Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

good old maintenance!!!

32 replies

lookluv · 02/01/2016 21:51

I have 2 DCs with Ex - whom he says once in a blue bloody moon, ie, less than 15 ONs per annum and sees them 2-3 hrs per week max but not every week. Has taken them on holiday for one week twice in 3 yrs.

We calculate maintenance on the basis of the lowest contact rate, then he makes up his own lower figure!!!

He went off had a relationship and another child. This relationship has now ended and he is having said child 3 days one week/ 4 days the next. ( sharp learning curve in the practicalities of being a single parent!!!)

His second EX is now calculating her maintenance on the basis that she has his DC 174 days per annum.

So she thinks the whole 12 % for one child, 16 % for two and 22% for 3 should be divided by her having 15% and me 8%. She is a class act!!

Anyone have any idea how this would be worked out?

Personally have given up expecting him to be a decent father to his two eldest DCs, either financially or emotionally. But I am buggered if I am going to take an even bigger cut in what little he gives for his parental responsibility, when I do 350 days of parenting per annum for two and she does 174 for one. They are in mediation at the moment, which I am not allowed to be party of or influence the financial decisions. Their first financial plan had EX providing nothing for my 7 and 4 yr old and all maintenance going to his 2 yr old, on the basis that the youngest had the most growing up to do.

Yes they both deserved each other - twunts does not come into it!!!

anyone have any experience of this situation - many thanks

OP posts:
Kitchencrayon · 25/01/2016 08:28

Also recommending the CMS..as the daughter of someone who did similar to what your ex is doing. The monies due aren't to fund your lifestyle, but his children's. It's not being fair on them to see their mother having to provide everything.

Whatever happens, he's going to be the a-hole he is, and you are effectively trying to buy his niceness to his own children. Whatever happens, that strategy is unlikely to work in the long term, because, as you say, he's not exactly got any scruples! At the end of the day he'll be horrible to them AND not contributing financially.

If you're uncomfortable with relying on/taking the money from him, put it into funds for a deposit on your kids' first homes, or uni..or to use for a fabulous wedding or whatever else.

You can't buy his kindness to his children.

lookluv · 26/01/2016 20:07

An up date - mine can stay the same as before £200pcm - I think I was supposed to be grateful!! ( because I have managed so far) and she gets the remainder up to the 22%!

Thanks for all the advice - still undecided what I will do!

OP posts:
FaithLoveandHope · 26/01/2016 20:17

look that doesn't seem right at all! Obviously it depends on his pension contributions but even assuming he earns 100,000 and pays 20% of his salary in pension contributions you're still entitled to over 200 per week rather than pcm! I'd definitely go through the CMS. You've got nothing to lose really.

MytwinisMilaKunis · 26/01/2016 20:18

He is giving you just over 15% of what you are entitled to. He is a dead beat Dad. Why the f are you accepting that? You cannot raise a child on £25 a week. Why are you enabling his bad behaviour? He still has 99% of his salary for himself.

Borninthe60s · 26/01/2016 20:27

Please go to CMS X

lunar1 · 26/01/2016 20:43

You really need to go to cms.

justaworriedguy · 04/02/2016 11:06

Not sure if my contribution is helpful. I have 2 step kids and three kids of my own. I earn £85k and pay £830 per month for the 2 kids that live with my ex (the other is now at university).

We did this as a private arrangement but it was based on CSA numbers. The other posters are right - he should be paying a lot more.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page