Do you as a step-parent ever communicate with the ex?

[Batboobs]

Been with my DP for years and I've never had any contact with the ex. She has never probed that deeply into in our relationship besides snooping on DP via social media, never shown any interest in the fact that we live together, that her child stays with us for long periods of time at her request (it's my house) etc.

Then when she found out we were expecting a child, she began to ask 101 questions. Wanted to have a 'meeting' with DP to discuss me, my other DC's, where we lived and a bunch of other things that were suddenly concerning her. DP refused as she is usually evasive and secretive about her own life, even at the expense of co parenting their child successfully.

It made me wonder how normal it is in a step-family set up for the step-parent and ex to have any contact? Half of her issues would be resolved if she met or spoke to me in person, it's something I would be willing to do, but not in a forced way.

I talk a lot to DP's ex and her partner. We do birthdays all together, and presents on Christmas Day. We have a homework whatsapp group so we're all on the same page re deadlines etc, and we have a holiday pics group to share pictures of the children. We always have a quick chat when collecting/dropping off the children.
We are Facebook friends and socialise together every now and then with their mutual friends (neither got the friends in the divorce so to speak)!
Fingers crossed it all stays this way (we've only been doing it for a year) and I'm not pretending we're perfect...but I think we all view each other as something like an extended family centred around the children.
DP and his ex do most of the communicating direct with each other, but channels are definitely open and easy between me and her as well.
Very lucky and grateful.

It's nice to hear some good stories here. I'm totally new to this and have recently met my new partners children. It has all gone really smoothly so far and they are lovely kids. We had been chatting and he suggested maybe I meet his ex just so we can chat and get any awkwardness out of the way. I was going to suggest it myself so was quite pleased we were on the same page. She has actually got in touch with me herself and we are going to meet for lunch and have a chat. She seems nice and hopefully it will help make things easier for both her and the kids.