Moving children again

[JakieOH]

Since my previous post my DP has taken steps to ensure his children are not moved to the other side of the world

This hasn't gone down well with the mother who is now saying she is planning on moving to (a different city) 4 hours drive away from us!!! This woman is determined to do as she pleases regardless of her children's relationship with their father.

He hadn't spoken to the lawyer again about this but from what we have read there is actually very little he can do to stop this? Have any of you stepparent found yourselves in this position and have any of you stopped such a move?

Don't get me wrong, We think she should be allowed to move where ever in the world she wants, it's her life, her choice and nothing to with us, in fact DP would actively encourage this but she should not be able to take his children with her!! It's terrible!

I know it's not the done thing to refer to previous threads, but in this case, the DCs mums recent behaviour is relevant to the OPs current mindset.

Telling a DC that they will be moving halfway around the world and telling that child to keep it a secret from their other parent, whom they love and enjoy spending time with, is NOT the action of a mother who is considering the impact of her choices on her DCs.

So, when that same mother announces another, new, plan to move away from support networks and the DCs dad, it is quite understandable that the OP (and others) are questioning her motives. One week she wants to emigrate, the next week she wants to move within the UK - what next? It appears on the surface that moving away (Or maybe running away?) is the DCs mums goal, rather than considering the benefits and advantages of the location being moved to, and the impact the chosen location will have on the DCs lives.

And Sharing these ill thought through ideas as they occur to her with the DCs is irresponsible - DCs should be presented with decisions that adults have made with explainations as to what will change and what will stay the same in their lives.

It all sounds very chaotic and poorly thought through and it's totally understandable that the OP is upset. No matter what the reasons the DCs mum has, and whether or not the OP and her DP think they are justified, the way the DCs mum has involved the DCs in this way is inexcusable.

I empathise OP my step children moved about 5 times when they were you get. Their mum even sold her share of a house when she realised she could get all her rent paid by Housing Benefit. Their dad was the only constant in their lives. Ginny I don't think OP wants to dictate what ex does just to maintain the relationship with stepchildren.

Thanks guys. You're right we don't have any wish to control her actions but when it potentially negatively impacts the DC and their relationship with their dad then any father worth their name will intervene.

I've no doubt that she loves her kids, she is just do wrapped up in her own 'issues' she isn't yhinking clearly. Again entirely her issue but DPs job is to protect his children from her irresponsible decisions and ensure his strong relationship with them continues. Skype, FaceTime etc isn't the same, however its dressed up IMO.