Grrrr

[hussnchips56]

Lost a big post. In short been with DP for 12 years, SD going to graduate this year, no ticket for me, as her mum isn't bringing a bf!!! I have supported her, paid things so OH could pay her allowance. Pissed off, have had years of sloppy cards, like a mum to me etc and now when I think I Should be able to be happy to see her graduate, it's like fuck off, don't want you

OP, I know you are hurt and pissed off, but I can tell you exactly what my own mother would have said in those circumstances:

'Oh, DD, I would really love to come and see you graduate but I just wouldn't feel comfortable with your father's girlfriend there, and I don't think it's fair of you to expect both me and the girlfriend to be there at a family event. I think it would be much healthier for you to want to have both your parents there. It's so unhealthy for your father's clingy girlfriend to keep coming along to special family events. I have good friends who would love to use your other tickets and support you and me on the day.'

It's a head fuck when you're 20.

Hiss deep down you know her mother has put pressure on her and put her in an impossible position. Your stepdaughter is only 20 and doesn't have the life experience to deal with the pressure. Be graceful and wish her well for the day, arrange a family celebration meal and admire the photos.

We were away at the weekend, oh had loads of missed calls, he kept ringing back but no answer, eventually he spoke to SD, she asked what arrangements he had made for the graduation, he was a bit confused so asked what arrangements he was supposed to make.....apparently he should put up for a meal for the graduation party, ie, her, her mum and the 2 friends! Needless to say he said he would be happy to take her out for a meal either just the two of them or the three of us another day, as he said he had no idea who these great friends are and no way is he paying for them to eat!

Hussnchips, you are joking! After not asking you to the graduation, and giving tickets to EW's friends, your DSD expects her dad to pay for a meal for them all...unbloodybelievable, what a cheek! Good for him for saying no, how dare the EW expect him to pay for her and her friends?! I have an adult DSC who expects to be paid for as if she's a dependent child...always, drives me mad! Honestly, the bloody brass neck of people never ceases to amaze me!

Feck I lost a long post, I went to the graduation as a sitting in the bar and watching , was as bad as I thought as she only got tickets for her mum and dad, the boyfriend got a ticket, offered it to her friend and mums friend. Not me ha! Watched it on a screen, went for meal in the evening, was very well behaved! Done my bit now, feel upset that the last 13 years meant nothing...c'est la vie ????

I have been in that position of being the child caught in the middle and it is dreadful. All you care about is not hurt the people you love, but when there are games played between them, it becomes very hard.

I expect the reason why you were not invited is because although she is close to you, she doesn't like your attitude towards her mum (which comes very strongly in your last post), and she doesn't want any bad feelings on her important day.

I had this at my wedding, and that was in my 40s. I tried very hard to make sure that my mum felt she had her place without my step-mum (since I was 8) feeling that she had no place at all. It really stressed me, and ultimately, I failed because my mum did feel she was being treated unfairly in her role as my mother. I felt both sorry she felt this way and then angry that I was left to feel this way on my special day.

It is HER special day, so even though it is hurtful, at least you know that by staying away, she will be more relaxed to enjoy it. Maybe you can tell her that you wish you were there, but you understand, so that at least it doesn't leave a bad atmosphere and might actually even bring you closer.