he's had 2 days a school this year.! I'm struggling to feed him even though he has a gastrostomy but he cries when he sees the tube and doesn't want food!!!!

You are pathetic .... That is an understatement.... You love you're DH well you're DSD is part of him.... Physically and mentally and that won't change !!!

sad cow? Wow that is really harsh!

Ice that sounds absolutely, heartbreakingly tough. I'm almost in tears just reading about your child.

Just a wild thought, why don't we be compassionate to each other as parents? There many different forms of parenting, and yes I would count special needs and step parenting as particularly hard. I've done both.

NZ perhaps you are lucky, however you sound like a lovely SM! It is nice to know some step families do work.

Thanks NZ yep my boy is adamant that he only has one mum and one mum only Likewise, he can't remember what it was like 'before Mummy came'.

We're trying for a baby at the moment but if it doesn't work out I truly won't feel like I've missed out, regardless of what anyone might think. But I know that I'm a particularly lucky 'step' mum. Even in RL very few people understand me and my family but we don't care

However, having a baby would be a factor for adoption because I'd like the children to be full siblings in the eyes of the law. As it stands, I've nothing against it whatsoever but it would involve quite a lot of meetings and reports and we're so happy as we are that we not 100% sure if we want to 'rock the boat' for want of a better phrase.

cannot sounds like you have provided a very stable, loving home for your step son. Adoption might help to solidify what you have already, even if it is a bit of a trek?

Yes it's a definite maybe!

And thank you!

Icebearsaysno Get a grip you sad cow!!!!!! You are pathetic .... That is an understatement.... This is really just mean Im so sorry that your child is sick, that must be horrible for your entire family but there is no need to belittle others who are struggling too. In all honestly i think it would probably be harder to be the step mum of your poor little boy. Imagine being the step mum coping with all that list of yours knowing that the child is not yours and that their mum might stop you seeing them at any point but loving them all the same. As a step mum you might not even be able to visit the poor boy in the hospital if their mum said you weren't allowed, that would be even more heart breaking.

Thanks bananas I just hope when we get to DSDs teenage years it doesn't all get turned on its head.

Good luck cannot in whatever you decide to do re adoption and with TTC.

NZ - imagine being the step mum of your poor little boy and how hard it would be for the poor step mum - are you for real?

The vast majority of SPs will make sure any child that is not healthy had those issues are not welcome in the other household and contact is quickly lost with the NRP.

As a mother who has a sick child, and who has spent immeasurable time in hospital - believe me the parent who is there is invariably the mother, who is invariably single. Sick children put a strain on relationships that you can not comprehend unless you have been there. If the NRP visits - fellow parents in the same position stare in amazement.

If the NRP visits you can pretty well guarantee the new wife, DP will phone, text and generally interfere in the little time the NRP has with their child.

Post hospital the NRP, usually finds an excuse not to have their DC in the house - which usually stinks of the sodding new DP/wife not wanting to cope with the DC.

This is not a one off, go to any support group for sick kids and you will hear this scenario 80% of the time.

My recent trip to hospital, EX turned up on day of surgery, was supposed to stay in the hospital second night so I got a break - come 2300, I get a call, the evil new DP is struggling and he has to go home. Bollockless twat for falling for her crap and evil evil selfish bitch for doing it. ( times 6 and counting)

Being an SM is challenging but so are an awful lot of family scenarios.

You really think it would be harder to be a step mum to a sick child than a mum? I'm sorry I don't get that at all! I can't believe you posted that.

NZmonkey, my son has SN. I can't work as we currently have to home ed him because he can't cope at school. I fret and worry everyday about his future. Will he ever have a job? Be independent, happy? What will happen if /when DP or I die? I seem to spend my life fighting for financial help, educational support, medication he needs. I love him so much and it breaks my heart when I see him struggle. But if DP and I ever break up you think that it will be harder for his new partner? What a load of offensive shite. I really can't believe you could read Icebear's heartbreaking post and respond like that, fucking shameful.

Obviously icebears years of work, worry and struggle would all be a thing of the past if a step mum swooped in to save the day.

Sorry I ment in situations where the dad is the RP. Clearly not when the dad and step mum only have ever other weekend. Or don't have any contact at all in some cases.

Obviously icebears years of work, worry and struggle would all be a thing of the past if a step mum swooped in to save the day. I really don't mean this at all but in situations where the mum hasn't been there are all that time. Yes I am aware how completely rare they are and I'm ashamed to say that what lookluv says about the nrp in these kind of situations is probably true. But the nrp isn't always the dad. Granted I will definitely agree with anyone who points out that with a sick kids its even more likely to be the dad that checks out.

Oh and before anyone says it - I would not expect the SM to manage the illness - that would be up to their own father ( as is usually the case).

However, that does require a joint approach to all the children in the "blended family" and a sick DSc would require a bit more of their DFs time when living with them.

One excuse was - 6 weeks post hospital admission, DSC will not be able to walk far and we want to bike along the river, I do not want my DCS to miss out on our weekend walk - quite frankly eff off!

I am apoplectic at your arrogance and offensive comments.

Icebear - I get where you are coming from completely. We are down to 3 meds per day and a constant raised pulse rate whenever there is a vague cough sniffle or sneeze within a 10 mile radius of the house! Allegedly no more surgery for at least 2 yrs - but they said that last year and the year before and the year before!!!

'In all honesty I think it would probably be harder to be the stepmum of your little boy.'

That was your response to Icebear who had just posted about her struggles and who is clearly RP.

OK in 10 yrs of having a sick kid and 20 yrs as a childrens nurse - I have NEVER ONCE seen the single RP being the Dad.

Time to check out and create the perfect family - they get a second chance, the mother does not. Mine is intellectually intact and right now knows that invites to parties, sleepovers and contact with Dad in his new home and the new sibling are not as frequent as their younger dsib because of their illness - it is heartbreaking to watch and see the hurt in the eyes and know there is nothing you can do, because their DF is bollockless and their SM is quite frankly a bitch.

Bumbleclat I am with you. I totally know what you mean and that there was no nastiness in your post. But certain subjects are taboo and people are projecting. I am not a SM. and .

Wow the anti SM comments above are getting pretty bad.

I'll say this one last time, a lot of us, as shown in ALL the previous posts are having a tough time as parents. This may be for all sorts of reasons, special needs children, sick children, ExW being nasty to a SM, DSCs being mean to a SP, or as single parents an ExH and DP being selfish. It doesn't have to be a contest, it's hard for all of us.

I come to this forum to offload my frustrations at step parenting, and I very much hope that other step parents continue to use it too.

For me, step parenting is the hardest thing I've had to do, for a million reasons, one of which is Peppa sodding Pig! (lighthearted, before anyone takes offense). I can only imagine that being the actual parent of a child who is sick, or has SN, would be immeasurably harder. But I'm not in that situation, so have no first hand experience of how that would feel to compare. I don't have my own children, and never will, so I'll never find out either.

But just because other people have 'worse' situations, that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to find my own situation difficult, or let off steam about it on what is supposed to be a support board for step parents.

Could we all be a little kinder to each other perhaps, and recognise that everyone's struggles are unique and real to them, no matter how they compare to your own? And that not every SM on here is your ex's horrible new DP, the same as every NRP on here isn't the horrible ex-W that often gets portrayed. Most of us are just normal women trying to do our best in whatever situation we find ourselves in.

One of my best friends is a single mum of 4, hasn't worked for a number of years. I'm a mother of none with a stressful full time job that often drives me to tears. Our lives are totally different, but she's still able to sympathise with me after a horrendous day in work and say 'I don't know how you do it'. and I'm still able to recognise that being up all night with 2 non sleeping toddlers must be bloody soul destroying and say 'I don't know how you do it'. It isn't a competition.

I am now an SM, aswell as my DCS having an awful SM.

We can all let off steam but NZ monkey demonstrated such complete and utter arrogance and stupidity in her comments, it is breathtaking. I won't say ignorance because that implies she could learn but her follow up comments clearly demonstrate that she does not get it.

Her comments have made me see red - they are so offensive to anyone who deals with a sick kid.

One thing I love my DSCs fo,r is their time and patience with sick DC - the eldest 14 - has done some truly lovely things in the last six months, she can also be an absolute pain in the backside but that is kids for you. Nothing to do with their mother just kids!

1. Sex!
2. Walking to and from the bathroom without clothes!
3. Non child friendly tv/movies no matter what time it is!
4. Swearing like a sailor!
5. No homework!

We have 50/50 (apart from after school until we get home from work twice a week), and the nights the children are with their mum get very adult in our house

(I liked what I thought the thread was about, not trying to stir anything up) :)