DH has just been told by DSD that mummy is getting her ears pierced for her 10th birthday. There is nothing horrendously wrong with ear piercing at this age, however DSD has very poor personal hygiene for her age. She cannot clean her teeth properly, her pants are constantly soiled and she somehow seems to get more food in her hair than her mouth!As such DH is rightly concerned that her ears will become infected. The concern is that where DH was always very clear that he felt 12/13 was a more appropriate age and during their marriage his exW was openly sneery about children with pierced ears this is his exW trying yet again to provoke a reaction.
This is the latest in a loooooong string of incidents that he feels are intended to create a reaction in which his exW can then create a "bad daddy" atmosphere and further alienate the DSC from DH (and in turn myself). He knows that any objection will be used against him, no matter how real his concern for DSD.
In the past the children have moved house and school twice (both inter-year) without DH being even consulted, let alone asked for an opinion on the schools she chose. There is clear evidence (all documented) of emotional abuse/neglect from the exW and latterly her new partner, who has also allegedly smacked and kicked DSS.
DH is at his wits end, the SS want to wade in but the fear is that the DSC will be coached further and their mother will ramp up her emotional blackmail ("I get really sad and cry when you are at daddy's house" etc) which she has done in the past. When we took her to court for a contact agreement DSD would spend weekends here sobbing, picking her finger and toenails until they bled (or were removed entirely) and clutching a photograph of her mother, complete with a loving message on the back about how much mummy was missing her. DH is worried that the emotional impact of doing something will be just as bad as not. DSD is a neurotic mess who listens at doors and runs between the houses telling often fantastical stories which are clearly designed to provoke a reaction. We cannot blame her, she is so insecure and this creates an interest in what she has to say, but it does make the atmosphere between the houses even more strained than usual. Especially when whatever she tells her mother is taken literally.
DH is now on antidepressants and about to start counselling, but every time he has a vile email/text from his exW or her partner (weekly, often daily) he starts to shake with anxiety. He is exhausted from having to constantly second guess what his exW is going to do next in her seemingly endless barrage of abuse and mental headfuckery. She constantly contradicts herself which leaves DH questioning his sanity. It is badly affecting our marriage, the stress has made me so ill that I have been unable to work for nearly 3 years. Finances are drained by us only having one very sporadic income. What the hell do we do??? We simply cannot afford court and mediation would be pointless as the exW is a master at manipulating and seems to believe herself above the law - she lied to a ridiculous extent last time she was in court and it destroyed DH's confidence in the family courts.