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Original poster

What 5 things do you most like about your SC going back to other parent? (lighthearted)

98 replies

Bumbleclat · 23/10/2016 17:18

1.The room with the TV in being free
2.Not tidying up after her
3.No Minecraft youtube videos constantly in background
4.Being able to leave the house without countless debates on teeth brushing, suitable clothes wearing etc
5.Feeling comfortable at the dining table without having to endure irritatingly bad table manners and awkward conversation.
Roll on this evening Grin

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NickiFury · 23/10/2016 20:07

What a shit thread. And you wonder why step parents get a bad rap? Mind you, most kids are probably counting the minutes to get away back to their real homes too.

Chewingthecrud · 23/10/2016 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pizzapop · 23/10/2016 20:11

I imagine it's probably harder to be a stepchild than a step parent.

NickiFury · 23/10/2016 20:12

OP if you'd started and said your own DC and off to grandparents it would have been perfectly fine but one negative word about your step kids on here and you can't win.

Yes, this is true. And the reason for this is they're not your kids to slag off. Slag your own kids off. Not kids who probably never wanted you in their lives anyway but have to accommodate you and live with you because their parent chose you Hmm. Even worse will be the ones who like you though and think you like them, never knowing that you can come up with FIVE reasons to be happy they're out of your hair, so much so that you start a thread to get lots of other step parents to have a good time slagging their step kids off too.

HerOtherHalf · 23/10/2016 20:13

My wife has 5 kids from her 1st marriage. I don't think of them as step kids, simply kids that deserve unconditional love that I have a moral obligation to provide because I love their mother, the key word being unconditional. So I treat them as I do my own and how they view me is entirely up to them.

Somerville · 23/10/2016 20:14

I've never once seen a list of 5 things a parent loves about their DC going to their other parent thread on MN. Indeed quite the opposite - threads about DC going off to their other parent are usually posters asking for advice on how to cope emotionally because they miss them so much.

So the cries of double standards aren't accurate.

bloodymaria · 23/10/2016 20:14

we are doing THE HARDEST job in the world.

You really, really aren't. Awful thread.

NZmonkey · 23/10/2016 20:14

Oh welcome Nicki I guess you are back to beat another step mum with a virtual stick as always.

Funny though when DSDs mum comes to pick her up after 4 days DSD runs directly to me and either clings for dear life or begs me to his with her. And her mother is her best friend. Not the actions of a child counting the minutes to go back to mums house.

HoleyMoley2016 · 23/10/2016 20:15

Meh. I'm a mother and a stepmother. When we renovated our house the DSC's rooms were first to be done complete with fancy beds with slides and rope swings. I have made a huge effort to make them feel like this is their home too.

BUT in the same way that their half siblings, my biological children drive me batshit so do the DSC. It's a big ask to adjust yourself to being the mom of 2 to 4 every weekend when you just want to collapse. The mess. Good lord the mess. The DSC do not tidy and DH doesn't see it unless I point it out which is just tiresome for everyone. I don't enjoy having to pick up sodden towels off the bathroom floor every single time. And I'm with you on table manners. I'm not that fussy but it would be more appetising to set the dog a place at the table. Watching a 14 year old boy talk with his mouth full to the point of it spilling out and eat rice with his hands is just nauseating. I love him but I can't look at him while I eat or it puts me off my own food!

PetyrBaelish · 23/10/2016 20:17

There are lots of people here who send their children off to stay in an exp's house where there is a step parent present, and the idea that they might be so resentful toward their child is a big concern (and yes, publishing a list of all of the things you don't like about her comes across as resentful, even if that isn't how you meant it). I don't know why you expected this to go down well.

IDK if you have your own DC, but how would this feel if someone who they had to spend a lot of time with published a list about all of the reasons why they don't like being around your child? Pretty shit. Of course people are going to empathise with your step daughter or her mum over you.

NickiFury · 23/10/2016 20:18

Well someone has to NZ; there's just so many deeply unpleasant ones on this board.

And may I also point out that I only post on the really mean threads, just like this one, though I doubt you've bothered to notice that so keen are you to be able to slag other people's kid's off with impunity.

NickiFury · 23/10/2016 20:18

"we are doing THE HARDEST job in the world."

Grin what utter clap trap!

CannotEvenDeal · 23/10/2016 20:19

I don't understand how a light-hearted thread managed to spark so much rage on a Sunday evening Confused

NickiFury · 23/10/2016 20:20

Because it is mean that's why.

CannotEvenDeal · 23/10/2016 20:20

bloody and Nicki how many step kids do you each have?

NickiFury · 23/10/2016 20:22

None at present but I used to have two, my children are about to have a step mother, I had a step mother and my mother was a step mother.

Anything else?

CannotEvenDeal · 23/10/2016 20:23

No Grin

Feelingthelove · 23/10/2016 20:23

Bumbleclat.. just a quick post of support Smile

This post could easily have read 'top 5 things you love about sending your kids to their grandparents'

I personally enjoy:

  • Not picking up dirty clothes and wet towels from a pile on the floor, or just generally where they fell.
  • Doors not being slammed because clearly we need a GCSE in how to use a door handle.
  • Not having to worry about what she's eaten because she now no longer likes roast chicken or tomatoes despite liking them just a fortnight before.
  • Listening to DSS creeping down the stairs to find her tablet at 7am because she's not allowed to play on it all night.
  • Getting Netflix to myself while DP takes her home!
PetyrBaelish · 23/10/2016 20:25

And yes, get some bloody perspective - 'hardest job in the world', christ. You know there are parents on this board caring full time for special needs children, right? You have an extremely part-time mild annoyance, not the 'hardest job in the world'.

sleepachu · 23/10/2016 20:38

Not kids who probably never wanted you in their lives anyway but have to accommodate you and live with you because their parent chose you 

So all children, then?

breezybeach · 23/10/2016 20:41

My ds has a step mother . She means well and tries really hard I can see that . I am grateful for the time and affection she gives my sn son on his visits to them , especially as my Xh isn't exactly Superdad. She messages my son in between visits , involves him with his baby Half brother etc . I have also felt jealousy as well as gratitude at times . But I know I need to hold onto the bigger picture for my son .

I am a step mother myself of a fashion .. ( Although dp and I don't live together so I haven't had any " invasion of my home " issues) . We do weekends and outings and holidays with the our children. We are talking now about setting up home together later on but the logistics of our work , geography, finances , my sons special needs and his co parenting arrangements are what has prevented that so far .

I genuinely have grown over 2 and half years to love my dsc very much .
They do .. I hope .. Trust and like me and are very affectionate with me
I feel lucky .
Ds also likes , loves and trusts my DP and they have built up a real bond .

Their mother is an interesting piece of work ... Whenever I do something nice for them like buy Christmas and birthday presents or take them on outings I am accussed of buying them /grooming them/barging in on her family . So I do tear my hair out but for different reasons to op!!!

What I do know though .. 100 % is that they they are innocent children . As is my Ds .

I consider myself in the position .. Perhaps .. Of seeing both sides of the coin.

All I can say is if you get into a relationship or marry somebody with kids .. You get them and their kids . You don't and can't chose to love one without the other. It's just not possible .

Lunar your post hurt my heart . I can't bear the thought of being responsible for that in my dss or my Ds to feel that way . And I know sometimes when ds went to his grandparents when I spent time or accompanied DP on work trips when we were getting to know each other ( we both had terrible first marriages and neither wanted to rush and make another mistake ) he felt shut out possibly as it has been him and I since he was a baby .

I am sorry that happened to you .. That you felt hurt and shut out . I don't know how to post flowers on here else I would .

This thread reminds me just how vulnerable breakdown of a family can make our children and what a responsibity we have to them .

Op
My advice , if you and I were sharing a bottle of wine and you sought it is to let off steam to freinds in real life . Emotions run high on the mumsnet step parenting board ! Don't take it personally .
And to try
If you can
To see it through your dss eyes .. As we are the adults and they are the vulnerable children dealing with the very adult reality of divorce and blended families .

MrsRaymondReddington · 23/10/2016 20:43

I don't think the OP is asking what people dislike about their step kids! I don't think she meant it to be personal.

I totally understand the relief of having my own time back when they go back home, especially if they've been with us for a long time. I love them to bits and we always make sure they enjoy their time with us, but I enjoy the peace and quiet as much as they enjoy going back to Mum!

NZmonkey · 23/10/2016 22:07

Sorry Nicki you do have a point with your statement And may I also point out that I only post on the really mean threads you only post on what you precieve to be really mean threads. Do you ever post positive advise on other step parenting threads or even just a 'that's wonderful' when the odd really lovely thread comes up on here.... Its not just you though, I'm awaiting a few other familiar names to appear that tend to be even worse.

I've never slagged off DSD, mine is usually a DH or ex issue. DSD is the best part of being a step parent. I also don't consider anything OP said about her DSC to be slagging them off.

'hardest job in the world'. I however do disagree with this for exactly the point of this thread I get to give her back and have me time. I also can say to DH not my DD/ex not my problem when everything gets to much.

Wdigin2this · 23/10/2016 22:19

Steparenting is a bloody hard job, whatever you do or say can be criticised or pulled to pieces! So, if you're relieved when they go home (and I don't blame you) then isn't it better to have smiled and waved them off pleasantly, and then have a bit of a vent on MN, to relieve the tension?!
SM's are usually trying to do their best, they have all the shitty/normal/mundane stuff to do, but mostly don't get a say in matters which affect their lives directly.....give them a break!

breezybeach · 24/10/2016 00:25

No
We ... And I say this as a step mother and a mother to a child with a step mother .. We Don't NEED a Break half as much as our DC or DSc do

They are children
We are not

It' may be tough for us
It's far far far tougher for them