Life insurance and ex wife

[FaithLoveandHope]

Hi all, my company offers a sort of life insurance scheme where if we die whilst employed there our beneficiary gets x times our salary. I was wondering if I leave it to DP, would his ex wife be able to claim some? DP mentioned before if he got any inheritance she could technically apply to court for a percentage of it as they've not filled out the relevant financial separation form (I don't know what it's called) as it cost £500 and at the time of their divorce it didn't seem necessary he said.
Also what happens if I die so DP gets the money and then before he's spent any / most of it he dies? Does it all just go to whoever he has down? Which would be his daughter. In the nicest possible way I don't want his ex wife getting her hands on any of my money nor do I want my money going to DP's DD if we both died.

I'm the same Faith...no DCs of my own, but OH has one from a previous marriage. I'm well covered if I die, and I'm happy for him to have the money, but I don't want it then passed onto his child if anything happens to him, I want it to go back to my nieces. Still not quite worked out how to achieve this but will be looking into setting up some sort of trust. If he were to die first, I'm happy for his child to have everything of his, I'd be ok financially, but when it comes to money that has "originated" from me, I feel strongly that whatever eventually remains ends up where I choose, which is with my nieces and not my stepchild. Must make a will.....

i think wait until you have your own dc and leave everything to them.

late I appreciate your viewpoint but your situation sounds very different. You're adopting your DSS which suggests Mum isn't on the scene. DP's DD has two parents looking after her and providing for her. Yes I enjoy spending time with her, I care a lot about her but at the end of the day if DP and I ever split up (though of course I hope we don't) I probably would never see her again. I'm not saying you're wrong, just that your situation sounds very different. She's 4 at the moment. I do take what you say about it being upsetting her losing me from her life though and it's something to consider. As I said it's difficult for me to put myself in her shoes since it's not a situation I've ever been in nor were any of my friends.

I'm torn in all honesty. On the one hand I would hate for her to feel pushed out and when others suggest they don't want their money being spent on their DSC I think it sounds horrible. On the other hand I think in the back of my mind there's the fear of getting close to her, treating her the same as my own DC (if I had them) and then having it all taken away if DP decided he no longer wanted to be with me. I was with somebody before who had a DC, I got really close to his DC and then when we split up it was awful. I know that's my own issue though and there's nothing DP or his DD can do to change that, I just need to work through it on my own and start learning to trust the positive (i.e. the positive way our relationship is going).

Hi Faith it's true, my dss' mum isn't around so you are right in that respect. She was on/off when he was very small though.

I think it's such a shame that you lost contact with your exp's dc and that is likely a root of the issue. Maybe speak to your dp about what might happen in the future. I have invested a great deal in my dss and even before dh and I got married and we eventually got residency and I got pr, we did have a conversation about how things would work if we did split up and he always swore that he wouldn't ever keep dss from me... I knew that anyway but it did feel good to hear that as dss and I became very close to each other very quickly. Poss as a result of his mum essentially abandoning him... Anyway, for us the adoption is the natural next step so I do appreciate your point, it is really different.

Maybe have a conversation with dp. Does he know what happened with your exp/dc?

It's fine not to want things to be left to your DPs Ex or your DSCs - I wouldn't expect my step parents to leave me their share of anything, doesn't make them any less compassionate to me.

But it is good to think of these things. I am in the same position. It's so hard to be honest and upfront. I'm a stay at home mum with my DPs child, and he earns, there will be a claim for anything from his kids/Ex and I'm in a very vulnerable position.