School Food Tech and providing DSD's food - a trivial matter?

[zazas]

Strange dilemma here. My DSD now has GSCE Food Tech on the day after we have her during the week. She finds out what ingredients she requires on the Tuesday afternoon for the Thursday lesson. She is with us Wednesday night every week. So DH's ex has asked DSD to send us the list Tues night/Wed am so we can buy the ingredients for her. The problem being is that obviously the cooked food and dishes go back to DSD house on Thursday! They are designed to be meals for 4 and can involve quite a list of ingredients and costs (going on previous years food tech requirements). Do you think that this is reasonable - basically that we buy ex's family dinner every week?

I could understand if there is no other way for DSD to get her ingredients but ex works in town close to us and could quite easy pop out to buy the ingredients (she has flexible working hours) and drop into our work - which we could take home that night for DSD.

Or am I just being 'mean' - although having my cooking dishes and containers for the food head off to school and not to return is another story!

Thoughts?

It's give and take though, sometimes things will be unfair in RP and NTp's favour.
It is just some food. And Tupperware. It's not a bloody kidney.
It might be the principle. But maybe the principle isn't actually that important.

Tuperware or containers etc need to come back to your house for use the next week - that is your dsd's responsibility, at that age she is old enough to understand that they are part of the "kit" and need to come back to yours to take stuff in for the next lesson.
Alternatively her she uses containers etc from mums and they go wherever she needs them.

And yeah, it annoyed me in a similar situation. Ds took ingredients from here for food tech and went to his dad's after school that day. Although mostly they didn't seem to cook as the teacher was off, or he forgot to take it home so it got thrown away by the teacher.

I wouldn't care about the food but we've lost a few dishes this way and it makes me cross. When I ask for them they are apparently lost, or he took the food to his nan's and forgot to bring it back.
More annoyingly the lost ones were, of course, originally mine, not dp's.

Have to say, the whole unreasonableness and unfairness of that would really p-**s me off!

Tupperware boxes are expensive! If you have to buy enough to fit food for 4 in every week surely that will reslly add uo? How much does it cost you on average every week?

It wasn't just Tupperware, he took our actual cooking dishes! A lasagne tray and a roasting pan.

3cheekylittlemonkeys - she might drop them off but never without us asking...you would think that she would be happy to return a surplus of things but she does't seem to notice stuff like this! Plus I would then need to keep track of what went out of our house...

I am glad (if that is the right sentiment?) that others would also feel annoyed!

m1nniedriver - between £4 - £8 roughly...although that is for what is actually provided. Obviously sometimes I need to buy a whole packet of the ingredient for the recipe that only a small amount is needed. Sometimes I can use it up...sometimes I just don't.

Outtogetyou - today was a ceramic oven dish - and we only have two :)

Oh it's ridiculous! They are eating the food, they should pay for it! The fact you're going out shopping for food for them to eat is absolutely crazy. Just refuse - say if she wants to come to yours for dinner that night and bring the food, then fab. Otherwise, the mum should have a long hard look at herself.

maybe I'm a bit of a dick but I'd be reminding DSD each Thursday morning to bring the dishes back either to school the next day to give to DS or to bring them with her the following Wednesday. and I'd text her on the Tuesday evening to remind her. her mum might be organised and that's fine with her own shit but DSD is what 15? and it's not her own stuff so yeah, she has to be organised with it. do you think her friends would let her away with keeping their stuff for weeks on end with the excuse that "oh my mum is disorganised". I doubt it. I'd be making it a rule now that the dishes come back at latest the following week or she'll have none to take into school with her.

her mum might be disorganised. sorry!

Why even make this an issue? It's not worth even worrying about. What would you expect if Dsd came to you with food she'd cooked at school and her mum had paid for the ingredients? It's just too petty for words.

I'd definitely buy some foil trays for baking in rather than giving her your proper dishes. Much easier for her to lug around as well as saving you losing all your cookware!

But I agree that you really need to buy the food and suck it up. Hopefully the goodwill will come back to you when she can cook you a nice dinner occasionally

Why even make this an issue? It's not worth even worrying about. What would you expect if Dsd came to you with food she'd cooked at school and her mum had paid for the ingredients? It's just too petty for words.

I know that is why I said it was trivial m0therofdragons. But of course when DSD has come to us before with cooked food (maybe twice) her Mother has ensured we received a message from her reminding us how she was providing us with dinner than night! Plus if DSD was every week providing our dinner - I would supply the ingredients...just the way I am.

I've explained in early posts that there is always more to it than what meets the eye and I am really just having a rant here. What can seem petty to some - can be more than that to others...just saying.

MarkRuffaloCrumble - on my shopping list :)

Motherofdragons...it definitely is not petty! But it's another of those damn annoying things the OP, and others like her have to put up with!

We had this in y7 but then the reverse happened in y8. Not the same quality or quantity of food as you, but slightly annoying as dsd was always excited to share. We always spent some time the next weekend letting her teach us the recipe so we could all taste the food and give her some attention. We said if we got shopping list well in advance we'd shop for it, if it was the night before, she'd have to go herself.
The Tupperware drives me nuts though as it wasn't just food tech. Dss always took packed lunch in Tupperware from here but came back with it in foil. Why?? We resolved it by marking everything that leaves the house with surname (different from their dm) written in sharpie then nag nag nag til some comes back! (A few twilight raids got some back too).
If I were you I'd suck it up about the cost, encourage dsd to get involved and do her own shopping, demand containers back and get her to recreate her best dishes for you!

It might be petty but that's what happens in these situations. Little issues become big enough to loose sleep over. I've had DSDs mother threatning to come to our house, stand in the street and create a scene ... Over s £3 pair of leggings because we wouldn't drive over an hours round trip to drop them off ! I was so annoyed by that that I decided these special leggings would be staying at ours. Never thought I would ever be that petty but these things are usually the result of ongoing issues rather than 1 incident.

It is annoying but it's just one of those blended family things you're going to have to suck up. I completely understand it's a pain, I assume it's a 2 year course so it's going to annoy you very regularly for the foreseeable future - the money aspect, the fact that the food is going back to Mums and constantly trying to get your dishes back BUT you just need to let go - there isn't really any other option unless as someone else has suggested, your DSD can stay with you on Thursdays as well.

Never thought I would ever be that petty but these things are usually the result of ongoing issues rather than 1 incident.

This is very true.

3phrase...thank you for understanding - perfectly! Of course my feelings are influenced by years of 'petty' annoyances and just needed some perspective if this was just another one (as I suspected) and needed to let it go.

Hard not to get slightly ruffled though when the ex pops into our office and says "have you got the list of ingredients for DSD food for tomorrow?" When you are slammed at work, rushing to pick youngest up from school etc etc. "The food I need to drop everything for and go buy for your dinner tomorrow night you mean" is what I felt like screaming!

Threads like this make me want to weep for children (through no fault of their own) who are stuck between two families were every penny is accounted for so that the Ex doesn't benefit from it in any way.

OP for goodness sake go to Asda and get some foil trays for DSD to take in to school.

I can see it's annoying but I'm glad you have seen sense - the poor girl needs you to minimise the problems she has living between two households through no fault of her own, not maximise them.

The pound shops often have cheap disposable containers for taking the ingredients to school.

In contrast, I've had experience of cakes/biscuits etc made with ingredients from one home being thrown away by the DCs other parent, because they refuse to have anything from "that" house in their home

OP it is infuriating - not only the extra hassle for you, but the ex's attitude, as it obviously bothers her when her stuff ends up at yours.

rant away!

Madmum24 - I don't think you have got the the gist of anything that I am discussing. I am also an ex with 2 DC and do you know what I would have done in this situation...? I would have popped into my where my DH and I work (which is very close and she does frequently) and had a brief chat along the lines of..."It seems DD will now have food tech requirements every Thursday for the next two years. I appreciate that it's not really fair that you buy the food every Wednesday that we will then eat every Thursday night! Why don't I drop in the main food ingredients and containers every Wednesday when I drop off the kids things (art folders/sports kit etc) so DD has what she needs? I also appreciate that often they ask you to substitute ingredients to what you prefer and I guess it will be hard for you to know what we might like! Of course if I can't get into town or a struggling to get something then I will you know so you can get the ingredients." Just saying.

Our kids (all 4) are not 'stuck between two families' but have massively benefited and enjoyed being part of a blended family for nearly 12 years now. They are provided for. Period.

Anyway I have established that I was just getting something off my chest (not even discussing it with DH) so that I can gain perspective and move on.