To think dh ex has no right to demand we buy a 5 bed house so dss can have his own room

[WomenVsbarbie]

If anyone knows my last dh ex drama they will know my family set up.

In our house there is dts (dear twin son) and dtd (dear twin daughter) both 15. Two younger dc and dss 15.

We are thinking of moving as we have found a home we really like in a area that is more convenient. The house is 4 bed we are currently a 4 bed.

Dh nasty bitchy ex who has demanded my twins (who are full time residents) share so dss who comes for the weekend plus two weeknight can have his own room.

With have put an offer on the house and ex has found out. She is now saying that we are being bad parents for making dss share in the new house.

We currently have two young dc (dh is their father) in one room. Dtd has own room as she is 15. Dss shares with dts. Please tell me I'm not being an evil stepmum like dh ex has said.

What would happen if you were all one big together family? The two boys would share and the girl would have her own room. End of.

Of course you want to be understanding of his need of privacy and create dividers/ lockable storage etc. where possible but a room empty for half the week is ridiculous and who can afford a five bedroom house?

Ask her for £20.0000 towards a bigger house! That will shut her up!

I can kind of understand ex's demand if the dss doesn't get along with dts. I'd imagine nobody would be feeling elated about having to sleep in what is effectively someone else's room for most of the time, with all their stuff and posters and hiding places and smells and mess. Especially when you don't really get on with that person. I'd hate it. But it is op and her husband's decision, the ex nor the kids can't really have any say.

Oh my God. I am dreading having my own dc for this reason. We currently have a 2 bed house. My dps dd (11) and ds (9) share with bunk beds at the minute. They each have their own room at their mums and they stay here 50/50. In an ideal world everyone has their own room.

My dp and I are looking to buy a 3 bed house in the near future so when I have my child they have their own room.(dps idea not mine) We also have a million issues with their mum so I'm quite sure she wouldn't allow my child to share with either of hers. My dps kids don't particularly like the situation but they get on with it. They have their own space at mums. If she wants to fund a bigger house so everyone can have their own rooms then perfect but that's never going to happen.

All I'm saying is you do what best fits your family and needs. If you an afford the bigger house then great but don't do it because ex is demanding it. Your set up is perfectly reasonable.

And to add I'm sure the boys can decide together how to decorate the room so they both ance input and its not intruding. It will be their room. I doubt the kids are made to feel like spare parts.

I can't see an easy solution.

But it must be tough on Dss if he doesn't get on with OP's son. Rather than focus on the obvious tension between you and ex.W could you not think more about the needs of Dss?

I assume at 16 he will be able to choose where he spends his time. If he is unhappy in OPs home I assume he will not be visiting so much.

It's not ideal for your DSS to share with your DS if they don't get on very well, especially as as Silver Birch points out, he's at the age where if it's really bad between the boys he might choose not to come at all. But what can you do really unless you have the money for a 5 bed? You'll just have to try to do what you can with the room they end up having to give them both as much privacy as possible, e.g. screen or curtain down the middle of the room or whatever.

Is there an option to buy a 5 bedroom house in a cheaper area?

choose where he spends his time. If he is unhappy in OPs home I assume he will not be visiting so much

Is he a "visitor" or a member of the family?

If he's a member of the family he has needs that should be considered, but if he's a visitor, those needs are very different.

In so many cases, non-resident children seem to have the best of both worlds; all the benefits of being a member of the family, but none of the compromises that family members are expected to make because, after all, they can always "vote with their feet" and not "visit".

Which is it?

Ex sounds like a nightmare, she has no right to insist on anything that happens in your home. Of course DSS has to share but do as suggested above and try to divide the room into his and his.