Step Daughter what's the hange her surname

[Jadebarnes1989]

our 7 year old step daughter has decided that she wants to change her surname from her Dads and add her step dads surname on the end.
This is obviously a very difficult thing to comprehend for my husband. She has got half sisters at her mums who will all have the same surname as her mum and step dad and the same at our house she has a brother and another one on the way with our surname.
I would never consider letting my sons change there surnames if we were to ever split, he is there dad, just like I would of never considered changing my surname from my fathers even though I have a very close relationship to my step dad.
This is just another thing that brings us crashing down to earth and to be reminded of how difficult it is to be a split family. We both find it very difficult and in a perfect world we would love to have her here all the time.
Our first reaction is to refuse however this isn't the type of relationship we both want to have between all of us parents and with our daughter. I just wanted to see what other people's views or expierence are on this, I find it very helpful to hear other people's sides and consider things that I hadn't before.
Thank you very much

No, I still think the best solution is the Spanish way. Children have one surname from each parent and no one ever changes their name. With blended families there would be different name combinations but they would have one or more names in common.

From another perspective. In france you only have the right to use your ex husbands name after the divorce if he agrees to it. Mine of course didn't.

My eldest is attached to her name which is her dads. My youngest calls herself by her dads name, my name and her step dads. So triple barreled.
In a place we spend a lot of time but where my ex is unknown they are known by my surname.

Here it is pretty much impossible to get your name changed except via marriage. But when they are older they could choose a "usage" name.

I kind of like your daughters solution. She is part of 2 families and if this makes her feel like less of a spare part I think it's a great solution.

If she wants to double barrel I think that's fair enough, to feel part of both families it's not like she's dumping her dad's name just adding to it.
I was going to say she's too young to make such a big decision but on second thoughts when my mum remarried when I was 5 she asked me if I wanted to change my name and I immediately said no, I knew I wanted to keep the name I had, double barrel mums maiden name and dads name.
I didn't change my name when I married partly because it seems old fashioned and unnecessary to do so and partly because I don't want to share a name with dh and dss leaving my ds being the only one in the house with a different name. (He's got his dad's surname). If I ever have any more dc I will give them my name not my dh.

our 7 year old step daughter has decided that she wants to change her surname from her Dads and add her step dads surname on the end.

I'm a bit confused by this from the OP, I originally read it as the daughter not wanting to double-barrel surnames but drop her dad's name altogether (i.e. change her surname from her dad's). If it's double barrelling I'd see less of an issue, but dropping it altogether wouldn't be right until she's older.

My ds is 7 and recently asked to change his name to mine. It turned out it was so he could feel like part of the family. I reiterated that he is no less a part of the family with a different name and that a name us meaningless. I think at 7 identity becomes important as children find themselves. I left it with "we'll see when you're older if you still want to change it" and he was happy with that.

My DSD asked us around the same age if she could change her surname to sf's name as she wanted to have the same name as her mum..Dh was very much involved and didn't agree.Firstly if DSD felt uncomfortable then we needed to address that, a name change would not make her feel more included if the issue was deeper.My DD didn't have my name and had no issue as she felt secure.Secondly DH was concerned if dsd's mum and sf separated.

Roll forward a few years and DSD didn't change her name however her mum did divorce sf very acrimoniously.DSD feels so grateful that she didn't not have to go through an additional name change whilst in secondary school.She thinks she would have had to change schools such would have been the awkwardness.

A name change IS significant and has to be for very good reasons, not just because its more convenient when at passport control and they ask about different names.DSD is now part of yet another blended family with 3 different names and her mum has had to get over the 'embarrassment' of going through passport control.

If the dad is involved then a name change especially to a stepfather's name should not be done lightly.2nd marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriages.

As parents we veto requests from our children all the time if parents feel they dont fully appreciate the consequences and 7 is much too young to know the impact and forsee the risks.

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