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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Life insurance and ex wife

30 replies

FaithLoveandHope · 23/03/2016 12:36

Hi all, my company offers a sort of life insurance scheme where if we die whilst employed there our beneficiary gets x times our salary. I was wondering if I leave it to DP, would his ex wife be able to claim some? DP mentioned before if he got any inheritance she could technically apply to court for a percentage of it as they've not filled out the relevant financial separation form (I don't know what it's called) as it cost £500 and at the time of their divorce it didn't seem necessary he said.
Also what happens if I die so DP gets the money and then before he's spent any / most of it he dies? Does it all just go to whoever he has down? Which would be his daughter. In the nicest possible way I don't want his ex wife getting her hands on any of my money nor do I want my money going to DP's DD if we both died.

OP posts:

MeridianB · 23/03/2016 13:19

We have been through a similar thing. We got a solicitor to sort it all out in the wills. So my assets do not pass to DSD if DH and I die together or if I die first.

A good solicitor should help. Try one who is a member of STEP if you can.

Bluelilies · 23/03/2016 15:37

Do you have your own children? If so, why not just leave your life insurance and money in a will to them?

If you don't who do you want to leave your money to?

If your DP isn't reliant on your financially, then I don't think you've any obligation to leave it to him, especially if he hasn't fully untangled his finances from his ex wife's. I don't quite understand how that works - I thought you couldn't be granted the final part of a divorce until you had settled your finances. So she shouldn't have any claim on his money unless either he's not really fully divorced, or his ex has a spousal maintenance award - which can indeed be varied at any time to give her access to extra money if he comes into it (or theoretcially he could claim from her too I think)

Original poster

FaithLoveandHope · 23/03/2016 16:53

No DC's of my own yet. She doesn't get spousal maintenance but he said it works both ways, if she suddenly came into lots of money he could make a claim - even though he never would the potential is there. He said whoever is trying to claim would have to take the other to court and they'd have to have good reason but there's absolutely no way I'd want to risk it! It's currently all going to my parents. DP and I are not financially dependent on each other but I'd like some of it to go to him as we're in a committed relationship and if I can make things easier for him if I were to die then I'd love to - but not if there's even the smallest risk his ex wife will get money from it!

OP posts:

Lunar1 · 23/03/2016 18:04

If you also wouldn't want dp's dd to benefit from you money then your best off not leaving any to him, I imagine anything he has he will leave to his dd so she would ultimately get it. You can always amend it if you have children or if your feelings change.

littlewoollypervert · 23/03/2016 18:08

Have a chat to work about the life insurance, they might be able to advise you on it.
Is it part of your pension scheme? If it works like Ireland, then you can put a Letter of Wishes or equivalent on file to direct who the money is to go to. The Letter of Wishes is not 100% binding on the payout - so if you draft it, then your circumstances change, your employer may be able to choose who to pay it to
(e.g. letter says it's to go to your DP, you split up but don't change the letter, your employer pays it to your parents instead)

Original poster

FaithLoveandHope · 23/03/2016 18:32

little yes I can put in a wishes form which is what we all had to do on joining and that's when I put my parents down. It's more the issue of his ex wife claiming it that I'm bothered about.
Lunar I wouldn't want his DD having it because she already has two parents.

Maybe I'll just change it if we have DC. Apparently if we have DC I can do a thing where DP can access it as soon as I did but if he dies too it'd go to my DC but I don't know if I can put that stipulation in for my parents.

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 23/03/2016 18:36

I have life insurance and my exH is named as the beneficiary because I know 100% that he would use it to benefit our DC. He has the same for me. But that's because we have a very friendly and amicable relationship - we often joke we are worth more to each other dead than alive at least I'm joking

Original poster

FaithLoveandHope · 23/03/2016 18:36

Just spoken to him about it and he said they haven't signed a clean break order so technically she could claim. He said he would sign it before it got to that point but at the end of the day I could pop my clogs tomorrow so fuck it, I'm not changing it.

OP posts:

Original poster

FaithLoveandHope · 23/03/2016 18:37

bit I'm glad you can trust your ex. DP's is down to go to his DD for when she's 18 as his ex would spend it all now on useless rubbish.

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 23/03/2016 18:46

Yes I guess I would change mine once the DC are both 18. But in the meantime I trust him implicitly (and he has proven that trust to be well placed)

MeridianB · 24/03/2016 07:39

Why would anyone want that sort of connection/threat hanging over them with an ex?

I'd say it's 500 quid well spent to make the clean break. But that still leaves the issue of any money you leave to your DP ending up with his DD. It depends how strongly you feel.

FiveSixPickUpSticks · 24/03/2016 07:44

They need to get a financial order. It is really important.

Original poster

FaithLoveandHope · 24/03/2016 07:44

I've no idea Meridian I could speculate but in truth I'm not sure. I'd feel more comfortable his DD getting it if it meant under no circumstances could his ex. Though as soon as we have children it's going straight to them. But until he gets the clean break order under no uncertain terms am I changing it / buying a house / making any sort of financial ties to him!

OP posts:

Fourormore · 24/03/2016 13:23

My understanding is that even if they sign a clean break order, she could still make a Schedule 1 (?) claim under the Children's Act.

Bluelilies · 24/03/2016 13:29

That would be for child support though four which wouldn't give her any capital, or of the OP's earnings

FiveSixPickUpSticks · 24/03/2016 13:32

My understanding is that even if they sign a clean break order, she could still make a Schedule 1 (?) claim under the Children's Act.

Only on her ex death I believe. It would have to be the case for the DC and their needs not the ex.

Without the clean break though he could win the lottery etc and she still come back for her.

cannotlogin · 24/03/2016 15:05

why has he not completed the necessary legal proceedings with his ex to ensure that this kind of thing isn't an issue? It is absolutely foolish to ignore it and potentially could cost him a small fortune should something happen in the future.

If you are in this for the long term, you really should ensure that he completes the financial side of the divorce so that your own future is absolutely secure. It is foolish to let it slide in anything but the short term.

Original poster

FaithLoveandHope · 24/03/2016 15:21

So if I died and then DP died shortly after she'd be able to claim some of my money based on the fact she needs child support even if they've signed a clean break?

cannot he's already well aware I'm not buying a house with him until he does it or changing over my works life insurance policy. I wished he'd just do it tbh but it seems to be a no go topic if I ever bring it up :S

OP posts:

Bluelilies · 24/03/2016 15:44

So if I died and then DP died shortly after she'd be able to claim some of my money based on the fact she needs child support even if they've signed a clean break?

I think she could always do that if your DP makes a will that fails to provide for the costs of bringing up his DD. She could contest a will if it left it all in trust to his DD but gave her no access to it to support her DD whilst she was growing up.

Original poster

FaithLoveandHope · 24/03/2016 15:51

But then realistically how much would that be? I think we need to sit down at some point and have a proper conversation about it. His justification at the moment for not leaving her any is because she'd end up spending it on rubbish rather than their DD and wouldn't make it last the length of time until their DD is 18. I don't know what the solution is tbh but it does make me question how he'd feel if we had children together. Would he still leave it all to his DD, would he leave it split to our DC and his DD but again only accessible until the 18 leaving me up shit creek. My job is fine at the moment but if we had DC and he died I'd be stuffed trying to pay the bills and childcare!

OP posts:

Original poster

FaithLoveandHope · 24/03/2016 15:53

Until they're 18

OP posts:

Fourormore · 24/03/2016 15:53

Perhaps ask on the Legal Matters board - there are people on there that are familiar with these scenarios.

Bluelilies · 24/03/2016 16:03

I think he can leave money in trust and ask the trustees you pay out at a similar level to what he's paying now. That's what my DH has done with me and his sister named as trustees. His ex would have to come to us if she needed any extra for things for the kids whilst they were still young. But he might need to ask a solicitor.

The odds on you and then your DP both dying before DSD if grown up have got to be pretty low though

Original poster

FaithLoveandHope · 25/03/2016 15:47

I've been thinking about this more and I'm not sure what I think in terms of DP's DD inheriting my money. I am trying to put myself in her place but I have no idea as I have never been there. As it stands (and I'm fully aware things may change as she grows older) she doesn't seem to distinguish between DP and I in the sense that she always includes me in things and just assumes I'll be with her if her dad is (e.g. she's recently started a weekly class which requires a parent to stay with her, she wanted and assumed I would go with her as well as her Dad). If I were to die after having DC and only left my money to the my DC I would hate for her to feel pushed out and like she means less to me than my own DC. I don't know though, am I over thinking it? What do others think?

OP posts:

lateforeverything · 25/03/2016 18:26

Hi Faith I think that it says a lot that your dsd includes you in things etc. I do see what you mean about your dp's ew trying to getting her hands on your money (that would make my stomach turn too!) but tbh I thought your comment about not wanting dsd to have it 'because she already has two parents' was a tad harsh

I'm really close to my 12yo dss and this year I'm going to apply to adopt him. I don't have any dc but if I did then everything would be split equally. If not, I would leave him everything. I've been in his life since he was 2 and personally can't imagine it any other way. However, until the adoption (hopefully!) goes through, I would leave the money to my mum or sister to look after for him.

I'm glad that you're reconsidering because it's true- losing you from her life would be upsetting enough and to then discover that she was cut out completely (for whatever reason) would be bound to have a lasting effect on dsd... How old is she?

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