Looking for Help, advice and somewhere to rant!

[Lettiez]

I have been with my partner for less than a year. He has 4 kids which I have met and have trully spent some amazing time with. The second youngest has recently been diagnosed on the autism spectrum and the 2 eldest are not his biologically.

The children have a serious lack of respect for both their father and me, and very quickly small niggles between then escalate to epic arguments/fights. Recently the kids have been visiting at my house where I have enjoyed making them a roast dinner and spending quality time together.

I feel that the children have a huge discipline problem, and that ever since I have met them I have refused to take the attitude and nonsense that comes with it. I feel that if i let them behave in that manner around me then I am condoning their behaviour, so I have tried to be strong. I also feel that my will needs to be stronger than theirs and I cant let them see how much their behaviour upsets me as it will create that chink that they will then expose.

Their dad feels he needs to compensate for not being there and I totally get that however I feel that discpline never goes wrong. My view is that time spent is worth a million ipads/phones/games consoles and that the kids may not see that or appreciate it now but when they look back it they will realise and value what they had.

We had the kids today and it was truly awful. We were at my house and sat the four of them on the sofa and pretty much read the riot act. I am not proud of how I behaved but the behaviour had gotten so awful i snapped.

I beleive that it is important to let a child have their voice and build a relationship on communication however i reached my limit.

I dont have any children of my own so woudl appreciate any advice or tips or comments on how to make things better. At the minute i really dont feel I could cope with seeing the kids again much less have them in my home

"red flag"? Warning of what, exactly?

I have plenty of friends, colleagues, and even some relatives who have different expectations of their DCs than I do - they are lovely people, non-the-less.

Only the OP can decide if she is willing to continue in a relationship with her B/F having seen his lack of parenting - but poor parenting is not a "red flag" for a relationship and the OP should not necessarily run for the hills!

The Important thing is the OP acknowledges and recognises what she has seen and doesn't expect her BF to have a sudden epiphany - he's always likely to parent this way.

I think poor parenting is a red flag. It says "Don't go there" to me.

Been there and totally feel for you. I can't help myself at times and I do butt in and say something. If a child is disrespecting me, my partner, my mother, my home, my property etc, I will tell them, no matter who likes it or not. If you let it go then it sets precedent that they think they can carry on doing what they're doing without understanding the consequences their actions/words have. If you don't, there will come a time when you will snap and they will wonder where the hell your little outburst has come from. Let them know where the boundaries are with you and they will get used to it.