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Original poster

Moving children again

53 replies

JakieOH · 12/07/2015 19:51

Since my previous post my DP has taken steps to ensure his children are not moved to the other side of the worldAngry

This hasn't gone down well with the mother who is now saying she is planning on moving to (a different city) 4 hours drive away from us!!! This woman is determined to do as she pleases regardless of her children's relationship with their father.

He hadn't spoken to the lawyer again about this but from what we have read there is actually very little he can do to stop this? Have any of you stepparent found yourselves in this position and have any of you stopped such a move?

Don't get me wrong, We think she should be allowed to move where ever in the world she wants, it's her life, her choice and nothing to with us, in fact DP would actively encourage this Hmm but she should not be able to take his children with her!! It's terrible!

OP posts:
sonnyson12 · 14/07/2015 00:06

Pink,

You are the definition of projection and your writings appear to be unhinged.

sonnyson12 · 14/07/2015 00:09

And from what you are saying... the child in this case would be better off being with the father in order for the mother to continue with her unstable fantasy life that seems to have the sole aim of depriving a child of a loving parent.

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:10

No projection. No relation to my life in anyway shape or form. Just a different viewpoint.

Families breakup, life goes on and generally the adults make decisions for their benefit - which isn't the same as saying they don't care or consider their children - but they all hope the children will adapt and be okay. And generally they are.

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:11

What unstable fantasy life?

sonnyson12 · 14/07/2015 00:12

Based on what?

Your posts make no sense and have no point/argument.

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:12

Or perhaps her aim is to make herself happy? Not deprive the children of their father.

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:13

I wasn't positing an argument. I was presenting a different view.

sonnyson12 · 14/07/2015 00:13

The unstable family life that the mother in this case is moving the child away from family support.

Did you actually read the thread?

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:14

And? Moving away from family support is unstable how?

sonnyson12 · 14/07/2015 00:15

A view based on???

There are many parents that upon separation want to make themselves happy, and on face value, appears to be the case here.

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:16

There is nothing in the thread that suggests that. The OP is of the view that moving away is a bad idea in her opinion. No other info. I have no family support closer than 2 hours. Life is grand. And stable.

sonnyson12 · 14/07/2015 00:16

You are contradicting yourself now,

I'm out.

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:17

What is so wrong with the ex wanting to be happy? Should she not do so because her ex wants no change? But he has changed his and the children's lives massively. To make him happy.

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:18

How and where?

sonnyson12 · 14/07/2015 00:18

Perhaps check the previous thread.

I, also have no family support and parent near 50% of the time. You are missing the point spectacularly, I'm off to bed.

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:19

Re: contradiction?

PinkGinny · 14/07/2015 00:19

I'm not referring to a previous thread. Only what has been written here.

sonnyson12 · 14/07/2015 00:21

Contradiction -

"her aim is to make herself happy"

"Not deprive the child of a parent"

and so on...

sonnyson12 · 14/07/2015 00:24

Maybe if you do a bit of research it may refrain you from making ridiculous assumptions about a situation that you are projecting all over and hindering the OP from gaining advice that could help their situation.

Original poster
JakieOH · 14/07/2015 00:25

I'm unhinged but you've made up a while new story Hmm my DP is not my DH? Yes, he did 'consult' her when we got together and he 'consulted' her when we moved in together and he 'consults' her before any changes are made that affect the DC. Unfortunately she didn't 'consult' him when she gave up her job. She didn't 'consult' him when she changed her hours in her new job until she needed him, I could go on but it's pointless. She is their mother so for some on here she can do no wrong Confused. stop making up stories to suit yourself.

Alpaca, the solicitor says a 50/50 arrangement would be fine and given the time they actually stay here he can't see a problem. We just need to figure out the best way to go about it. It's random at the moment, depending on her schedule and mood Hmm at least this way it would be set in writing and not changeable to suit her mood. We have little control over what she say to them but hopefully it will work out. Time will tell Smile think I'll slowly back away from this post, can't be bothered trying to justify to people why it is wrong to remove children from all they've known and their father brcsuse you fancy a change!

Thanks for all the helpful posts giving advise, means a lot Flowers

OP posts:
CandyLane · 14/07/2015 00:37

I totally agree with PinkGinny

I don't think that when you have children with somebody that it automatically commits you to living within a certain distance of the father for the next 18 years.

OP has given us no explanation as to why the ex wants to move.

It is clear that OP and her DH are set against the move and I doubt that they'd feel that any reason was justified, because it doesn't suit them.

We're all responsible for our own lives and our own happiness. As PinkGinny said, we just hope that we're making the right decision and that the children will adapt.

Tbh the thought of one ex trying to control the other's life makes me feel really uncomfortable.

OP keeps saying that the ex can move but she has no right to take the DCs away from their Dad.
Yes I agree it's not fair but the truth of the matter is that as the RP, actually yes she does have every right to decide to move and take those resident children with her.

I know it's shit, I've seen DH struggle in the same situation, but surely people take this kind of thing in to consideration when they decide to split? That once you aren't a couple you have no right or ability to control the decisions the other one makes.

Original poster
JakieOH · 14/07/2015 01:17

She may be the RP candy but the kids are here all the time. DP has never legally gone for 50/50 because he pretty much had it anyway and she has flexibility of having him on call Hmm it usually works out fine so there is nothing official that states it. Our issue would be collecting them from school but if it means the children don't move then we will figure something out. When they split it was her choice, she went with someone else.

We have friends in common so I do know her reasons although I can't go into details. She isn't happy, she is bored and wants a change is basically it. He isn't trying to control her decisions he is trying to maintain his current relationship with his children.

DP has helped her more than any exh has to. If he hadn't she would have lost her home, her car and woukd most kindly have gone bankrupt. This was long after they split and yes, DP was paying maintrnence. She certsinly would have been unable to persue her latest life experiment! They don't get on but he certainly doesn't want to see her miserable, neither do I for what it's worth but taking his children away is a step too far. I'm confident now, with hindsight, that it won't hapoen. Wether that's DP putting a stop to his children going or her realising it's riduculous.

OP posts:
Original poster
JakieOH · 14/07/2015 01:18

likely

Pardon the spelling, it's late and I'm studying Grin

OP posts:
CandyLane · 14/07/2015 01:40

FWIW we were in an almost identical situation, although it wasn't a 4 hour drive away, it meant that DH's normal 3 nights per week were reduced to EOW, because his ex decided to shack up with a bloke she'd only known for 5 minutes.

I'm just totally amazed at the difference in attitude between what you're saying and what my DH said and did. And I doubt very much that it is because my DH loves his children less, but maybe he's just less selfish and he was just realistic and knew that there was F all he could do about it.

He still has an excellent relationship with his DCs, I don't think they are less close just because they see him less. They still speak, text and video call each other all the time and when they visit it's like they've never been away.

I just think you're setting yourselves up for s big fall and more upset by getting yourselves so worked up over it, in all honesty I really don't think you can prevent this move if she decides to go ahead with it.

Original poster
JakieOH · 14/07/2015 02:01

My DP isn't selfish Shock don't think I've met anyone as selfless as him in my life!! Like I say he has helped her way more than he had to on plenty of occasions! He doesn't want her to be miserable. She isn't threatning to leave because she has met someone, she has a job that will make her rich, to be closer to friends and family, she is planning it because she is bored and fancies a change! It would be awful for the children they are oerfectly happy and settled. I don't know how involved your DP is with his kids day to day lives but my DP is active in most aspects if theirs and thus would change drastically if they weren't here. Yes, it's better Than leaving the country like she was telling her kids was going to happen, but it's still unacceptable to DP.

I don't think wanting to play an active role as a father Is selfish but maybe thats just me. There is things that can be done, just wether they stand up or not.

They're not my kids, I would be sad if they went I really care about them, but it certainly wouldn't be the end of my world. DP on the other hand would be devestated. He loves those children every bit as much as she does. He needs to get a formal arrangement in place and take it from there. Glad your DH has managed to keep a decent relationship with his kids though, that's good.

OP posts:
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