DSCs ignore me but I am now accused of making them unwelcome!!!

[Ilikemangoes123]

This seems like a recurring theme in step families, I am just so sick of it!

I've spent the last 10 years with 3 DSCs and my own. Moved into their house. Took them on all trips cinema/fairs etc, cooked for them every weekend. Like a lot of SMs I hoped for a blended family but ended up accepting that I am just a background toleration.

For example - Invited all 3 DSCs on holiday last month, organised it all, they spent the whole time interacting with each other, never said thank you, eldest clung to her Dad so I had no time with him. Me and my DC mostly in the background. But I didn't complain, just got on with it.

And yet - have been accused this year through subtle and not so subtle pressure from DSCs and DPs Ex that I am not making them welcome?! DSCs are increasingly ignoring me and I just give up - I initiate every conversation, they take no interest at all in me, and they are all late teens now.

I tackled eldest DSC about ignoring me but saying it was me that was rejecting her - asked her why and she just told me to keep out of her life and walked to her mothers house and moaned about me. No specific why.

Now my DP is feeling guilty and the unsaid assumption is that he feels because he has to make up for me 'rejecting them' (how exactly?!) . We still have all kids every weekend, yet in weekdays, he is now going round to Exs house twice a day, to pick all DSCs up, take them to college, collect them, even though they are 17 to 19! With a clear bus route. It's their mum who doesn't want them any weekends but of course, she never gets any stick from anyone! (Their mum only works part time, has a car, but refuses to take them/collect them anytime ).

What is the point?!

Selling up and moving house to a new JOINT home, would be a fabulous idea.

Expensive though, huh.

If it's impossible, then you must enforce being on the deeds to current home. It's a relationship issue. Equality. Protection.

We had to go to the Land registry offices together (me and Ex) to get Ex off the deeds. Might be same simple process to add?

If you split up (causes huge distress to all) then your partner would have to pay maintenance for years and years to come.

And this is why I remain single.

I take it you're not married, OP? (Relevant to house you live in.) If you are married, it's a joint marital asset anyway.

All sounds a right bummer tbh.

Liney no, not married. My DP has been very slow to change! We have had a few discussions about the house, but nothing happens.

Madmum and Don'tMind - yes a JOINT home would be my DREAM! And marriage too - although I'm inclined to just want to run away at this precise time!

I would do anything to move out of the 'family home' - because it's not my family home! It just serves to make DSCs feel that nothing can be changed and that I'm an 'imposter'. My own DS doesn't treat his 'step dad' like an imposter at all, because he wants me to be happy and he respects that I still care and love him. Sometimes I just feel like we're wasted here,

It is all a long line of basically feeling that I come bottom of the pile really. And that whoever shouts the loudest or manipulates my DP gets his attention.

Part of me would like to just sit down with everyone, include EX, DSCs, DP and just say - come on what is going on here? None of us are perfect but what exactly is the problem? Stop slagging me off behind my back when I can do nothing about it! Don't you know your Dad needs a partner who loves him and I'm not the Devil! Of course I know that is mad
This isn't mad. Its a good idea.
You really need to get this mortgage thing sorted out - you need to protect yourself and your own DC.

tootsalina - Yes, maybe you are right! It would be better than all of this underhand manipulation!

It would be so nice to have a bit more money - get my own house - and step back from any of this. However, sometimes all that does is ignore all the problems even more, but at least it would be respite! There has to be something better than breaking up or putting up with coming last in a bun fight over DPs resources...