Do you as a step-parent ever communicate with the ex?

[Batboobs]

Been with my DP for years and I've never had any contact with the ex. She has never probed that deeply into in our relationship besides snooping on DP via social media, never shown any interest in the fact that we live together, that her child stays with us for long periods of time at her request (it's my house) etc.

Then when she found out we were expecting a child, she began to ask 101 questions. Wanted to have a 'meeting' with DP to discuss me, my other DC's, where we lived and a bunch of other things that were suddenly concerning her. DP refused as she is usually evasive and secretive about her own life, even at the expense of co parenting their child successfully.

It made me wonder how normal it is in a step-family set up for the step-parent and ex to have any contact? Half of her issues would be resolved if she met or spoke to me in person, it's something I would be willing to do, but not in a forced way.

I am the EX and I do not want anything to do with or speak tothe woman , he currently lives with.

She phoned me once early on after I had found out about the affair ( was a prior family friend) to tell me that EX was in a multi storey car park and falling apart.

He had just picked up (10mins) the DCs then aged 4 and 2.

She was worried he was going to do something stupid and she was coming to save him. She lived a 70 min car drive away and would not tell me where he was.

She is a nasty, manipulative, sick ........, who thank fully is now never left alone with my DCS, as the emotional abuse she inflcited on them, was witnessed enough times by friends and family and EX made to sit down and acknowledge it. Amazing what a bit of video does for evidence.

She still ghost calls me and just seeing her number come up gives me palpitations.

I could not trust myself to be polite to her and I will not lower myself to her level by putting myself in the position, where I would feel the need to tell her what I think.

I would much rather have had an amicable relationship, where details of the children, coughs colds, issues could have been shared - but that is sadly not the case. I envy those of you who do - so much better for the kids and the adults involved.

I am quite good friends with my DSD's mum. I see her and my DSD even thought I've split from my DSD's dad who rarely sees her these days and didn't even send her an 18th birthday card and never ever contacts our young son.
We didn't always get on, but over the years have realised we both wanted the best for DSD even though we had different ways of going about it. We realised it worked much better if we communicated with each other about dates and any issues rather than relying on my now exH. So we've always managed to keep the lines of communication open, to try and show my DSD that it's possible to be friendly and grown up and make the kid's experience less fraught.

I have spoken to my DH ex half a dozen times in 8 years. We did meet early on at youngest DC birthday party. Have never even seen her new partner, who was the OM. She did want us all to play happy families a few times, but as she was being extremely difficult over the divorce, I wasnt inclined to go as wasnt sure I wouldnt have told her a few home truths!

Have no respect for the women or any faith in her parenting skills. If the situation arose in the future I am sure I would be able to be polite in her company.

No. Never seen her and wouldn't know her if I passed heron the street. She used to ph and text abuse on a regular basis and after over a year of it and multiple warnings I had to go to the police for it to stop. Now she legally cant contact me and my life is soooooo much easier.

I'm and Ex - and have met my ExHs GF a few times at first. Nothing planned, just in passing as I was dropping off our kid. That is probably the best way. I would have found it weird my child talking about her without ever having met her.

I am also a SM and met my DPs ExW a few times initially, and attended events, and couldn't understand why my DP didn't really like us being in the same room. Until she spectacularly turned against me and started slagging me off to the step children, so that they are funny with me now. Absolutely no reason. DP wasn't surprised.

Funnily enough, it was also when I was pregnant with DPs child... I think, like your DPs Ex OP that sometimes an ExW does not like it when you become a permanent fixture. ExW acted as if I was treading on her 'the mother' toes. Now I was also a mother of DPs children - and her place was challenged. It was like being on a David Attenborough programme... Sigh!

Eh No. She's a complete loony.

I can talk to dss's DM over text or messenger but in person not so much, a question that requires a yes or no answer will get you a 10minute monologue in response and I cant be arsed with it tbh.

My ex is now engaged and dh and I are off to the wedding, can't wait, they're a great couple!
She is lovely, awesome with dd, firm but fair so the same as me. She and ex will happily have my son with dh if needed and I often look after their wee boy. He is awesome too!

We have each others numbers and will text about little practicalities with the kids but I let most of it go through DP.

ive met her a couple of times... Awkward tbh but wanted the kids to see us as "getting on".

Ex has a GF but she is new so nothing with her yet. I would want to continue corresponding with my ex about ourDC though as it's worked so far till now. We have set plans so we don't need to communicate that often which works for me!

I don't think it's ever an easy relationship. I get on really well with my step sons mother. This hasn't always been the case but ultimately I was a stranger to her coming into her sons life. Now we communicate at pick up and drop off. Other communication if nessisary but it is a much more relaxed atmosphere for the child when everyone gets along.
Don't get me wrong I understand this isn't always possible and it took 3 years for us to get where we are

As the OW was making sure that my 3 dcc with my ex got not a penny of maintenance, although I had no income for the first 3 years after being left with a newborn , a 4 and a 6 year old , I hid when she came with him to pick them up. When my ex was having a triple bypass , I went to the hospital as my dd wanted me to. When his p saw me she broke into a screaming tirade attacking my eldest son who is severely LD. This was in a shared ward and other heart parents and their visitors were aghast. THis was her first and last chance to 'speak' to me. I left ASAP . Wd you believe she was a sw working with dcc with difficulties in the school system? I am glad she only had that one chance to ' speak' to me.

I have it both ways my exH comes to our house, has even stayed on occasion, (me and partner go away for weekend), but we don't have a good relationship with my OH ex who IMO is a jealous bitch who is constantly shitty with OH over absolutely everything and anything, and also IMO hasn't got great parenting skills anyway. I used to put up with stuff from her to keep things nice and calm but have recently had enough.

Yes we were friends at university. She pops over for coffee a fair bit. We do Sunday lunch, Christmas and big occasions together and when DSS was at home we went on holiday together

My ex, his fiancee, me and my partners are all on speaking terms, I have her and him on facebook etc but I don't really have any need to communicate with fiancé. Wouldn't mind her contacting me at all though. She seems nice. No idea what she is doing with xh

I met with my DP's exW recently and haven't even met his children yet (planned for end of August due to holidays). It was very important to all of us that a relationship was established and everyone was comfortable with the situation/each other. Luckily everything went well. He met my DDs last week for the first time after 6 months of 'dating' (we're taking things slowww as we're both unexplainably cautious), if my DDs dad was around he would have to have a relationship with him but unfortunately he's a twat (he has met DDs pat grandma though). Communication and relationships are very important to me, but obviously every situation (and every ex) is different.

Having an amicable relationship with his ex is a very beneficial thing in some ways, but if she's being difficult, don't get sucking into the drama that can occur. As a child of divorce myself, I know what can happen. It can get messy.

Have attempted to talk to her but it was worst experience ever
She is all self self self and was hostile to me until she found out I was pregnant and then just got vile because she knew that OH was committed to be. She even tried to get him back which I knew about because he showed me how ridiculous it was. Used step daughter against him aswell
She's contacted me various times I just ignore her, don't bother wasting my breath, have never refused to be in the same room as her because don't want step daughter to miss out but I am to avoid being near her at any point because she's just a vile woman

Nope. My life is too short for her crap.
Tried to be civil, but she's pulled out all the pyscho moves. Lied and told everyone I'd split up her happy family (DH had been seperated for 2 years cos he found her s*g latest boyfriend in their home). Then she tried to split us up-that was a blast, I had our newborn DS and ended up with PND. We have joint custody.
Since then her casual emotional neglect of DSD, and jealousy, getting DSD to keep secrets, trying to dictate to us how we live our lives, telling DH he shouldnt marry me cos I want right for him and her general lies.... 'oh can you have DSD again this weekend cos I'm going out on the lash' followed by her amazing parenting pictures on social media.
Since she's had a baby with current boyfriend, she's suddenly an amazing mother again and wants to change access arrangement. Never going to happen, 7 years too late.
I have tried texting her about DSD when she's upset-no response. I've tried talking to her-she called DH and accused me of having a 'strange man to visit while DH was at work' (it was my Dad visiting and I was helping ExW out with childcare that day)
Picking up the pieces and partly bringing up DSD and fully bringing up DS leaves me with no energy for the black hole of negativity and idiocy that she is.
Lifes too short!!

Must admit I have a great relationship with my ex partners and his new partner and I also my DH first wife and the mother of his child. We all speak and its all done for the good of the children. They are both grown up now but we have all gone to there school plays together, parents evenings, Birthdays and sports days. If someone couldn't attend we would make videos and share. If I was running late or needed to be somewhere I knew I could call on them for help. We worked together. We made sure the partners were as involved as the parents. It led to a happy relaxed time for the boys and they didn't feel as if they had to hate someone to keep another parent happy. If you can do it and it takes work and putting feelings aside then it does work

Must admit I have a great relationship with my ex partners and his new partner and I also my DH first wife and the mother of his child. We all speak and its all done for the good of the children. They are both grown up now but we have all gone to there school plays together, parents evenings, Birthdays and sports days. If someone couldn't attend we would make videos and share. If I was running late or needed to be somewhere I knew I could call on them for help. We worked together. We made sure the partners were as involved as the parents. It led to a happy relaxed time for the boys and they didn't feel as if they had to hate someone to keep another parent happy. If you can do it and it takes work and putting feelings aside then it does work

I have none.
I tried to be friendly in the beginning but she was so rude I gave up.
I banned her from the house in the end, I just couldn't take it anymore.
Its been years now and she's somewhat mellowed, but at most it's a tight smile and a 'hello' occasionally.

My husbands ex has access to my number for emergencies (through her parents who have to supervise her visitation). She has never contacted me using it. I have her parents numbers, again for emergencies and unused. My DH arranges any changes in visitation dates if they change from what we discussed at the last visitation.

We talk in as much as we exchange pleasantries when I drop DSS off for his visitation; how my parents are, the weather, the traffic. No more than that. I am present at all drop offs atm as she lives 2hrs away and both her and DH do not drive, so I play taxi.

I don't think either her nor I want/need any further contact. What we do have seems a little forced sometimes but not out of any real resentment, she's just a very private person, as am I.

No. I made an effort to be friends and we had loads in common but she has shown a horrible side and done horrible things so I have nothing to do with her. I am polite if we bump into her but that's it.

I have an if emergency break glass relationship with my dsd's mum. If it effects her it effects us both, we have each others numbers but don't use much. But I'd like to think we would be both celebrating her Future wedding together, for her sake :)

Nope zero contact and never will have contact, exw is a prober and snooper. been 8 years now.. I even had death threats in the beginning . As for my sc we get on fabulous love them to bits.

At first, my DP's ex was not my biggest fan, think it was just the fact of me as I'd never even met her at that point. And she would wind up DP and I'd have to deal with the fall out, so I wasn't wild about her either. But 3 years down the line, it's all calmed down, if she drops the kids off I'll offer her tea, I have her number but we only talk if it's about the children - swapping days or picking the kids up from school or having them an extra night etc - but it's handy that we can communicate directly.

In my (albeit limited) experience, to be able to be civil makes the world of difference and it does the kids good too. They see us all getting on and feel much more comfortable that way, my step mum hates my mum and that made things awkward for me as I wasn't even allowed to mention her existence. So i'm happy we've created a workable relationship for the sake of the kids. But we're also lucky that none of us are nightmares like my step mum is and I know that not everyone is as lucky. If you can find a way to meet her and be civil, I'd recommend it.