Holidays

[Themrmen]

I know this has probably been coveted before but would like advice on a source of arguments.

Me and my dp have a ds (1), and I have dsd and dss, times it's been rocky but seem to be getting on an even keel again.

The problem is we are quite short on money at the moment due to many things, but in june I will be receiving a small bonus from work and wanted to take ds on holiday for the first time, unfortunately I can only afford to take ds, dp and mysf as adding in two extra people pushes the price up massively and also we would have to go in holiday time.my dsd and dss have just got back from a week away and went away last year abroad also with their mum, we haven't been away for years. Also if I am brutally honest I would think it would be easier just thd three of us as there is such a big age gap in the kids and my dss can be hard work.

Am I being unreasonable in suggesting it just be us three or is his family and ex correct in that i am being a massive bitch.

What have others done in these suitations?

I also remember you op, I remember your post about the drop offs and pick ups being your responsibility even in late pregnancy!! Your SIL is something else! Hope you stood your ground with that one

To be honest if you're paying for the holiday yourself I don't think it's your responsibility to include your SC at all.

We go on holiday with and without DSD. I'm won't allow my DC to miss out on anything just because she doesn't happen to be with us that week.

I'd block the lot of them from your Fbook page. Or at least put them on the 'restricted' list so they can't see your posts.

I think it's absolutely fin OP. DH and I took DS away for a week last summer without my DDs or DSD. They were being taken away by their other parents so we had a week with just the three of us.

Go, just go...you need a holiday too, and trust me it will be no picnic if you take DSC! There will be a totally different dynamic if DSC are with you, never mind the cost, and if this is the one chance you both have of a holiday with DS for some time, why shouldn't you? I know as a SM of many, many years standing, you'll have enough problems with his kids anyway...stand up for yourself now and tell the ex and her family, once and for all to sod off and mind their own business!!

Thanks everyone, decided me and ds are going on hols abroad with or without dp (obviously hoping with) I generally ignore his family now unless absolutely have to speak to them. Mums sort if got it sorted, I stupidly started helping out with the travel again and it ended up with me doing both journeys again, as ds was so little it wasn't fair to take him so do stayed at home with him, dp asked the ex if she would meet half way or do a journey each and was meet with no and before Christmas I totally lost it with dp, I was furious that both parents got to sit at home on their arse whilst I did both long journeys, worked full time and looking after dsc and ds for weekend and stopped doing it completely

1. It is your money - do what the hell you want with it.

1. It is irrelevant what the DSCs have done with their mother. She chooses to take them on holiday her choice. Nothing to do with you.

1. Whatever way you want to look at it/right or wrong - you and DH will have gone on holiday with your DS and never taken his DCs on holiday.

4.Irrelevant what his ex thinking - it is however very relevant how his DCs feel about it.

If mum is kicking off, then you and their father need to explain the situation to the DCs yourself.

I think you should do what you want to do with your money. I have no DCs but I do have a SS and we have never taken him on holiday as mostly the holiday planning and paying for comes down to me. I don't feel remotely guilty about that, if DP really wants us to take him he can plan and pay for an appropriate holiday himself!

If it were me I'd book it now for just the three of you and never mention it to any of them again until the day you go. It's none if their goddamn business!

One of the things about being a stepmum is missing out on 'firsts' as our OHs have often done it all before with the SCs, and sometimes there is nothing that can be done about that. This is your chance for you and DP to have a first holiday with your DS while he is still little...take it!

How old are dsc? Is the relationship normally good with them? Is your dp close to them?

My ex went on foreign holiday with his dp and her children without mine (and his) one year. I was quite annoyed as he had never taken our kids away anywhere, claiming he never had any spare money. The thing is my kids were not upset about it at all and that's all that mattered. They are fortunate to enjoy nice holidays with me so didn't miss out from this perspective. They associate holidays with something they do with me rather than him and they believed him when he told them he would take them away the following year (didn't but was all forgotten by then!). It had no impact on their relationship or that with his partner.

I think he needs to speak to his kids because the only thing that matter is that saga is how this would affect them. Would they feel left out, rejected, envious etc... or would they hardly notice? In the first instance, I would say that it would not be a good idea to do so at this stage as it could have a very nefast impact on his relationship with them. If however they show that they really do not care and you plan to do something special with them (doesn't have to be a holiday or cost much), send them messages whilst there to show you do think of them, bring back some decent souvenirs etc... then they might not mind at all.

As for the ex and family, if they could believe that it is actually your own money through work that pays for it, maybe the pill would go down better?

His family and ex are horrible people. In my situation I feel difference made with my child and sd with dh family but not to same extent as you. I don't care anymore because my ds gets all attention he needs from my family and you shouldn't feel like ur ds needs miss out cos of sc that font even live with you . Should u not go to park with ds cos Dec aren't there? your in-laws are wired to the moon . Let them in one ear out the other I say